Daily Archives: October 27, 2014

But I Still Can’t Orgasm! What Next?

No matter how many tips on orgasm I give, there are likely to be wives out there who say, “But I still can’t orgasm!”

Some women feel they have tried every piece of advice they’d been offered or could seek out on their own, and the much-touted climax is still dangling out of reach. If this is you, perhaps there’s an underlying problem getting in the way of your ability to achieve the Big O. Let’s cover a few of the possibilities:

Woman with thought bubble and blog post title

Pain. How can you feel extreme pleasure when sex flat-out hurts? If you’ve been hoping that having an orgasm will deal with the pain you’ve been experiencing, that’s not likely to work. You need to address the pain itself, so you can enjoy sex with your husband. Then you’ll be able to feel the full pleasure of sexual intimacy and eventually reach climax.

If sex hurts, talk to your doctor about solutions. There is likely something that can be done to address your discomfort. You may also want to read my post on Pain & Pleasure and Sheila Gregoire’s excellent post on When Sex Hurts (Vaginismus).

Don’t settle for having pain during sex. It isn’t supposed to hurt, so treat it like any other pain in your body and look for answers and treatment.

Insensitivity. Some wives have reduced sensitivity. They feel pleasure, but it’s not quite enough to get them over the hump to orgasm. What are some possible reasons? Oftentimes, medications are at play. Certain medications, including some antidepressants and oral contraceptives, have been known to make it more difficult to achieve climax.

Talk to your doctor and consider other options. You might want to try another antidepressant or a different contraception method.

Of course, scarred tissue could be a factor for a few out there. Your gynecologist might have some suggestions for getting past that obstacle.

Psychological barriers. Even though you feel like you’ve done everything reasonable, you could still have psychological barriers keeping you from achieving orgasm. For instance, the wife who can’t surrender entirely because she was falsely taught that good girls don’t enjoy sex that much; the woman who was molested or raped and has buried memories of that horrible abuse; the wife who reconciled with a cheating husband and wants deep intimacy but struggles with trusting in the marriage bed.

Reaching the peak of sexual pleasure requires being able to surrender to the experience, and a bad sexual history can interfere with feeling comfortable and confident about letting go. If you believe something in your past is interfering with you getting the full pleasure God desires you to have in marital intimacy, then speak with your spouse, a friend, a mentor, your pastor, and/or a counselor. Start somewhere and don’t stop looking for answers and help until you’ve found it.

Fatigue. Too pooped to pop? It can happen. There is a certain amount of body energy required to reach climax. If you are super-low on sleep, not eating well, stressed beyond belief, depressed, or deficient in vitamins, you might find yourself struggling to march all the way up that hill of happiness to the peak of ecstasy.

My advice? Do what you know you should be doing. Sleep. Eat well. Rest. Get a checkup. And check out stay healthy tips from a blog I really like: Calm.Healthy.Sexy. Be good to yourself outside the bedroom, so you can feel good inside the bedroom.

Have you struggled to reach orgasm? What issues do you think you might be dealing with?