Comments on: When My Marriage Seemed Hopeless, What Made Me Stay?

By: What about the 3 A’s? Addiction, Adultery, and Abuse | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Thu, 31 Jul 2014 16:35:37 +0000

[…] recently wrote When My Marriage Seemed Hopeless, What Made Me Stay? In that post, I mentioned that the three A’s — Addiction, Adultery, and Abuse — […]

By: Nia H.

Nia H. — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 17:35:46 +0000

THANK YOU for sharing this writing which gives hope and encouragement to “unhappy/unhealthy/hurting” marriages…I pray for everyone who commented/replied will continually seek GOD for guidance and trust Him thru obedience for a REDEEMED MARRIAGE or a REDEEMED LIFE…GOD IS FAITHFUL TO THOSE WHO ARE OBEDIENT TO HIS WORD/TRUTH, ALWAYS!!! 🙂

By: J

Wed, 09 Jul 2014 13:38:09 +0000

In reply to Redeemed wife. I don't actually know Harry Schaumburg. The name is familiar, though. Certainly, there are some great resources out there. Thanks for your encouraging words for Colleen!

By: Redeemed wife

Redeemed wife — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 11:52:06 +0000

Colleen! My heart hurts for you and your husband. While I don’t believe that the bondage to pornography is an addiction exactly, I do believe it to be a sin of grave consequence! A very wise and godly counselor one told me that marriage is like a sleeping bag. You are camping on top of a freezing mountain and there is only one sleeping bag for the both of you. If only one of you gets in the bag, you will both die because you still need body heat from each other to survive the elements. But there is a catch. Your spouse has brought garbage and filth into the sleeping bag. He has vomited in it. But you both need to survive. So you climb in, never saying that the mess is ok…but saying that your God is bigger than whatever mess is in your “sleeping bag.”
I pray for you both. Please seek a godly counselor! Harry schaumburg at stone gate resources is a great place to start and has written books to help you!

By: Nena

Nena — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 23:49:19 +0000

My husband and I just celebrated 27 years of marriage and 18 months ago I thought for sure we would be divorced by now. Unknown to me my husband was an addict when I married him. Even though he got clean and sober 24 years ago we dealt with all the issues from the addiction. When my two children were young I stayed because I did not want him to have unsupervised visits with them and I knew if we were married I could keep them out of the car with him when he was under the influence. He has always been a great provider and loving father just not a great husband. We had happy times but it always felt like the happy times didn’t last long. About 3 years ago a trusted employee/friend stole a lot of money from our business and my husband took the betrayal very hard and went into a deep depression and started drinking. I supported him through it but when he started lying again, which I know is part of the disease, I didn’t think I could keep doing this. I contacted a trusted friend at church and we got together. She made a comment, I cannot even remember what it was except that it had something to do with respect and men. I told her I didn’t even know where to begin respecting my husband at this point but I knew this was something I needed to explore. I went home and goggled respecting your husband and found “The Respect Dare” I ordered it immediately and as soon as I received it I started reading and putting it into practice. It is like the Love Dare from the movie Fireproof but it’s for wives. I cannot tell you the difference it made in my marriage in just a few days and by the end of the 40 days I felt like I was married to a completely different person. I didn’t change him, I changed me and how I look at things and I prayed to God and God changed my husband. He has said things to me that he has never said in 26+ years. Words I have wanted to hear for years. We are closer than we have been since we were married. He signed up for an extensive Men’s Bible Study through our church without me even mentioning it to him and has gone every Monday night for almost a year now. This is a huge deal because he has NEVER been involved in a Men’s Bible Study in his life! I am serious when I say that a very short time ago I would have told you that there wasn’t any hope in having the marriage we have today. I was making arrangements to move out on my own and live by myself. I want to offer hope to those who think things can never change or that you cannot change your spouse. You are correct that you cannot change your spouse but you can change you, get out of God’s way and LET HIM change your spouse’s heart. All I can say is that it is so worth it and Our God is an ALMIGHTY GOD!!

By: Do Your Spouse’s Sexual Problems Feel Personal? | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Mon, 07 Jul 2014 17:05:31 +0000

[…] situations seem hopeless right now (mine did at one time), but if you could see ten years down the road, you’d know there’s a revival coming. I […]

By: MissionaryMom

MissionaryMom — Sat, 05 Jul 2014 13:57:10 +0000

Not a criticism, but a curious thought: You mentioned that while your marriage was at a place where you thought about leaving, “we experienced good sexual intimacy”. How does that work? When my husband hurts my heart, that’s the LAST thing I want to do with him. (sad chuckle) Perhaps it has something to do with those pesky “A’s” that you didn’t have and we did, but it seems as if it’s been the case since the beginning of our marriage before they were a known issue…

By: Jason@SongSix3

Jason@SongSix3 — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 19:13:02 +0000

In reply to Catherine. Catherine, your story blesses me tremendously! Isn't it great how love blossoms and really TAKES HOLD after you and your spouse have walked through some life trials together? That's definitely how it happened for us. I can't imagine life without my wife now, even though we've walked through some horrendous junk. Those things are what the Lord used to really bring us together. And I too, am glad we stuck it out! I intend to finish this race with the same wife with which I started it.

By: J

Thu, 03 Jul 2014 18:53:06 +0000

In reply to Catherine. Thanks so much for your testimony! Indeed, we had years that were not good. But we're on the other side now, and while we still face challenges, our love is worth every step of the journey.

By: Catherine

Catherine — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 17:57:06 +0000

We just celebrated our 21 st wedding anniversary! I tried to leave my husband twice, in the early years, but I had no where to go. Just like you none of the A words were involved, although I did try to interpret some of his behavior as emotional abuse but it really was not, he was just protecting himself. We were both strong Christians when we met. Both of our first spouses had left us to leave Christianity and go back into the world. We each had 3 children. Blending 6 children ages 3-12 was excruciatingly painful. Caused more disagreements than I could ever count and for some years on a daily basis. Yet, he was always a good husband, faithful, great provider and kept God and our marriage his top priorities. We made sure to have a weekly date night and daily talk time. Together we have been through numerous surgeries, a battle with cancer, death of some of our parents, became grandparents, deal with a physical handicap that caused an early retirement. We have adjusted to the empty nest and are now writing children’s books together. I can say now that I am so glad we stuck it out and are going to finish this life journey together happy, strong and madly in love! I try to encourage young marrieds to work through the seasons of life that are stressful, it is worth it. Having a lifetime of memories to share together just adds more blessings to each day.