Comments on: 4 Must-Haves for Great Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

By: J

Fri, 09 Oct 2015 03:00:44 +0000

In reply to Brittany. Wow, thank you so much! Many blessings to you and your marriage.

By: Brittany

Brittany — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 01:21:32 +0000

I just want to say thank you! You have such a good way of explaining things so that everyone can understand and apply it to their lives. My husband and I have always had a roller coaster of intimacy in our marriage of almost 8 years. Your blog has helped us over the last year. Please keep doing what you do, truly inspiring!

By: a. nony

a. nony — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 21:17:13 +0000

“If one of you is struggling, both of you are struggling.” This is the TRUTH, J! And not just with sex! It’s so easy to feel like I’m burdening my soon-to-be husband (25 days!) with my insecurities and fears and struggles, and he’s often said he feels the same way, but we are fixin’ to be one flesh, and so we push ahead and encourage each other toward transparency.

By: J

Mon, 05 Oct 2015 02:38:17 +0000

In reply to Mic. Thanks for sharing your story! So thrilled you two worked things out and found intimacy again.

By: Keelie Reason

Keelie Reason — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 01:53:58 +0000

I like what you have to say about communication. It is so true that it is an important aspect of all parts of marriage.

By: Eric Wiggin

Eric Wiggin — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 00:53:19 +0000

Thanks, J, for another great post!

Re confession and forgiveness–this is so, so necessary, especially if there’s been sexual sin. Sometimes, though not always, a godly outside counselor needs to be involved. A lot of guys look at porn, or “only” pictures of naked women on the Internet–and many secular counselors don’t consider these the same, but they are.

First, the husband needs to repent, then confess, to his wife as well as to the Lord, whether or not he’s been caught at it. With confession, he needs to repent. If this doesn’t work, then there needs to be counseling (see Matt. 18:15-17).

I hesitate to label porn use as “adultery,” since I’m not sure Jesus, in Matt. 5:27-32, had pictures in mind, but rather the coveting of a woman not one’s wife (the words “covet” and “lust” are the same in Greek). Jesus identifies this as a lust of the eye, rather than a lust of the flesh (v. 29; see 1 John 2:16), and it’s an issue that quickly morphs into idol worship, forbidden in the Second Commandment. In essence this is demonic, and I believe that the demonic element is here more powerful than the sexual element.

But to return to my earlier point: Repentance, confession and asking the Lord to deliver you from the oppression of demons who attack you with idolatry via the eye-gate is necessary in the case of porn addiction. Otherwise it will destroy your marriage. God loves marriage, and He will deal with the devil if a husband and wife take it to Him. The battle is not ours, but the Lord’s.

Eric

By: Mic

Mic — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 23:41:45 +0000

I am a new reader, but I have been reading and sharing your articles with my wife. They have been helpful and inspiring. My wife and I have had a sexless marriage for several years. One day I decided to boldly approach the subject with my wife and see if I could convince her to have sex with me again. It took me several months to get the courage up to approach the subject. One night I took the plunge. I came to find out that she wanted to have sex with me, and thought that I did not want her. It was a total miss communication. We could have been having sex for years but we were both too afraid of hurting the other by bringing up the subject. My wife even said she wants to please me in this area. Now we have sex every night. We embrace for two hours at a time. We have a lot of oral sex, because I have ED and have not found the right meds for it yet. (But I am seeing my doctor soon to figure that out.) I feel close to her, I will do anything for her, I want to kiss her all them time, I want to love on her whenever I see her. My hands are all over her, and she does not object. I love it. I encourage your readers to communicate, communicate, communicate. It is well worth the risk.

By: J

Sat, 03 Oct 2015 23:43:16 +0000

In reply to Ham. Wow, thank you! So very much. :)

By: Ham

Ham — Sat, 03 Oct 2015 17:33:17 +0000

You know, J, I am continually impressed when I read your writing, on how thoughtful and discerning you are. Somebody sends in a question or a situation, and you’re able to tease it apart and get to the very essence of it. And then you go to the Biblical toolbox and extract just the right scriptures that speak to that situation! Lady, it’s obvious that you have a direct hotline to The Man in the form of an anointed ministry.

Your husband is a most blessed guy to have a wife such as yourself!

I’ve read that it was a teaching in orthodox Judaism that Shekinah, the Holy Spirit, was present and approving whenever a man and his wife made love. Surely the two of you have that, and a holy host of angels also, surrounding your marriage bed. Peace to you both!