Comments on: My Awkward Marriage Class Moment

By: KarenR

KarenR — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 00:35:42 +0000

Thank you for having the courage to share so honestly.
I think sometimes in Christian culture there is a myth that is perpetuated that women don’t really want or need sex, it’s just something we do to get love. As I have gotten a little older and my children are older, sex is a lot more important to me and it is definitely important.
I think it goes along with the myth that men are visual and women are I guess more emotional.

By: mitzi

mitzi — Sun, 28 Sep 2014 02:26:13 +0000

This is so true it would be 1st or 2nd on mine, but I feel so alone in this,,so ackward and I’m a believer and married to the same man for 27 years!! But I need it a lot much more than he even does. Thanks for the article made me feel like singing hallelujah!!!

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 27 Sep 2014 17:43:07 +0000

Yes, yes, yes! I love this article. I’ve had a bit of a love-hate relationship with the Love and Respect book because I feel like it limits both men and women a little bit in the expression of their needs. Sex is high on my list also, but my list of needs changes often (like, possibly, even weekly). There are days when sex is one of my highest needs and other days where it would be nice, but it isn’t necessarily in my top five that day.

I certainly think we need to talk about this more in church and am alway glad to read that people are doing so!

By: erica

erica — Sat, 27 Sep 2014 16:01:48 +0000

I think more women are in your position than want to admit it. In our pre-marriage counseling 19 years ago, one of our sessions was on “Expectations”. Beforehand, we were supposed to write out a list of things we expected from/in marriage to talk about during that session. It was a great “pre-emptive strike” exercise that I highly recommend. The only problem is that I was too chicken to talk about the very FIRST thing on my list, “Have sex every day”! BOY, would that one little piece of honesty have saved a LOT of problems in the first couple of months of our marriage!

By: Alex

Alex — Fri, 26 Sep 2014 16:46:11 +0000

The thing is this doesn’t just happen in church group talks about sex. My husband and I have taken a personal finance class at church. We started at one church, moved far away and started it again in another. One group was very large, another much smaller. But in both of them no one was really willing to share, except us. And people would just stare at us like we were weird, but hey we were all in that class because we needed financial help. I think there are just some people like you and us who don’t mind sharing our personal experience to help others – we have what some call a heart of a teacher. Perhaps, just perhaps some of those people though felt they could identify and in some small way our sharing of our awkward stories helps them in some small way.
Now that I think about I’ve had the similar cricket chirping response when I have asked tough questions in a ladie’s Bible group. The stares are like “I can’t believe you would ask that and question the great men of the Bible or even God…” There is something about bringing people out of their comfort zone. But hey, you know what Jesus did a lot of, he shocked people and pulled them out of their comfort zone. So you go girl, they are awkward moments for Jesus’ glory. LOL. Keep it up!!!

By: Bonny @oysterbed7

Bonny @oysterbed7 — Fri, 26 Sep 2014 13:22:29 +0000

We’ve taken the same class and facilitated several times, too! It was a life changer for us. Only one class ever had a woman who said sexual fulfillment was #1. We only had a couple men say it was their #1, which I found surprising. Anyway, for me, finding a way to meet my husband’s number one need led me to re-thinking where my needs fall. In our last class, I moved sexual intimacy into the top 5.

Yeah, we are working hard here to dispel the ‘awkward moments’ of being real about godly sexuality. Thanks for sharing, J!!!

By: Newlywed

Newlywed — Fri, 26 Sep 2014 11:16:41 +0000

In reply to J. Thank you SO much. I know the enemy's ploy is to rip a part what the Lord joined together, & he's great at manipulating our thoughts towards that. If he can keep spouses from being "one" in all ways, he wins. My husband is truly a phenomenal Godly man & leader of our home. I just need to be more diligent in recognizing the limited schemes of the enemy, take my thoughts captive, & speak truth into the situation. Thanks again for your words & your blog...life changing! :-)

By: Lauren

Lauren — Thu, 25 Sep 2014 23:22:19 +0000

Good for you for being willing to stand up. This post actually hurts my heart bc I think far too few women don’t realize they need sex with their husband too and just how fulfilling it can and should be. I used to be one of those ladies largely bc I didn’t know any different. I think a lot of our issues from porn to women being captivated by 50 shades stem from a lack of understanding. It breaks my heart the church can’t be a better place to do that. The past year or so I certiably have tried to be more vocal even when at first awkward. Kuddos to you for standing in the gap and thank you for yor very realivant ministry 🙂

By: J

Thu, 25 Sep 2014 21:58:01 +0000

In reply to Greg.

GREAT question! I’m actually not even sure that all other wives in the classroom didn’t feel as I did; a few may have held back in the way they answered questions so that sex didn’t rank so up there. And just because a need doesn’t make the Top 5 doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy it. For instance, recreational companionship didn’t hit my list, but it hit my husband’s…and I greatly enjoy doing things with him. I don’t yearn for that activity like he does, but when I’m there, I’m having a great time!

I think the awkward moment had several sources — inside me as I actually said it aloud; from wives who totally didn’t understand; and from spouses in general who hadn’t heard a wife rank sex so high. Even if one’s marriage is fine on this count, some people buy into the larger societal myth that all husbands want it all the time and (almost) all wives are reluctant to oblige.

As to stats, I don’t know one specifically for that. We don’t even have really good numbers, that I know of, on how many marriages have a higher-drive wife (estimates I’ve seen range from 15 to 30%). I do believe that positive views of sexual intimacy are higher among practicing Christians (regular churchgoers, Bible readers, prayer sayers). I need to find that source, don’t I?

Thanks for the question, Greg!

By: James Meyer - Strategic-Marriage.com

James Meyer - Strategic-Marriage.com — Thu, 25 Sep 2014 21:56:39 +0000

We ran a small group based on the book Intimacy Ignited, and yeah, there were some awkward moments, but for the most part is was really well received and the discussions were good.