Comments on: Have Stories Damaged Your View of Sex?

By: J

Sun, 31 Aug 2014 23:21:15 +0000

In reply to Chuck.

I don’t believe abstinence programs are the problem, because they vary greatly in their approach and effectiveness. A simple don’t isn’t enough, but there are fabulous reasons to remain “chaste” until marriage — including physical, emotional, and spiritual reasons. Quite honestly, teens are having less sex than earlier peaks (by the stats), so maybe something’s having an effect.

Regardless, you’re right that churches need to be willing to address the subject, honestly and biblically. God created this thing called sex, and we Christians have an obligation to help people experience this gift in the right context.

By: Chuck

Chuck — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 19:38:09 +0000

Last Christmas I had a similar conversation with Julie of IiM one morning at a coffee shop. The church has always been at least 10 yrs. behind the curve here when it comes to good Christian resources on sexuality from a biblical perspective. 2 days ago I’m reading from Fox News that has an article in it’s sexual health section that men who have stayed chaste until marriage are now sexually confused b/c they were given “all” this support to stay chaste before marriage, but now that they are married and they don’t have that same support group to help them. I find it so hypocritical that the church reconizes that God created us Physically, Spiritually and Sexually, but guess which dimension doesn’t get equal time in the teaching area ? I realize that this all stems from the fall with Adam & Eve’s shame of their nakedness. But our children continue to suffer b/c of our own sexual problems that take a long time to heal. When the church tries to take the lead in “Teaching Abstinence” or “just say no” campaigns we don’t teach them about healthy God given sexuality. Abstinence Programs have a not so good track record, but we continue to teach them while the hormones are exploding with all of their mis-guided sexual energy. And then we have the gender identity issues along with the same sex battle. But if The Church does not start to deal with the “elephant in the room”, secular culture will continue to steer our youth’s curiosity.

By: J

Tue, 19 Aug 2014 13:43:19 +0000

In reply to Tyler.

I’m sure the expected answer would be me saying, “Oh no! EVERYONE should come to my site.” But actually, I agree with you. I think there are people who probably shouldn’t be reading my blog, or at least they should scan the titles and decide whether the topic is likely to be helpful. For instance, one time I might cover something about how to communicate about problems while another post involves specific how-to’s for the marital bedroom; if you’re in a sexless marriage, that latter one might simply frustrate. This is also one of the reasons I’d discourage singles from reading blogs like this too often, because you can’t act on what you read and you might end up fueling your desire and frustration.

You have my compassion, Tyler. I pray that your marriage comes to a place of health and happiness regarding intimacy. Maybe you can seek out those resources that will help with that. Maybe mine will make the cut sometimes, maybe you need to walk away. But know that God is always with you regardless. Blessings!

By: Tyler

Tyler — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 12:31:49 +0000

Agree. Our culture significantly affects the way we view and live out our relationships.
However, even sites like yours and Julie’s offer a host of information on a dozen different positions, tips for oral, where to put your hands, etc. and when my marriage hasn’t had any of those “healthy things” for years….I wonder if continuing to read your blog isn’t a stumbling block for me. I have expectations of what Godly intimacy should look like…and when it doesn’t happen or live up to what I read others here having…it leads to resentment, frustration, withdrawal, guilt and loads of pain.

By: Greg

Greg — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 00:59:42 +0000

…Precisely why I believe biblically-based websites like yours and Julie’s that address sexuality are so crucial. The world is aggressively force-feeding all of us lies and deceit about it (even if we don’t go looking for it–it’s getting more invasive by the day). And sadly, there are still some believers treating truth about sexual intimacy like an exclusive club. As a matter of survival, we *all* need reminders and encouragement of what sex is for, and how to deal with it wherever we are.

Current personal challenge: PC/console gaming (and no, I’m not the only 40+ year-old that still plays them). As fun as it can be, there are no longer options to switch off profane language and filter out sexual content. Some you can avoid in-game, some you cannot.