I think you do need to be respectful of your spouse though and not share every single part of your intimate experiences. However, having a friend that you can say, “Hey, have you ever had this happen when you’re being intimate?” that is pretty important.

For me, I have a friend from high school I can talk to. That is just a long-term relationship that has its comfort levels.

However, I have a friend that I started opening up to a few years ago. One thing I did to open the conversations about sex was to put together a gift basket for her and her husband to have romantic night. I didn’t put sex toys in it or anything. I just bought some massage oil, a candle, chocolate, and body lotion. Simple things that would help create a romantic setting.

After I gave her and her husband that gift, it sent them both a signal that my husband and I were ok talking about sex. I think it surprised them to receive that gift, as innocent as it was. However, it gave them the permission to talk with us individually and together about sex and our marriage relationship.

We’ve talked about how to tell your kids about sex. We’ve had conversations about vasectomy and getting tubes tied. I’ve had other more intimate conversations the wife about questions I have in regards to sex. It really is great to have a couple friend that you and your husband can talk to about intimacy.

Linked to this post.

Thanks, Dan.

I think one of the most important aspects is choosing godly wives who support my marriage, not merely a group of women who’ll agree with whatever I say. Thus, when I’ve brought a problem to one of these friends, they’ve sometimes nailed me for my own selfish behavior and pointed out where I need to change to make our marriage stronger. In doing so, I believe they honor me, my husband, and our marriage.

I agree with your take on this. You can’t ask for specific help with a problem until you define the problem. It really is about the intent behind the remark not so much what was said. It does need to be done with proper discretion which may vary in each marriage.

So here’s a test I have given myself: If this conversation with a friend were being recorded and my husband got a hold of it someday, how would he feel? If I would be horrified for him to hear the way I talked about him, I’m likely not speaking respectfully. But if in hindsight, he listened and thought, “So THAT’s where you got that great advice that improved our marital intimacy!” we’re probably okay. (And since I’ve shared such conversations with him later, after the fact, I’m pretty sure I’m on point here.)

And yes, you put it so well about genuinely wanting wise counsel from a friend. Thanks so much for that!

Oh, I completely appreciate inquiries and even challenges. Iron sharpens iron and all that. 😉 Thanks for the great question.