If you think you’re damaging your marriage, stop doing what you’ve been doing! I’m not saying to ignore the issue. But the approach of pleading, begging, and trying to spark his desire isn’t working. So brainstorm what else you can do! For instance, it often feels in such situations that if we could only get our spouse to really LISTEN to us…but are we listening to them? Do we know what’s going on that’s causing barriers for them? Also, we can see ourselves on separate sides, instead of addressing this as a WE problem. So talk more in terms of what will benefit BOTH of you and the marriage, than your own personal needs. Try to make these conversations relationship-building rather than stomach-clenching experiences. Ask what would make him more interested in pursuing marital intimacy, and then explain why you really want to pursue it for the marriage. Maybe if you change the way you approach the situation, you two can work together for a solution. Blessings!

How did you make it!?! I’m going through the same thing, and I’m about to die. Lol

Your weight? Given what you describe, I doubt that’s everything going on with him. Please don’t give up. Continue to communicate, invest in your friendship, and pursue sexual intimacy when you can. If you can get him to address his lack of drive, do so. Also, pray for him.

And while I understand the draw of toys, just know that continued use of a stimulator like that can rewire your arousal, such that it’s more difficult to engage with your real, life husband later. Let’s face it: No guy can move like that. So while I don’t believe toys are sinful, I do think they can pose a risk to a relationship, depending on how they are used.

Praying for your situation. I know this rejection feels personal and painful, but it may be something that rests with him. Blessings!

Thank you. We have great communication so far. I am just always intimidated taking about sexual stuff with him. We step together once in high school when neither of us were Christians. And our lives and language was very different then.

It’s quite possible that you marry as the higher-drive spouse, and things change. I think it’s more important to marry someone who sees the importance of godly sexual intimacy in marriage and who’s willing to work on issues together to achieve unity than having someone who matches your drive. Because most married couples will have things to work out in the sex department, and it’s the philosophy, the attitude, the communication skills that matter in the long run.

Congratulations! I salute you both for waiting. And many blessings for your future!

There are a lot of wives I wish I could speak to personally. Continue to love her, pray for her, and hope. I am saying a prayer for you too.