Sometimes I get through to my hubby better when I use an analogy. Not sure if it will work for you, but…something like “You know how I think watching golf is a waste of time, but you love it? I don’t get it, but I know you like it so I want you to be able to watch and enjoy. Likewise, I’m not asking you to understand why getting flowers feels nice to me, but I’d love to get them sometimes to enjoy.” Just a thought…

Unfortunately, my hubby thinks flowers are a waste of money and he doesn’t see why all the fuss, but I’ll keep trying to help him understand. 😉

First, where I stand on flowers. As a child, I would pick wildflowers for my mother (the Lord took Mother this spring, after nearly 97 years!). Then testosterone kicked in at about age 13, and I became obsessed with things practical. “Flowers? Who needs ’em?” That was me. One day Sam’s Club opened a store near here, and their floral department was right at the beginning of the grocery section, and they had long-stemmed roses for about $12 for 15. My Dot went into raptures over a bunch of yellow & orange ones, so we bought them. Again and again she’d remark about how beautiful they were. Well, I’d learned already that to make her happy I needed to get her things that she liked. So, yeah, I’ve been buying her roses by the dozen for several years. And she melts all over the floor every time.

Husbands, if you’re reading this, here’s the thing: the quicker you learn something about a woman’s appreciation for beauty the happier you’ll be; the happier she’ll be; and the happier your marriage will be.

And to wives, I add, PLEASE don’t do the thing about “If he can’t figure out what I want, I’m not going to explain.” You’re only extending the agony for both of you. Get his a copy of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. If he won’t read it, read it to him. And when he buys you flowers, thank him, kiss him and do something dramatic enough that he “gets it.”

Consider, too, men, that the last thing God made in Eden was a woman. Eve was the crown of God’s creation. There is nothing more beautiful than your wife, naked or clothed. The Song of Solomon is filled with examples of how to help her appreciate her body; and as you practice these examples, she will respond to you like a rosebud opening. Let me give you a practical example, not taken from the S of S, but based on it. She’s wearing a new pair of jeans, and she asks, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” She’s not asking for your studied judgment–she wants affirmation of the beauty of her body, particularly a part of her anatomy that we don’t discuss in public: her backside. The only acceptable answer to that question, is, “NO.” Then follow that with a delicious comment about how lovely her rear end is, and use whatever term for it that she likes best to hear you use. A pat on the bottom might be in order, if you’re alone with her.

Here’s C. S. Lewis’ take on feminine beauty: “The beauty of the female is the root of joy to the female as well as to the male . . . To desire the desiring of her own beauty is the vanity of Lilith; but to desire the enjoying of her own beauty is the obedience of Eve, and to both [Lilith and Eve] it is in the lover that the beloved tastes her own delightfulness” (C. S. Lewis, That Hideous Strength p. 63).

Wow! That . . . from a man who spent most of his life as a bachelor.
Eric

I would love hubby to get me flowers. When I was a girl, I couldn’t wait to have a man in my life who gave me flowers. I would hold back tears during high school when other girls received bouquets for their birthday, Valentine’s day, or for some achievement and I was empty handed. Once, a male friend bought me a red carnation and I was thrilled! It wasn’t a romantic gesture because we were just friends, but that he thought of me meant so much.

I chose to marry hubby even though he made it perfectly clear that romantic gestures, Valentine’s day, and flowers were not going to be part of our future together.

He buys me other things. It isn’t like he is a miser and doesn’t care. But he buys what he wants me to have and enjoy and not what I want.

Really, though, it isn’t so much about the flowers as it is about him thinking selflessly about me and doing something exclusively for me.

For example, my heart soars those rare times he texts me that he loves me. That means that I am valued enough to have his “work box” shut for a moment and his “wife box” opened just to make sure I am ok.