I hear ya. I have written several posts for higher-drive wives:

She Wants, He Doesn’t Want
Wives Wants Sex Link-Up
He Doesn’t Wanna, But I Do! Help for Higher-Drive Wives
He Doesn’t Wanna, But I Do! Be the Brownie
One More & I’ll Go Insane!
I Am the Higher-Drive Spouse (Or Yes, Rejection Hurts)
Two Words Your Higher-Desire Spouse Needs You to Hear
Does Your Husband’s Rejection Make You Doubt Yourself?

Know that you are not abnormal. It is perfectly healthy to desire sexual intimacy with your husband. Please continue to work on this aspect of your marriage. I pray that you will find the right perspective and resources for your situation. Blessings, Becca!

I never realized there was a problem in my marriage/sex life. I came to one blog just looking to read about how I could improve my Christian marriage and home. And you know how the internet is, all these blogs link to one another and before you know it you’re reading all different blogs.

So I begin reading about all these perfect wives. And seeing their perfect pictures. And reading about all these husbands that are in constant pursuit of their wives sexually, and the wives who keep trying to get him to back off. Huh? I suddenly realized I was in a bizarre situation. I liked sex with my husband. I initiated often. I think I liked having it more often than he did. I was swiftly learning that I was a weirdo. I was not a normal woman.

I should not like sex so much. Or rather, I should have to learn to like it. He should be pursuing me far more often. He wasn’t, so I began to see myself as repulsive, and nowhere near as desireable as the other wives who were commenting and writing. My initiating should have been a rare treat, not a couple times a week thing. So I stopped. Completely.

So I sunk into some serious self doubt. I began to see myself as ugly, inside and out, and unworthy of love. I felt pity for my husband for being married to someone so obviously undesireable. I started to question why God made me so abnormal with such a high sex drive. I was very unhappy and did some serious marital damage.

I had to take a blog reading break, as pointed out by a good friend and. my husband. After all, I didn’t even know the was a problem until I started reading how my life “should” be. I stopped initiating altogether and still cannot bring myself to do so. Thankfully my husband and I are beginning to heal from he damage, but it’s taking a loooong time.

So now I just peruse the safer blogs, and this title caught my eye. Thanks for pointing this out. Hopefully it will keep other wives like me from a similar mess.

Good answer to Lulu.
There is a scripture that gives pause to this discussion. In the Song of Solomon 2:6-8; 3:4-6; 8:3-5. Each scripture implores that love not be awakened, nor aroused before it is time.
In our modern courtships, there is an order to our purpose. Dating is a time to realize who we are, each in relation to the other, including Jesus. [A triple braided cord is not easily broken.] And in that time we come to know the depth of commitment to the Lordship of Christ, so that we can know the equality of our spousal yoking under the reins of Christ.
The engagement is the time to make commitments, to begin to order the business of our relation, or if you will, our worldly affairs. We are finalizing the terms of our contract with one another. It is a contract for the business of caring for one another. It has a beginning, a purpose, and an end. It is the 2nd most serious contract we will enter into, right behind our suzerainty contract with our Lord. It is not to be entered into lightly.
We should proceed with a clear head, and not let our emotions cloud and influence our good judgement. In the Living Bible, Proverbs 4:23 states emphatically, “Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life.” The emphasis continues — spurn the careless kiss, look straight ahead, don’t get sidetracked. You are on your way to a Proverbs 31 marriage with an honorable husband and wife.
Keep things in order. “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Love the scriptures you chose! Well-stated. Many blessings to you! May God guide you through the path of purity and into a godly marriage of intimate delights.

NIV Ecc 3:1
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

To say that this blog post came in God’s perfect timing , I hope, is a testimony of how your blog fulfills its God-driven purpose. I’m a 20-something female single Christian who has been suffering from the consequences of sexual immorality she has done in the past.

It’s actually quite comforting that the two Bible verses I mentioned above popped in my mind after reading your blog post. I know your blog is geared towards helping out married couples make God as the centre of their sacred union. It also consequently helps Christian singles like me re-orient their perspective on sex and marriage based on God intends it to be.

But seeing that there is indeed a time and season for everything, I guess I have to stay away from reading ALL blog posts here and choose the ones that fit the season that God wants me to be currently in. While reading your blog is good for me, it may not be beneficial for me at this point because I’m not yet married (like duh) but with God’s perfect timing, I know I’ll be able to read everything that’s written here. I’m looking forward to that day! 🙂

Keep the posts coming. God bless you and your family, J!

My husband and I have struggled with the sexual part of our marriage for decades as we’ve tried to overcome the negative teachings he encountered growing up (ie. sexuality is evil and dirty) and the resulting dysfunctions. Through prayer and a LOT of patience, I feel like we’re finally making some progress towards a sex life I’ve always longed for, but for right now, “Sex Savvy” just makes me feel sad because there’s a long way to go before those ideas can even be tried. God has promised me that we’ll get there, but it’s one step at a time.

This is actually my first time commenting. I read this blog for about two months before I got married. Leading up to the wedding the temptation can be seriously intense. Having said that, I agree with J. If you are devoted to waiting, reading this blog and others like it can be a great resource.

My recommendation would be to set a time limit or a blog limit for each day. Get some information and then move on. I got into a habit of spending way too much time on Christian blogs and websites about intimacy that I wasted so much time obsessing and worrying about it. When I realized I had a problem I quit reading all together.

All in all, what I learned before marriage definitely prepared me better for intimacy with my husband. What I’ve learned since then is that even with all the information in the world can’t tell you about YOUR husband—his likes, preferences, and desires. So I guess what I’m saying is learn some now, but remember you have the rest of your life to learn the rest. Blessings.