B- I too used to just think of myself as ‘big’, rather than as womanly, and I never seemed to have a ‘youthful figure’. Because of a rapid weight gain when things were going wrong in my family and no one was watching out for me in jr hi, I had stretch marks on my breasts and backs of my legs even on my young body. I was thinner when I married, and trying to get used to being slim and change my body image, when I got pregnant within 3 months and gained 55 pounds of healthy BIG baby. My mother had changed her values and left the things I held dear at a crucial time in my life and so I didn’t learn from her to be a woman and to feel confident that way, but because I know that God has created me to be a woman, I have worked on learning from other women and good books over the years, until somethings are more natural for me now. And too, we have to believe/accept when our husbands find us lovely, even though we can’t see it, we need to embrace it to be more attractive to them.When we are always reluctant to share our bodies with them or are hiding from them, they can’t enjoy as much as if you are enthusiastic. i hope you can come to be more comfortable in your own skin, for your sake, your husband’s sake and your children’s sakes as you are modelling self image.

to B – I also have large bones, though not quite as tall as you, I have heavy bones, so that at my thinnest I weigh more than most people and more than I look. All that being said, I understand your admiration of petite as feminine, but it is not true that all men are more attracted to petite frames. My own husband, though he does not disdain small women…they are friends…he does not find that attractive. Each person has their own tastes and there is much that is lovely about every figure! Look at the Gibson Girl, an admired ideal in history , or the chubby paintings in historical France, styles come and go, and each person has their own ideal. And those of us that are larger, can still work toward femininity, in manner, in dress, etc. Nothing to disdain about your size…use it to learn to be a woman 🙂

Dear M and Sarah,
I apologize! I did not mean to offend you. I am sure you are both beautiful, and I think it’s great that you love your own bodies. I wish I could feel the same way. Maybe someday. I’ve learned to accept what I cannot change, and that’s a start.

I’ve been offended and put down my entire life. I am the tallest woman on both sides of my family, and I’ve been called every name in the book. Amazon woman, jolly green giant, clam digger (because I wear a size 10 shoe), etc. I apologize if projecting my own pain and dissatisfaction came off as offensive.

I am sure there are tall, feminine women, but I’ve never been pretty. Just a big tall “big boned” gal. One of those “big girls” (the term I hate the most).

Again I’m sorry if my comments about myself offended you. They wre not intended as they came off, for all tall women, just for my big clunky self. I envy your confidence and I think it’s great that you love your tall bodies.

I am also 5’9” and a size 10 and I find what you say about tall women is wrong and slightly offensive. I think tall women can be just as feminine and pretty. I love my body and being tall.

Thanks for this!

Maybe it depends a bit on how tall your husband is. Not to mention your sons. 🙂

When I got married I was 99lbs! 99. Therefore I’m quite content to be where I am today. I could never go back to 99 and be healthy.

Anyhow, as a person of color there’s a double whammy with images of beauty that are projected. I never really bought in to it (i.e. I like not having a pancake butt) but the body image struggle is real. Between me having my head right and my husband thinking I’m fine (foine..thats slang), I’m good. But it starts with me first.

I’m not married, but thank you for this Mrs. Jennifer. I have issues with my body as well, but I’m trying harder to accept it.

Whoa – I’m 5′ 9″, too … but I think I’m very feminine! Yes, petite would be nice sometimes, but I’ve learned to “own” my largesse. My body functions well, is strong and I certainly stand out in a crowd. My husband (whom I outweigh) seems proud to have me as his own. He likes the curves and strong muscles. I like feeling safe in my own skin. There are many who are tall and full, but also fully feminine!

Please stop comparing! I read 5’9″ and thought, Wouldn’t that height be awesome?! Because I’m one of those short gals, at about 5’3″, and believe me, plenty of us look at the tall ladies and see the benefits of that. Here’s one right away: If I was taller, it would be much easier to dance with my husband. Our height difference present challenges.

I’ve learned to appreciate the body I have, though. I pray you can do the same.