Comments on: Do Your Spouse’s Sexual Problems Feel Personal?

By: 3 Attitude Shifts That Vastly Improved My Marriage Happiness | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Mon, 02 Feb 2015 18:45:49 +0000

[…] difficulties in your sexual intimacy may have little to do with you. Now, I’m not saying these things don’t have a real impact on you. (I have stubbed […]

By: B

Mon, 28 Jul 2014 22:40:31 +0000

In reply to MHMC.

I have the same problem only opposite sex….My wife would not even commit on our honeymoon night….over 20 years of rejection…..the problem is now there is at least some sex..but it is without passion or variety….I find myself at this point because of the bitterness wanting to reject that from my spouse….I have forgiven…….but the frustration and anger won’t go away……I know Jesus plan for my marriage is not misery…

By: Paul Byerly

Paul Byerly — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 00:34:33 +0000

rejected? – I understand how hard it is to believe, but honestly this is all about him and has nothing to do with you. He uses porn because something is broken in him, not because of how you look or what you do with him sexually.
I pray the Lord will help you to accept and live this truth. It will not change your husband’s desire for porn, but it will mean his choice to sin will not hurt you so much.
Blessings

By: rejected?

rejected? — Thu, 10 Jul 2014 19:13:18 +0000

I have debated posting this for several days…. but here goes.
My husband and I have a committed marriage, but an ugly specter keeps popping up -porn. He enjoys porn , I don’t. He is trying very hard to curb the habit because ofmour Christian beliefs and howmhis viewing effects me. I feel rejected, hopelessly ugly compared to the women on the sites, and less sexual as a result. He still has a desire for me, compliments me on how sexy I am, but my inner voice still says I’m not good enough. Help!

By: K

Thu, 10 Jul 2014 19:05:34 +0000

Several of the comments above mention praying for their wives b/c of previous abuse. As a survivor od childhood abuse, I can tell you that there is a light at the end of this long and dark tunnel. The inner turmoil may involve misplaced feelings of guilt or shame, or it may be memories that flood back. Patience and prayer are the best gifts you can give your wives as they work their way through this. Kuddos gentlemen!

By: Bob

Bob — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 15:58:16 +0000

I found your website today. Today we have been married 37 years. GOD’S timing is perfect! I have been struggling with the feelings of rejection… pain… lots of pain… My wife was abused by her dad from about age 7 until about 20. As you guess, this has efffected how she feels about intimacy. Over that past 4 years I have been dealing with performace issuses – partly due to prostrate issues (some surgury) and partly due to fear of performance. My wife tells me to just have sex when I want it – I tell her that is not much different than what happened to her as a child – it would be so much like rape. we we do have sex, she asks how much longer will this take? OUCH! So many other issues! We have been to seperate councilors, My help me understand that I have to being willing to even DIE for MY WIFE.
I long for the time when she understands sex is not dirty – but a true gift from GOD. I long for the day that we can have a truely enjoyable time of physical intimacy.
But today you have helped me refocus my prayers. I used to pray for GOD to help me to nbe true, to help me have a normal sex life, and at other times to take away my desire. I LOVE my wife so much …. but it still hurts so much! Today I will start praying for GOD to help her understand what happened to her was not her fault and for GOD’S will to take place concerning our intimacy.

By: Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy

Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 01:10:23 +0000

“You are a mat-carrier, not the Healer.” That’s a tremendous word picture. Thanks.

By: MHMC

MHMC — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 20:56:26 +0000

I’m a wife dealing with sexual rejection. It is painful. Even when I do remind myself that the issue is not me, but goes much deeper, I still have a hard time reconciling the fact that I am not “wanted” or “desired”. A woman wants to be pursued and cherished. That doesn’t happen with a spouse who wants nothing to do with sex. Sex is usually a barometer for how the rest of the relationship is going. When there is no sex, there can be a breakdown in all other areas of the marriage. Resentment settles in quickly, and prayer is the only thing to keep one from getting bitter. Dealing with the issue is not always an option, as the spouse who is uninterested tends to take it personally whenever it is brought up. In the course of the marriage, the approach has changed many times, but always the same response. “No”. In SOME cases, this is not a physical problem, but a mental one, and if you are dealing with a passive aggressive spouse, the denial of intimacy is used as a weapon- punishment- for something you did (or didn’t do). But with passive aggressive people, they won’t tell you what you did wrong. They just go on punishing you until they need something from you. So, I continue in a marriage, where my needs are never met, constantly look for ways to please my husband . And even though I feel neglected, lonely, and rejected, that one time he wants to be with me makes me feel like I did something right- only to wonder what it was I did that made him “happy”. I stay because I am committed to the marriage, and because of my faith in Christ. But if I did not have the assurance that God can do all things, even heal my marriage, I would not stay. It is torture.

By: Erik Matlock

Erik Matlock — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:07:04 +0000

That was amazing. Thank you.