Here is a followup post of what to get our wife for this year.
Here are some very personalized gifts, you can give your wife. http://wp.me/p50Bqq-4j

“A Blessed man” – Wow can I appreciate your comments.

Ladies, please know that your man’s ego is very fragile. Many of the wives we work with in marriage coaching fail to understand that a macho exterior or even a hard shell in communication does not mean a strong emotional male psyche.

It may be difficult for your he-man husband to admit he is a “little boy” in some areas of his inner being. He may have hidden that from you trying to keep his image of a provider. He was not trying to be secretive, he is afraid of how you will react if you find out he is vulnerable where you think he should be strong. By the way that makes him human, not weak!

Be open to his frailties and you will be astounded how much he appreciates your help.

Recently my wife was sharing with one of our close friends (female) about how frail my ego is and she was shocked because I act confident because in my roles, I am supposed to be that way.

As I came up on the conversation I asked our friend why she thought I appear confident and really have the same trepidations as others , she was not sure. I told her it is my way to control the situations and keep people at arms length.

Many clowns suffer from depression but their face is painted in a smile.

What haunts your husband? Take the time to help him know that you are a safe place for him to be at peace. Your relationship will never be the same!

Jerry Stumpf – Your marriage communication coach

Amen!

Your post really resonated with me, because I know at times I’ve made my wife feel the same way. I just want to make a few observations/comments from a male perspective:
– for a man who truly loves his wife, one of the very worst feelings is to know that your wife desires you, but not feel able to respond accordingly
– I think sometimes we buy into the idea that men’s sexuality is as simple as more “hotness”= more arousal, always; we may operate that way sometimes apparently, but the reality is that we’re not that simple
– If he says he finds you attractive, and he loves you, BELIEVE HIM! despite what his body does. If you do not trust his love, he will pull away.
– don’t buy the lie that some image of “physical perfection” is the key, because it’s not
– if you love him, DON’T GIVE UP ON HIM. You have no idea the impact you can have on your husband if you’re willing to persevere no matter what; the moments my wife has briefly given up on me have been devastating, while her persistence while I’m struggling has blessed me many times over
– you need to talk to your husband about what the issues are, and it sounds like some sort of counselling is warranted to get to what the real issues are. If you both love each other and are committed to each other, then commit yourselves to finding a better way together!

I read these blogs and so many men feel their wives don’t give them enough sexy times. I actually don’t get a lot of pleasure out of the thing itself, but when my husband looks at me ‘that way’ I have no problem being in the mood. So, husbands, try making your wives feel ‘teh sexy’!

I love hearing stories like this — a husband who absolutely adores the beauty of his wife. Thanks!

Absolutely. You are not alone, I have had both men and women come to see me 10 or 20 years after the “line was drawn” saying exactly what you just did, they miss oral and they would like it back, but he or she is afraid to ask their spouse for it. If there was an outright no never again kind of line, I applaud you because many of those couples are thinking their marriage is over, especially men because that goes to their core being of maleness. You are rejecting him not oral, men get pretty shaken over it. Women can be happy with other things but why not have all God intended? If you are afraid to ask him then suggest it by position. Often the other spouse was happy with what ever else was going on intimately, or was angry in the moment if they actually said “no”, and he/she didn’t miss it and right now does not realize how much you do. He may miss it too. I cannot tell you the difference it can make. If talking does not seem comfortable my next suggestion is to start on him and see if he reciprocates, that’s a good starting point, next or if you feel comfortable try an easy 68 position (think 69 but facing on your sides) where he can easily reach you as well, and see what he does. Lastly hair. If you used to trim/shave or get waxed, do it again, If you never did before consider enticing him, get a Brazilian or Bikini wax, men are visual and he will struggle to ignore that sight especially if you are right in front of him. He might be hesitant because men like to do things well and he is out of practice, so encourage him if he does make an effort. The real point is if something changed find out what. I often find one spouse just prefers intercourse and so they stopped oral, but never realized how important it was to their mate. Adding it back can definitely spice things up again.

Dear W – please don’t give up yet! I’m a higher drive wife married to a lower drive husband, and even on a good day the difference between our sex drive can be frustrating. Add in that my husband gets up at 4:30 am and doesn’t get home from work until pm means that there are quite a few nights where he crashes/falls asleep before we get time even just to talk without the kids around. Please, please don’t let yourself get totally shipwrecked over this. Everything that J suggested is true and really does apply in this situation (speaking again from personal experience). And even if we all had totally attractive bodies and faces our whole lives, if we continually thought we were ugly then we’d have a hard time finding intimacy, physically and mentally/spiritually. And please, please stop the comparison – there’s always going to be someone who is better than us at something, appearance or talents, and it’s too easy to take that like a stick and beat ourselves up with it. Try instead to list all the ways that he shows that he cares and loves you, the good things about his personality that you appreciate, even all the times that he has responded or approached you sexually. This is not easy at all to do, especially when we’re stuck in a more of comparison, frustration, and rejection. But it is definitely worth working on. I’ve prayed many times that God would take my sex drive away – He hasn’t yet, but with a lot of prayer, and communication with my husband, and working on my own attitudes and perceptions and weaknesses things have gotten better. Things aren’t perfect in my marriage and sex life, but what might seem seem like perfect should be probably won’t end up being what my husband and I will share in our lives together. I’ll be praying for you! 🙂