Daily Archives: August 28, 2015

Q&A with J: “Is My Penis Big Enough?”

I didn’t know how else to title this blog post! That’s right to the heart of what today’s question is about. Frankly, it’s not just one question. Rather, every once in a blue moon I get someone writing me through a comment or email and suggesting that penis size matters way more than I’ve suggested.

It might be a woman who swears she wants nothing to do with a man who isn’t extremely well-endowed or a husband complaining he can’t “fill her up.” Even to the point of a recent email in which a husband was considering a surrogate sexual partner for his wife because his penis wasn’t able to meet her desires.

In whatever form the question is worded, it comes down to this: Is my (or his) penis big enough to satisfy?

Q&A with J: "Is My Penis Big Enough?"

And my answer is: It depends.

Almost every man is big enough. From my research, it appears that the average erect penis is 5.16 inches in length and 4.59 inches in girth (from a study of over 15,000 men — that’s a big study sample).

When it comes to length, the range is perhaps from about 4.7 to 6.3 inches in length, with outliers representing a very small percentage of men. For instance, that 6.3-inch penis falls into the 95th percentile, and an erect penis less than 3.94 inches is in the 5th percentile (that is, 5 out of 100 men). But how much of your that can a wife feel? Because that’s the real issue when it comes to sexual satisfaction with his size.

There aren’t as many studies about the depth of the vagina, but it appears to be about 4.25 to 4.75 when aroused. Meaning the vast majority of penises will more than get the job done — especially when you consider that perhaps 90% of her nerve endings are in the outer third portion of the vagina. It’s not that she won’t feel you deeper inside, but she’ll feel it most at the opening and closer to her clitoris.

But while many guys are perfectly fine in size, they have this feeling that maybe they aren’t quite enough or maybe they’d be more satisfactory to their mate if they were bigger. One study showed that while 88% of men viewed themselves as average or large, 45% of men wanted to be bigger.

Why? I think it’s because of chatter and imagery that bigger is better. All those men exposed to porn have likely seen larger-than-average men and may get a wrong view of what’s normal (regarding sex, too, but that’s a subject for another day). It’s something men talk about, worry about, wonder about. Moreover, even if you’re average, don’t you want to be above average? In every way to your mate?

Relax. Unless you’re under 3 inches erect, the length of your penis should be able to satisfy your wife. If you are among the extremely small percentage of men who are less than that, talk to your mate and see what she thinks, and/or talk to your doctor.

And what about girth? Doesn’t that matter more? Women say it does (in one study, 33% of women). However, women are far more satisfied with their partner’s penis that the men themselves. Only 6% of women reported in one study reported that their partner had a small penis, and 85% of women total were quite happy with the length and girth of their men.

What about those 15% who weren’t? The study didn’t ask why are you dissatisfied. I have a feeling some of that is not the tool itself, but how the equipment is used. Or maybe the issue is on the woman’s side . . .

Vaginas stretch . . . and contract. The other part of the equation is how big is she? Some contend that the wife’s vagina has stretched, and she now desires a fuller penis size to satisfy her. Here’s the thing: It does stretch in childbirth and with sexual activity, but not all that much. Our vaginas are very adaptable, ladies. It’s like Elastigirl down there. it stretches a lot, but springs back. Pretty cool handiwork from God, if you ask me.

Still, you might be a little looser than you once were or bigger by design. So maybe you would like a little more girth? Actually, it will fabulously easier for you to tighten up your vagina muscles than for him to add an inch around his penis. Sheila Gregoire has written about what you can do When You’re Too Loose.

Essentially, it’s all about exercise. Of course, Kegels. But squats are also good. And just about any exercise can help, because you’re strengthening your muscles and becoming more toned throughout. Giving your sweet little vagina a work-out might be the best thing you can do to make sure you can feel all of your husband’s fullness.

Sexual satisfaction is more about performance and intimacy than size. Most of the people who write me arguing that penis size matters so very much have something in common: They come across as being all about the physical aspect of sex. Honestly, after one cutting email from a husband about this subject, I sorta wanted to respond, “It’s a poor musician who blames his instrument.” Most wives are not about the size of his penis, but what he does with it!

While sex is supposed to feel good, if it’s all about reaching some physical high, then you’re missing out on what God designed sex to be in marriage. Attend to the intimate part of the experience, making sure you spend time kissing, touching, arousing one another, and enjoying each other — whatever size your body or body parts are. Your husband’s penis is one part of his body, and there are plenty of other places to arouse and enjoy. It’s a total-body experience, so enjoy the whole enchilada, amigo!

And learn to use what you’ve got. Certain positions and angles can maximize the sensations for both of you — try different things. If he’s smaller-than-average, I’d bet oral sex is an easier activity for you two, so delight in that benefit. Use your hands, your mouth, your body, and your genitals to make this a fabulous experience.

And wives, make your husband feel good about his manhood. This is as sensitive a subject to many men as breast size (or waist size) to many women. Let him know he’s enough and help him learn how to pleasure you and make sex a physically, emotionally, and spiritually satisfying experience.

Is your/his penis big enough? It’s likely big enough to do everything it needs to do, because the focus is a loving sexual experience. Which doesn’t require a big penis — rather, a big heart.

Sources: Men’s Journal – Once and For All Defining the Average Penis Size; Women’s Health – Is Your Guy’s Penis Above or Below the Average Girth Size?; How Stuff Works: Vagina (Discovery Health); The Marriage Bed – The Male Genitals; Web MD – Does Vagina Size Matter?; Science Mag – How Big Is the Average Penis?; The Journal of Sexual Medicine – Penile size and penile enlargement surgery: a review; Psychology of Men & Masculinity: Does Size Matter? Men’s and Women’s Views on Penis Size Across the Lifespan; CNN – Is Your Penis Size ‘Normal’?; NHS/UK – Penis Size; Medical News Today – What Is the Average Penis Size?