Comments on: Q&A with J: Avoiding Sex Because the Kids Can Hear https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Fri, 20 May 2016 07:59:57 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.3 By: Beth https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-53020 Fri, 20 May 2016 07:59:57 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-53020 I’m new to this site and catching up. Some great content! We felt a little awkward the first time we were staying with my in-laws for an extended period. But they had always encouraged our PDA when we were dating or married and day visiting so the atmosphere wasn’t one of prudishness. We figured, “ya know, whatever, they’re married too. If they hear something we know they won’t care!” I think other’s comments about having a positive open communication about sex makes a big difference. I remember my 12 year old cousin asking me (15 yo) if I was grossed out when I figured out my parents had sex. I remember laughing and saying, “I’m the oldest of 6! How else does my mom have babies?” I had learned about sex within the context of my parents’ relationship and living in a farming community. She had learned about it from some kid at the playground. I never heard my parents making love but the older I got the more subtle hints (non-explicit) my mom gave about the positives of the marriage bed. I’ve always appreciated my parents’ modest but open approach to sex. I never remembered getting “the talk” just a series of age appropriate conversations.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-39912 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 00:18:09 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-39912 In reply to A.

Agreed. Please purchase marital aids wisely — from reputable providers with appropriate imagery!

]]> By: April https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-37659 Mon, 07 Sep 2015 04:33:22 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-37659 I heard my parents on occasion when I was a teen. It was weird, but I thought it was funny and popped in some headphones. I was just thankful that my parents still loved having sex with each other after 20 + years of marriage. It actually made me feel secure.

]]> By: D https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-36957 Mon, 31 Aug 2015 23:10:51 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-36957 In reply to Dunce Scholar.

Excellent points and advice! Thank you for sharing!!

]]> By: Anonymous in California https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-36753 Sat, 29 Aug 2015 22:08:38 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-36753 In reply to Dunce Scholar.

GREAT APPROACH. I WILL KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN GOD BLESSES ME WITH A HUSBAND AND WE HAVE OUR KIDS.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-36720 Sat, 29 Aug 2015 15:36:23 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-36720 In reply to A..

Let me be clear — I try to make less noise if our kids are home and awake. BUT I also don’t worry about it too much, because if they did hear, we’ve talked enough for them to know this is a blessing God gave married couples and it’s what good marriages include. So yeah, good points you made.

]]> By: A. https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-36690 Sat, 29 Aug 2015 05:07:00 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-36690 In reply to Me2.

Both your comment and the one right above it have made me realize something. Maybe it isn’t so much about the kids hearing, but about how the parents handle sex ed in the home in general.
As a kid I was freaked out when I heard my parents. The thing was they had an awful marriage, and never actually talked to me about sex (literally NEVER, I checked out books at the library myself to figure out what this sex thing was). Even as a young child I picked up that their marriage was rocky. Of course it didn’t help that I found porn in the house, and my dad had multiple affairs. The strange thing was that my mom is European and would act like she was open about sex (not caring too much what I watched on TV) yet would get terribly uncomfortable if the subject came up with me.
All that to say that I freak out at the idea of my kids hearing. But maybe hearing us make love sometime won’t traumatize them nearly as much because we do talk openly with them about all things, and plan on doing the same with sex (they’re still little). hhhmmm… gives me hope, because right now I go to great lengths to ensure they don’t hear.

]]> By: Me2 https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-36636 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 20:37:48 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-36636 I overheard my parents when I was about 8 and I thought my mom was being hurt, I couldn’t understand why even though I was pounding on the door they wouldn’t open it. When I told my mom what I thought she just laughed and said that she wasn’t being hurt. The thing is I only knew what sex was from watching soap operas with my mom and really had no idea what happens. Even as I grew older my mom never had the talk with me and I just started sleeping with headphones on. To make matters worse I found porn on my dad’s computer when I was a teenager. They were very worried that I would not be able to get married because they thought I had an aversion to sex. I can happily report that I have been married to my awesome husbsand for over 10 years and that area of our relationship is flourishing! I’m determined not to let the same thing happen to my children though. We do lock the door and have music going, but I feel that if my kids did hear us, hopefully I can be better equipped to answering questions than my parents were. Our oldest is only 7, so we don’t have any night owls yet, lol! ?

]]> By: John Q https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-36591 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 16:59:08 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-36591 When she was a teenager, my (future) wife walked in on her parents and was mortified. To further confuse the issue, this occurred a short time before her father moved out and her parents eventually divorced.
I’ve tried to explain to her many times that, 1) her parents should have locked the door, 2) you don’t just open a closed bedroom door without first knocking, and 3) just because her parents divorced after “the incident” doesn’t mean we will divorce if the kids hear us (yes, we close and lock the door).

]]> By: laura https://hotholyhumorous.com/2015/08/27/qa-with-j-avoiding-sex-because-the-kids-can-hear/#comment-36585 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 16:09:25 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=7593#comment-36585 In reply to alchemist.

On Saturdays my husband and I told the kid’s we were going to go lay down. It worked for a year, then my oldest got jealous of us just laying together for an hour or two with out them. I had been a single mom for a long time. Once I told him we weren’t just napping the day away and when we say we are going to rest or lay down, we are doing husband and wife things and spending intimate time together to strengthen our marriage he was shocked but pleased. He was relieved we weren’t just wanting to separate ourselves from them, and they thought it would help increase the chance of getting a sister. ?. I even had to clear things with the neighbors. They thought I was pregnant because the kids would go out and play and say I was resting.

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