Daily Archives: May 19, 2014

Still Nervous about Giving Him Oral? Yeah, I Get It.

Nervous woman with hands over mouthYou want me to put my mouth where?!!

That’s the gut response of many wives when they first contemplate giving oral sex. It seems natural to match up genitalia, but when it comes to your mouth, that’s a whole different story. Sure, you love his manhood and all, but you wonder: Is that allowed? Is it healthy? Is it sanitary? Is it biblical? Is it worth it?

Not every wife feels this way, but enough that I want to address the issue. Because if you’re still nervous about giving him oral? Yeah, I get it.

Let’s talk girlfriend-to-girlfriend and break down some wives’ concerns.

Is oral sex okay with God? There are plenty of fringe sexual practices out there, but oral sex doesn’t seem to be one. There is no biblical prohibition on oral sex and at least two possible references to oral sex in the Bible. One is man to woman, and the other is woman to man: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste” (Song of Songs 2:3). “Fruit” is a euphemism, of course.

Looking at God’s design of the body, there’s nothing inherently harmful about oral sex. Using lips and tongue on genitals is not far different from hands or fingers on genitals, and semen is not problematic to ingest. Indeed, one study even suggested it has antidepressant qualities. (Go figure.)

Of course, you must discern for yourself and live by your own conscience, but study what the Bible says. Most who have done so with an open mind and open heart believe oral sex is okay with God.

Is it hygienic? This is a big concern for many, especially since the penis is also used for peeing. It can seem unsanitary to put your mouth where urine has been. However, when a man ejaculates, a muscle contracts in the neck of the bladder preventing urine flow into the penis — meaning a man cannot shoot semen and urine at the same time.

Besides (not to be gross here), even if a minuscule amount of urine did enter your mouth by some off-chance, it’s still not bad for you. Urine is mostly waste-filtered water and, while you definitely don’t want to be ingesting much, a teeny bit isn’t harmful.

Still, you may feel it’s not all that sanitary. Or that his groin area can sweat during the day, making it less clean and inviting. If cleanliness is your concern, there’s a simple solution: Have him wash. Ask hubby to take a thorough shower before you begin or simply wash his genitals. You can even suggest a bath together, and do the washing yourself so you know that area is spic-and-span.

Oh, and hair. If that bothers you, plenty of husbands — believe it or not — “manscape.” Your husband might be willing to trim a bit, just like he’d trim a mustache or beard. It doesn’t hurt to ask. But getting his hair in your mouth is still the same as getting any of his other hair in your mouth (which has happened a time or two when I’m lying in bed, my husband rolls over, and suddenly his head of hair is in my face).

So yes, it’s hygienic. The notable exception is that sexually transmitted diseases and infections can be passed by oral-genital contact, so if that is an issue in your marriage, be aware.

Is it worth trying? In a recent survey from The Marriage Bed, 42% of husbands reported they would like to have oral sex much more often. I suspect that’s typical of many marriages, with men desiring their wives give oral sex a go or make it a regular practice. So the first thought is that your husband may think it well worth-trying. And certainly, we want to consider our spouse when it comes to the marriage bed.

However, the question remains whether you think it’s worth trying. If you don’t have moral or hygienic objections, what holds you back? It could be nervousness about what it will feel like, concern you won’t do it right, worry that you’ll gag, or fear of him expecting you to swallow. Let me take some of the pressure off, ladies: You don’t have to stick the whole thing in and swallow semen to give your husband oral sex. Oral sex can involve any contact of your mouth with his penis, meaning you can start slow. In fact, explain to your husband you’re willing to try, but you need to go slow and stay in control of how this goes.

Use your lips and tongue to tease the tip of his penis, or kiss or run your tongue along the shaft. Suck on the very top, putting his penis into your mouth only as far as you can while still breathing comfortably. Let him express what feels good to you, and be willing to adjust according to what he likes and what feels okay with your mouth. You may discover that the skin really isn’t that different from other parts of his body (except how soft it is) or that you’re also excited by how effectively your mouth arouses your husband.

You may enjoy it. If so, you can always do it more. If instead you feel awkward or uncomfortable, you can take break, breathe a little, then try again. Or you can suggest turning to another sexual activity to finish, like a hand job or intercourse. Trying a new sexual activity once doesn’t mean you have to do it again and again, but you might find out that, with an open mind and some practice, you like giving him oral sex — that it arouses you as well. So yeah, it could be worth trying.

What are your concerns about giving oral sex? Is anything else holding you back?

I address oral sex more fully in my book, Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives.