Monthly Archives: November 2014

Intimacy Revealed: My New Devotional Book Is Here!

Some themes crop up again and again on Hot, Holy & Humorous, like:

  • Sex is a gift from God to marriage.
  • God’s generosity is seen in how pleasurable and intimate sex can be for a married couple.
  • The Word of God is our guide for how to have God-honoring sexual intimacy.
  • Scriptures about marriage can be applied to the marital bedroom, as can scriptures about how to treat ourselves and one another.

Early in 2014, I began to earnestly search the Bible for lessons for the marriage bed and draft devotions based on what I found. I was amazed by how God’s plan for marriage and sexual intimacy shines through so many passages, both those we consider marriage scriptures and ones we don’t usually think to apply to that relationship.

I would love to walk you through that journey of discovering how God’s Word can nurture the sexual intimacy in your marriage. And my new devotional book, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage, does just that.

Intimacy Revealed book coverWhat does the Bible say about sexual intimacy?

Quite a lot actually. From marriage-specific scriptures to biblical principles, Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage guides Christian wives through weekly devotions that shed light on God’s gift of marital sex.

Each week includes a Bible passage, application, questions, and a prayer. These short devotions will deepen your understanding of God’s design of sexuality and encourage you toward a holier, happier, and hotter marriage.

Amazon (Kindle ebook)
Barnes & Noble (Nook ebook)
Print book

Many devotional books are 365 days, but I went for 52 weekly devotions. To be honest, when I try those 365-day ones, I hit about March 8 and feel bad that I’m still on January 27. (And all too often, by June I’ve just given up.)

Yes, of course, I should study the Bible daily, but my devotional activities tend to be a mix-and-match sort of thing — depending on what other Bible-study pursuits I’m involved in at the time. So weekly devotionals on sexual intimacy seemed just about right to me, allowing you to work on this aspect of your marriage while still doing other devotional or Bible study activities. You’ll also have time to ponder the questions throughout the week and maybe try out a different approach to a challenge in your marriage.

Each devotion only requires a few minutes. However, you may want to spend more time on the questions to really dig into your own marital situation and how to apply the Word of God there.

This devotional book is intended for wives in any stage of marriage. Whether your sex life is struggling or doing pretty well, the Word of God can illuminate areas where you can foster greater intimacy in your marriage.

The ebook is ready for purchase right now, from Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Priced at $4.99, the ebook is cheaper than a tube of personal lubricant, a pair of Victoria’s Secret undies, or a bottle of bubble bath. I’d assert that your marital intimacy is worth $5 and 10-15 minutes a week.

The print book will be available very soon, since I’m just waiting on proof copies to double-check before I click Publish. I’ll announce here (and everywhere else I can) when the print format goes live.

As you can see, I’m pretty excited about this. From germ of an idea to fully-finished book is a journey in and of itself, but even more wonderful was what I learned and had reinforced as I wrote and then read back through the devotions. My God is a loving, generous Father. And today especially, it’s easy to thank Him for the beautiful gift of sexual intimacy in marriage.

May you experience all He has in store for you in your marriage!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank the Lord for the Night Time

My parents were music lovers, and my dad was a stereo/speaker guy. I have fond memories of growing up in my house with a variety of music playing in the background — everything from Frank Sinatra to Elvis Presley to Olivia Newton-John to Neil Diamond.

Yep, I had plenty of Neil Diamond lyrics memorized by junior high. And one of my favorite songs was “Thank the Lord for the Night Time.” I think my reasons at the time were the beat, the melody, and the harmonies. But I recently went back and read the lyrics, and they’re pretty good. Certainly, something you could apply to your marriage.

Since it’s Thanksgiving in the United States this week (Thursday), I thought I’d share the lyrics with you. Maybe you’d like to thank our Lord for the night time as well (although hey, you can get intimate any time of day you want).

Illustrated couple in bed at nightDaytime turns me off,
And I don’t mean maybe
Nine to five
Ain’t takin’ me where I’m bound
When it’s done,
I run out to see my baby
We get groovin’
When the sun goes down

I thank the Lord for the night time
To forget the day
A day of up, uptight time
Baby, chase it away
I get relaxation, it’s a time to groove
I thank the Lord for the night time
I thank the Lord for you

I’ll talk about plans
Now Baby, I got plenty
But nothing ever seems to turn out
The way it should
Talk about money,
Girl, I ain’t got any
Seems like just one time
I’m feeling good

I thank the Lord for the night time
To forget the day
A day of up, uptight time
Baby, chase it away
I get relaxation, and it’s a time to groove
I thank the Lord for the night time
I thank the Lord for you

Seems like just one time
I’m feeling good
I thank the Lord for the night time
To forget the day
A day of up, uptight time
Baby, chase it away
I get relaxation, and it’s a time to groove
I thank the Lord for the night time
I thank the Lord for you

Thank the Lord for the night time
Thank the Lord for you

Although I feel good far more often than that “one time” and I truly enjoy my work, these lyrics still capture how sexual intimacy in marriage can feel at times — empowering, refreshing, reassuring. And after we’ve made love, it’s easy to have that prayer on my lips of thanking my Heavenly Father for my husband and our marriage.

So thanks, Lord, for the night time. And thanks so much for my husband. I pray all spouses nurture their intimacy and gratefulness for one another.

What are you thankful for about your spouse? How does making love empower, refresh, or reassure you?

Is Your Husband the Sexiest Man Alive?

Male silhouette with blog post titleAlmost every year since 1985, People magazine has named its “Sexiest Man Alive.” It’s become a widely publicized event to find out who scored the year’s honor of being the world’s most attractive (celebrity) man.

Previous winners include Mel Gibson, Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Jackman, Johnny Depp, and Adam Levine. This year’s winner? Chris Hemsworth. (In case you don’t know who that is, I have one word for you: Thor.)

But I take issue with that whole thing. Because hey, I’m living with the sexiest man alive! At least in my opinion. And my prayer is that every wife would feel that way about her husband.

All too often, I hear wives speak about and drool over some celebrity guy, even joking that they’d leave their own husband if that hunky actor or singer showed up at their door. Look, I get it. God made some highly attractive men, and I notice them too. As they say, I’m married, not blind.

But when it comes to where we place our sexual drive focus, that should go to the man who put a wedding ring on your finger and a lifelong vow on his lips.

So yeah, I think my husband is the sexiest man alive. Not because he has big biceps or baby blue eyes like Chris Hemsworth (he doesn’t), but because his intimate love for me is beyond sexy — it’s holy and hot and mine-all-mine.

So how can you cultivate that feeling that your husband is the sexiest man alive? Here are a few ideas:

Stop focusing on some far-off celebrity. A reminder about most of these celebrities: It’s part of their job to look good. Thus, many of them have personal chefs, athletic trainers, make-up artists, hair stylists, etc. to enhance their features. So when you see that guy in a photo shoot for a magazine, he’s been spruced up. But sexy is more than looking good. Remember that you don’t know that guy, not really. So don’t dwell on getting hot and bothered over some stranger whose biggest draw is their amped-up appearance.

Remember what appealed to you about your husband. When you first picked your hubby, I’m sure you gazed at him lovingly. He looked good in your eyes. You wanted to check him out, be near him, kiss his handsome face. And he’s the same, even if there are some more wrinkles or maybe love handles on him. Tap into those memories and the feelings you had about how sexy your husband was when you picked him out.

Remind yourself of his current assets. I recently posed a quick question on social media asking people to name three things they loved about their spouse. I started the ball rolling with my answer of “his integrity, his humor, and his wintertime facial hair.” I loved the responses I got, which included a lot of good and godly characteristics but also physical features — like his eyes, his handsome good looks, his height, his hands, his dimples, his butt. Why not take stock of what you like about your husband’s body? I bet he’s got some sexy stuff you could note and appreciate.

Romance your guy. There’s a lot of talk about husbands romancing their wives, and that’s a great idea. But make your own efforts to stoke those romantic feelings for your husband. When you invest in flirting, dating, and stirring up the sexy factor in your marriage, you’ll start to see your man as well-worth your second and third glances. If you’re looking for romantic ideas, I recommend reading The Romantic Vineyard.

Nurture your sexual intimacy. Sexy is as sexy does. If you have satisfying sexual intimacy in your marriage, your husband will feel pretty darn sexy to you. What’s sexier than the man you love more than anyone else in the world bringing you to the peak of pleasure and melding his body with yours? Find time to be intimate, playful, and sexual together. If you follow God’s design for sexual intimacy, your definition of sexy will become the way your husband treats you in the marriage bed.

Yep, I’m convinced that, regardless of what People magazine says, my husband is the sexiest man alive. Chris Hemsworth, or any other celebrity, would finish a distant second.

Now tell me why you think your man is the sexiest man alive. And how can you cultivate that approach to your husband?

What Should Your Husband Wear to Turn You On?

There’s a lot of talk about us wives looking good for our husbands. I’m all in favor of that, but what about the guys putting a little effort into their appearance? What is your man doing to turn you on with his hottie body?

Here are some ideas for inside and outside the bedroom.

Suit tieSuit up. As ZZ Top sang, “Every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man.” However, unless your husband works in a profession that requires donning suits, you’re not likely to see your guy in a jacket and tie all that often. Even so, look for opportunities to get snazzied up now and then. Maybe you two could have a semi-formal or formal date night, or maybe you should go to your cousin’s wedding after all and dance the night away in your super-sharp attire. At the very least, invest in a spiffy tie for nicer occasions. Maybe you could let him know that if he’ll wear the tie on your date night, you’ll wear nothing but the tie later.

Soldier hatUniform. You’ve heard the statement that women love a man in uniform. I’m not talking about a fast food t-shirt and cap, but along the lines of military, firefighter, or law enforcement. I believe the uniform appeals because it carries a sense of potency as well as sharpness. Men in uniform are seen as, well, manly, and their duds reflect extra attention to looking well-groomed. If your husband wears one of these uniforms regularly, my thanks to him for making the world safer. But for the rest of us, maybe you don’t need the whole uniform, just a hint of it for that manly man you married. Grab a uniform-themed cap or t-shirt or maybe just some camouflage pajama pants for your hubby.

Liam Neeson, Rob Roy

Liam Neeson in Rob Roy (1995)

Kilt. Bonny of Bonny’s Oyster Bed7 recently posted on the appeal of men wearing kilts. I tend to agree. Yes, some men think it’s a skirt, but to us women, No, It’s Not. Need convincing? Kilts have been worn by all these masculine men: Sean Connery, Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Christopher Lambert, Gerard Butler, David Tennant, Hugh Jackman, Vin Diesel. Yes, Vin. Diesel. Unless you’re heading to Scotland anytime soon, you’ll likely need to purchase one online. But if you can get your hubby to wear a kilt, more power to you.

Undies. I’ve written about men’s underpants before, but the upshot is — if at all possible — hubbies need to retire the whity tighties. Yes, we know how practical they are, but wives would usually rather see their hubby in a pair of colored briefs or boxers. Or hey, how about silky boxers? Most wives do have an opinion about what undies they’d like their man to wear, and hubbies would do well to find something their wives like too.

Shirtless. But whatever’s on your husband’s bottom half, let’s face it, shirtless works. (Yes, I hear you hubbies are also in favor of shirtless. We know.) The male torso is so different in structure and shape that it’s a rather interesting view. Now don’t take this too far — this doesn’t mean that you mowing your lawn in nothing but cargo shorts or jogging through the neighborhood in Spandex bike shorts is what we want to see. I’m talking about what your wife might be interested in seeing in the privacy of your home. Many wives like to see their husband’s shoulders, arms, torso, and all the muscles there. (Love handles also acceptable.)

These are just some ideas, but what wives want husbands to wear is specific to each wife. Hubbies, ask her what she likes to see you in. And wives, share what you wish he’d wear (nicely, please).

Cowboy bootsAs for me? Well, I’m a thoroughbred Texan, and outside the bedroom, there is something about my hubby in a pair of well-fitted jeans and cowboy boots that makes my heart holler. Inside the bedroom? Well, that’s between me and the hubster.

Your turn. What do you like to see your hubby wear — inside or outside the bedroom? What should your husband wear to turn you on?

Does Your Spouse Think about Previous Lovers?

Quite a discussion erupted in the comments section of My Husband Is the Best Lover I’ve Ever Had, fueled by a wife whose husband mentioned a previous lover in a way that shook the wife’s confidence.

Man thinking with thought bubblesThe discussion that ensued made me think about this question for myself: Do I ever think about my previous lovers? (The ones before I truly repented, got married, and began to enjoy the vast difference between that posed version of love and the real, honest-to-goodness thing?)

I wanted to immediately say no, but sometimes I have thought about them. Though probably not in the way some might think.

A few of those guys in my younger years took advantage of a situation and capitalized on my weaknesses for their own selfish pleasure. When I’ve thought of them, it’s sometimes followed by the image of me giving them a hard punch to the gut. Because that was uncool, man. Totally uncool.

And then there are a couple took advantage of, for which I’ve given myself numerous internal punches to my own gut. When I’ve thought of those men, I ache over my actions and wish I could apologize.

The ones in the middle, where we both acted stupidly, selfishly, and shortsightedly? I feel pretty neutral about that — bad about my own actions and bad about theirs, which sort of cancels each other out.

But the truth is that, at this point in my marriage, my past lovers are like that dorky hairdo or fashion choice I wore back in the 80s. If I think of them at all, which is rare, it’s a distant memory that reminds me of my bad choices, but without much emotion attached.

It’s very much a that-was-then, this-is-now sense I have about the whole thing. As if that was a different person who engaged in those activities, a person wholly unlike this new creature in Christ with forgiveness, sacrificial grace, a fresh start, and God-blessed marital intimacy. I know that girl existed and that she’s a part of me, but she’s that part with the bad, teased-out perm and four-inch-high shoulder pads who lip-synced tunes with her Sony Walkman tape player and talked to her friends on a princess phone while curling the tangled cord around her fingers. Who was that girl?

And even if I think about one of those guys and my presence with them, I don’t really think about the sex. Except when I’m thinking about it for this blog or a book, in order to make comparisons that show how much better sex can be in a covenant marriage blessed our Heavenly Father. But that’s still a pretty clinical look at my past.

So honestly, I do think about my past lovers, but not as lovers . . . more like pieces of the disordered puzzle that was my past. And if I think about them as people, I wish them well — pray they found peace and forgiveness and love along their journey.

But does this mean your spouse doesn’t think about past lovers?

I can’t answer that.

Still, I have a gut feeling that many spouses feel about like I do — that was then, this is now. Even if they had a physically wonderful time with a previous lover, they don’t want to go back and have that. They chose the one they want to be with . . . and it’s you.

Sometimes, I have heard comments like how a husband wishes his wife was as sexually assertive as a former lover. Or a wife who fondly remembers the tenderness of a former lover. And that can feel like he or she wants the former lover. I doubt that’s true. Because while they may recall a quality from a previous lover — or maybe even an activity or location or event — what they really want is you with that quality, activity, location, etc.

It can be hard to tease that out — to feel like it’s an original experience when your spouse had such an experience without you. Which is one of the reasons why I believe God wants us to wait until marriage. But while having a sexual past presents challenges, they’re not insurmountable.

To me, the answer is creating your own memories that blow the old ones out of the water. Making the answer to the question, Do you think about old lovers?, a resounding, Why think of that when I could have THIS?!

Don’t worry that by engaging in similar behaviors or activities you’re recreating an old memory for him. That’s pretty unlikely, because you are your own person and the two of you have your own thing. Even if you had fun sex in the back seat with some guy back in 1988, it won’t be anything like that to have sex with your husband in the back seat of your vehicle today. Because you exist with a different and deeper connection, and the memory you make with your mate won’t be cringe-at-my-bad-perm stuff, but rather an addition to the treasure of memories that express and reinforce your love.

Does your spouse think about previous lovers? Maybe. But I suspect he thinks way more often about making love with you — the one he loves.

“. . . I found the one my heart loves.” — Song of Songs 3:4