Comments on: Working Through Physical Pain in the Marriage Bed

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 04:13:55 +0000

I am a 12-year survivor of breast cancer. I had a bilateral mastectomy and complete hysterectomy. Since the cancer was fueled by esyrogen, that isn’t an option. On top of that, I had a sexual sin decades ago for which I never forgave myself until tonight after a frank conversation with my husband, my soulmate of 29 years.
Body image issues? Check.
Ongoing health/pain issues? Check.
Thanks for the article/testimony. Praise God I found this!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 04:53:30 +0000

In reply to Jolene @Christian Wife University. I was chronically Ill dealing. With severe Pain and chronic respitory. I thought. My husband. Understand but. the things. he say make me fill like im a burdene to him. I told how he makes me feel.

By: Bri

Bri — Wed, 29 Jul 2015 03:34:35 +0000

Thankful I found this. Tears are streaming down my face. My husband and I married right out of college just over a year ago and I started the battle against my chronic illness before we started dating. He has been my biggest support and to this day I can’t believe he chose this life. As if the guilt was not enough, intimacy pain has been an issue for us since our wedding night. Being a young bride, I felt very alone. Reading your posts and the comments have blessed me in so many ways. I thank you for your vulnerability and faithfulness.

By: Working Through Physical Pain in the Marriage Bed

Working Through Physical Pain in the Marriage Bed — Sun, 26 Jul 2015 23:36:42 +0000

[…] sharing today over at Hot, Holy & Humorous! Click here to read the rest of this […]

By: virginia

virginia — Sat, 20 Jun 2015 23:22:17 +0000

I thank you so very much for this post! I deal with chronic pain & intimacy is not what it used to be. My relationship with my amazing hubby is 2nd only to my relationship with the Lord. He means so much to me & I know that physical intimacy is an important part of our relationship. Again, thank you for all of the tips & encouragement!

By: virginia

virginia — Sat, 20 Jun 2015 23:18:40 +0000

In reply to M. Your comment has given me more hope. I'm sorry to hear about your health & at the same time it's reassuring to know that you & your hubby have been able to stay together through this. Everything I've read about couples when one becomes chronically ill is so negative. I struggle with fibromyalgia, depression and many add'l issues & am unable to do most of the things I used to. My sweet husband has been more than supportive & so loving & taken over household chores & all of the cooking. You've given me more ideas to focus on intamicy & for that I thank you!

By: J

Thu, 07 May 2015 14:14:56 +0000

In reply to M. There's so much beauty in your comment. Thanks for sharing it. Blessings to you and your marriage!

By: M

Wed, 06 May 2015 00:02:19 +0000

I also have a lot of physical issues from MS to a complete hysterectomy at 29 for cancer and recurring ovarian cysts. I have a blood clot disorder that keeps me from using hormones to help with my menopausal issues. My husband is also one of the millions of men who suffer from low testosterone. We are getting help, but we’ve not been able to have physical intimacy in over 4 years. We will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary next month. We are closer than ever because we put a priority on being intimate. Intimacy doesn’t have to be purely physical. We love to be with each other, and there’s no one else we’d rather spend time with or talk about. We both read extensively and foster conversations about anything and everything. I also try to be as pretty as possible for my darling husband. Yes, I feel horrible most of the time, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t look pretty. No ugly dingy white underwear that my grandmother wouldn’t even wear. Pretty tank tops and pj pants. I take care of my skin and use cosmetics to cover my dark under eye circles and pale face that makes people stop me in public to ask if I’m ok. My husband is the person I want to impress the most. He appreciates my efforts. We do things for each other. I can no longer clean or cook much, but my husband reassures me that it’s my company that he wants, not the chores that I used to do. I listen to him and rest during the day so I can feel well enough to talk to him at night and do something with him. I used to think that my home and meals should rival Martha Stewart’s because my self worth was tied up in how amazing a wife I could be. While my husband does share my love of cooking, all the other tasks just weren’t important. The most important aspect of keeping our relationship intimacy is being honest with each other and telling the person what we need. The 5 Love Languages is the best instruction manual to help us articulate how we feel the most loved. I, like a lot of women, felt like I shouldn’t have to tell my husband what I wanted. My husband WANTS to please me, but he’s not a woman and doesn’t pick up signals like women do. I don’t always understand what he wants either. I used to feel so bad that my dh didn’t put as big a priority on gifts as I did. That’s not how he feels love. Now that I’ve told him that it’s how *I* feel loved, he gets so excited to surprise me with flowers as well as other gifts–he’s even picked out handbags for me–knowing my taste better than I do. It shows that he really *does* pay attention, but he didn’t feel confident enough to try to please me until I stopped criticising what he did do for me. Dh’s love language is acts of service and being thanked for what he does. I’ve cleaned the kitchen for him, and I try to catch him doing chores and give him a huge hug and kiss and tell him how much that means to me. By his reaction, you’d think I bought him a sports car. I also “flash” my husband. Yes, I lift up my shirt and let him watch me get dressed. I think body image is Satan’s biggest tool in keeping Christian couples from enjoying the sex lives that God intended. My dh tells me that my body is perfect, and he loves every single inch of it. Not believing him was very hurtful to him and to our relationship. Instead of hiding my body and not letting my husband enjoy it, I believed him when he said I was beautiful. His opinion is the one that matters the most to me, anyway. I walk differently in public. I dress modestly, but I also dress attractively, like the Proverbs 31 woman who clothed her family in scarlet–the best clothing she could find. My dh gave me the best compliment recently, by telling me that my positive and grateful attitude was what made him want to race home and spend time with me. He treats me like a queen because I treat him like my king. We still squabble and are far from perfect, but we have prioritized our marriage as the outward example of Christ’s work in our hearts. We can’t wait to be able to get our physical relationship back to what we enjoyed as newlyweds, and we know that our sex will be better than ever because we truly know and like each other. As my grandmother would remind me: Life can make you bitter, or it can make you better. I am so thankful for God’s love and instruction so we can make our lives better.

By: Wise Up, Wives! An Online Conference You Should Attend | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Thu, 02 Apr 2015 13:23:53 +0000

[…] remember Jolene from her recent, and fabulous, guest post here on Hot, Holy & Humorous about working through physical pain in the marriage bed. Jolene has a beautiful heart for marriages, and her invitation to me to speak at the Wisdom for […]

By: Jolene @Christian Wife University

Jolene @Christian Wife University — Wed, 25 Feb 2015 06:05:42 +0000

In reply to Misty.

No, friend, you’re not alone! Glad to hear you were ministered to!
Hugs,
Jolene