In your situation, I wouldn’t hint anymore. I’d flat-out to say, “I’m not having sex with you if it’s only for you.” That’s not depriving him of sex, because you’re obviously willing and available to engage in sexual intimacy. You’re just setting boundaries and refusing to be treated like his sex toy.

This post might help too: Your Pleasure & Orgasm Matter.

I suspect you know the answer. Evangelicals do not agree with the Catholic conclusion that male ejaculate cannot be “spilled” outside the wife. I’ve actually covered this with a discussions on masturbation, if you want to read that: http://intimacyinmarriage.com/2011/10/19/more-masturbation-talk-from-a-couple-of-wive/ and https://hotholyhumorous.com/2012/09/masturbation-hands-on-or-hands-off/ That said, I haven’t made a point of dissuading Catholics from their viewpoint. We should each study what the Bible says and act in good conscience before God (see Romans 14:22-23).

J,
Yes I am aware of Christopher West Theology of the Body. It is a great read as is Holy Sex by G. K. Popcak on Catholic marital sexuality. Talk about Hot sex, the write ups are exceptional and as about as detailed anyone would want (too much tmi for some I’m sure). These books have opened up many doors liberating sexuality for Catholics. The freedom to perform along with its limits are well laid out. Of course with all of these doors now opened, male ejaculation must still be deposited in the vagina for all marital sexual activities. There is no open ejaculation allowed without penalty of mortal sin, even in the loving/pleasuring moments of self giving. The woman is allowed to openly reach orgasm before, during or after a sexual intercourse session only as well.

My wife has been encouraged to read these books, but after a few years has not opted to. I have filled her ears with the contents and this has not moved her either.
Now J, if I may ask, are Evangilical males allowed to ejaculate freely outside the vagina during any love session ? And are females allowed to orgasm freely during any love session? Thanks.

I’ve heard good things about the Theology of the Body classes in the Catholic faith, which talk more openly about sex in marriage. I’m evangelical, so this is secondhand information, but I have Catholic friends who say that it’s good stuff. Do you know anything about it? If it’s worthwhile, maybe your wife would be willing to look into that.

J,
I think it is the way we were raised. Sex was never talked about but always assumed a no-no. It was ignored in conversation but downplayed if the subject ever came up. Inhibition I believe is the result at least for my wife. Our Catholic faith has also had an impact on rigidity but I believe that is loosening up some. For me, pretty much raised the same way but opposite in prowling sexuality and wanting to experient more and more even though I am somewhat an introvert. It’s all good in what do and have sexually, but just looking to “open a few more doors”. Thanks for the release of your inhibitions in writing so explicitly and well. You kept my attention.

Point well taken. Thank you.

You say what’s happening, but I don’t get the feeling that y’all have talked about this. Do you know why she is resistant? Technique and tips don’t seem to be the way to proceed. You need to know why she feels so uncomfortable giving you access.