Aw, thanks to them for the referral! Glad to have you as subscriber. Welcome, Deb!

My thoughts?

1) Work on getting healthy. It doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable in your skin, although you’re obviously trying (huge applause for that!). I suggest working on getting your body healthy for your own sake — so that it will work better, you’ll feel better, and you’ll have more energy. When we wives take care of ourselves, we are typically more confident about sharing our bodies with our husbands. My go-to resource for ideas on healthy wives is Gaye’s Calm.Healthy.Sexy. blog.

2) Your husband may not be responsive right now, due to a long drought. Some husbands have admitted that they finally shut down their sex drive, as much as they can, because it caused them too much emotional pain. Then when a wife wants to reignite things, it takes a while for the husband to believe this is real and not just a fluke. So keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t give up yet.

3) Don’t play out scenarios in your head so much. You know this, of course. When you feel the desire to initiate, go for it. Be prepared that you might get turned down, perhaps more at the beginning than as you continue, but if you don’t ask, you don’t know. And men are not always sure about subtle clues when wives try to initiate. Wearing something sexy might be a signal, but some guys aren’t sure. So we can think we’re being obvious, and they remain unconvinced. In this case, just say it! “I’d love to be intimate tonight” or “Would you like to have sex?” or, as I actually said to my husband the other day, “I was hoping we could go sheet-diving.” (Yes, you can steal that. 😉 )

4) Let it take time. You’re building sexual intimacy, not throwing up a pre-fabricated sex life. Go one brick at a time, pursuing intimacy with your husband through spending time together, communicating often, respecting and encouraging him, showing affection, and offering sex.

Praying for you both!