I believe there are more sexual problems outside the church, but yes, they definitely exist in the church as well. Thankfully, I think we are having a reawakening on this account. I pray that it spreads to churches everywhere. Thanks for your comment, Kevin. Many blessings to you and your marriage!

Yes, I have been doing my homework elsewhere! 🙂 I did get Sheila’s book and found it to be very helpful, as has your website. I thank God that you ladies follow His leading to provide good counsel where it is so desperately needed!

Thanks, Greg! Yes, 2005 is too long ago. I’m sure in those 9 years, everyone in your congregation hasn’t mastered what the Bible has to say about sex. Let’s pray that more pastors will speak up!

Can you see me doing a facepalm about that counseling moment? Because I totally am. OF COURSE, you want to be considering what your sexual intimacy will be like in marriage with your I Do’s less than a month away. I hope you’ve been reading up your own. You can check out posts about the wedding night and honeymoon here on my blog, and I’m also a fan of the Preengaged.com website and Sheila Gregoire’s The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex.

Congratulations, and many blessings for your wedded future!

Kudos to your preacher! Well done. Thanks for sharing!

I think what happens sometimes is that a preacher steps on and talks about sexuality, and then a few vocal churchgoers make a big fuss. And the preacher gets shut down. I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but I seen that sort of thing before. And I wonder if maybe we should all encourage our preachers more in such moments — tell them that we’re willing to hear the message, that they will be supported, that we believe it’s important.

And yeah, I’ve heard that communication stuff too. And while I definitely think it’s important, I don’t think it’s everything. In fact — and I’m going to get in trouble with someone here for saying this — communication is not in the list of Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5) or the traits of Love list (1 Corinthians 13). Both communication and sex need to be approached with those godly attitudes and behaviors; honestly, that’s what made such a difference in my marriage.

With whom are you disagreeing, John?

Because I definitely believe this is a topic that should be preached on, but I understand the hesitation some pastors have about how specific to get.

Your examples can probably help illustrate the point, in that we might talk about David beheading the dead Goliath, but I certainly don’t think anyone wants to hear about the specifics of performing a beheading in a Sunday morning sermon. We shouldn’t tiptoe around what happened, but we also don’t need every graphic detail. So I guess my encouragement to pastors is they really can preach what the Bible says and discuss what sex should mean for godly people, but we don’t expect them to give a play-by-play breakdown of the deed, so to speak. They can relax about that and bring the message.

Does that put us in agreement here? I think it might.

Sorry, but I completely disagree. And here’s the reason why: what you basically saying is “Don’t talk about what the bible teaches”. And as far as I understand it, God condemns anyone who both adds and removes from His Word.

Let me put it another way: Would you ever say,

“You can’t preach on Revelations: it talks about the world being destroyed, and people burining in hell for all eternity! Its just too graphic!”

or

“You can’t preach about Elijah and the prophets of Baal! Those guys used to throw babies into fires! Too graphic!”

or

“You can preach about being repentant of your sins! Or homosexuality! Or cohabitation! Or lying/stealing/cheating! You might offend someone!”

Of course not.

But you would say “Don’t preach on the Song of Solomon! It talks about enjoying your wifes breasts!”

I believe the Bible – its true and its God’s Word. If it teaches on something, then I believe Pastors have a responsibility to teach on it. Clearly. Fully. No ifs-ands-or-buts. And if all a pastor can do is do a few hand waves and all they say “Marriage is good. Ok, moving on…..” then they shouldn’t be a pastor.

Now I don’t mean preach on sex everyday… but if you go decades without preaching about it… something is wrong.

One other thing: I’ve noticed that people/preachers who say “we can’t talk about the goodness of sex in marriage” are sure quick to pound the pulpit about the “sins of sex” like adultery, porn, fornication, and abortion (usually blaming men). They are sure quick (and frequent) to always bring up those major sins (and they are!). Got no problem with that. I would just like to see some equal time on the sin of sexless marriages.