This is a great post; there is one thing I would add, for a situation like mine…

I’m terminally ill, and physical touch causes pain, so my wife has “turned off” the physical relationship to avoid hurting me. This expanded to a separate-bedroom lifestyle.

She does not realize, and would not hear when I told her, that rejection was far worse than any physical pain.

It’s too late now. I’ve acclimated, and will never ask again. I’ve changed, and all my energy is now in the fight in which I find myself. Perhaps it’s better this way; perhaps I’m more effective in the fight for survival, not distracted by softness.

But I’m a statistical outlier; as a former SF operator and paramilitary, I actually ENJOY fighting the disease that’s killing me. It’s one more challenge, one more enemy to kill. I’m OK with a dead libido, because it’s what I was built for. I’m a fighter, not a lover.

For almost anyone else, the lack of physical closeness and comfort would be hell.

But I bet most women, and most church leadership, would completely disagree with this statement:

“desiring to emotionally and spiritually connect with their husband’s through sexual intimacy”

I believe most would say, “I can’t be sexual until I have that emotional and spiritual connection!” So they limit, abstain, or outright refuse sexual connection until the emotional and spirtitual is “taken care of first!” Little do they know that they are sabotaging the very thing that they want.

Am I saying sex first then emotional/spirtitual? No – but emotional/spirtitual first then sex is wrong as well. You are not dating. You are not going thru premarital counseling. You are married. Sex is a part of it. So is emotional/spiritual. If you deny one, you deny the others.