Does it hurt when she dismisses my compliments? Yes, but I try not to take it personally. As much as she says she believes me, she still allows what she “sees” to influence her. I explain to her that, like a fellow from an earlier post said, beauty is so much more than just her looks. It is the whole package. Unfortunately, growing up she was always shamed by her mother as to her weight. She says that she is over that, but I can see that she is not. It hurts me deeply to see her look at herself in the mirror and sigh and frown.

Thanks for keeping this thread going!

AMEN! Wow, you absolutely nailed it with this comment. As a man, I view my wife’s 47 year old, 2 children surviving, lovely body, as being my ideal of perfection! I am hopelessly unable to not drink her in if I see her preparing to take a shower, or get dressed for work, or a dinner date, etc… When we started dating, and then married 25 years ago, my wife’s body would have rivaled a super models too thin frame, and the world would love for her to think I long for that, but its patently false!!!!
I was an immature, selfish, prideful dolt when I somehow convinced this gorgeous lady to marry me. It took far too long for me to learn, through resources such as HH&H, what intimacy, and marriage could, and should look like.

There is nothing in this world that I am aware of, that could ever convince my wife, and I suspect any wife really, that I wouldn’t trade her body now, for that 20 year old body, for anything!! It’s the very things she thinks are imperfections that make her irresistible to me! She’s my gift from God, and she is beautifully and wonderfully made! BUT,

She judges herself by People magazine, and Cosmo, and Glamour etc… And, most importantly, she sees herself through the eyes of women! There is no possibility of ever measuring up when the standard you compare yourself to is unrealistic.

If wives, and women in general understood how profoundly accurate the comments that Charlie O made above truly are, there would be a seismic shift in the area of body image, and probably a population explosion!?

Ladies, if he says it, odds are he’s tried to prove it. But your insecurities caused you to assume he couldn’t possibly be telling you the truth. “He must want something if he’s telling me that!”
Yeah, he does. He wants YOU!!!! After being basically called a liar who will say anything to get sex, we finally quit driving ourselves crazy by gazing longingly at what we so deeply adore, but can’t have without being made to feel kind of wormy for wanting it.

It’s pretty simple in the end… Continue believing that we, all husbands, are lying con artists who just want one thing, or that we actually mean it when we say you are truly the only woman in the world that we want to experience true, God blessed lovemaking with.
Your standard is what the world has created. Our standard is what God created specifically for us, and that creation is our wife. And she’s one of a kind…

I don’t believe that comment was directed at you, libl — rather an encouragement for women to simply take reasonable care. That said, it is NOT our fault if a man chooses to lust.

Listen, I can only speak for myself, and the men that I would call my friends, but I can tell you unequivocally that there’s not a man among us that would tolerate being asked about our sex lives with our wives. Furthermore, any remarks made about her physical appearance, good or bad, would be countered with an uppercut.
Now that may not sound like a Christian response, but I’d argue that point if necessary. My wife, and my Mom, most definitely are women of honor, and you better believe I’d die defending it.
There is no accounting for someone being classless, but to let a bunch of Neanderthals effect your spouse’s self image, and the level of trust and intimacy that God intended for both of you to have, is beyond comprehension to me.

There are always two sides to every story, and I just can’t help but suspect that there are more, and deeper issues, than what has been shared.
I pray that Christ will illuminate the dark places where I fear those issues remain hidden.

Seriously? Your answer is dress modestly? It was winter. I was in a winter coat And knee high insulated rubber boots when this went down!!

How I dress is NOT the issue. Modesty has become a red herring.

Interesting. I’ve told my husband a zillion times that I don’t care if he notices a pretty woman, but it would be nice if he’d notice me – even once! He claims he notices me all the time. I dunno. I don’t ever see it. Never.

So I find this interesting, what your husband said to you. I should believe my husband more often, but I’m so sure he’s just telling me what he thinks I want to hear, or what he “should” say. Maybe my husband really does notice me once in a while. It would be so comforting if that were true!

Oh I agree with libl. This absolutely happens. A lot. My husband shields me from most of it, and being one of the bosses he has laid down the law about his own wife, and most of his crew respects that (they value their jobs!)

My husband is also in a labor industry, but he is in a higher position. He deals with both white and blue collar men on a daily basis. Often the white collar guys are worse. I don’t know why. A sense of entitlement, maybe?

This is by no means to say it’s all guys, but yeah, it happens – and way more than you’d think.