It seems the few things I used to like about my body are no longer attractive. Severe anemia made me lose much of my hair – never to return. I inherited my mom’s droopy eyelids. My calves are developing icky veins. There’s nothing left I like about my body. Dh loves me and is a sweet man, but he hasn’t said, “you’re pretty” in way over a decade. He’s extremely honest, and I know he can’t say it because he’d feel like he was lying.

I HATE looking in the mirror. I often do a double take when I catch my reflection. Do I really look like that?

My only comfort is that God doesn’t look at the outward appearance. Maybe part of heaven is feeling beautiful.

Hi Agnes,
No worries, you didn’t offend, and I’m not mad at you. These issues are mine, and not your fault at all. I need to stop focusing on the wrong things.

I get frustrated because I seem to have a size I cannot change. Even after rounds of P90, months of running, I STILL hover at 150 lbs and I am 5’9″. I do not pig out, but I do not eat just fruits and veggies either. Even when my body fat % drops, my clothing size drops, I am still stuck right around 150. I don’t have cellulite, and only a tiny bit of “flab” – but if we are the same height, I must be deluding myself. It’s no big deal, I just need to quit whining and try harder!

Perhaps I will try Trim Healthy Mama. I have a friend who did it and she looks great. Of course she’s 4’11” so she has the blessing of being petite on her side. It’s hard to be petite and not look amazing.

So all of that to say, thank you for the kind reply, but you did nothing wrong. My issues (and weight problem) are all mine.

Merry Christmas! And I need to add your blog to my list of daily reading.

I hate numbers. According to my doctor’s chart and weight loss books, I am borderline overweight, and yet I wear a UK size 10 (American size 4)!!!

Healthy isn’t a number on the scale. A friend of mine is a yoga instructor and she isn’t a twig.

Sexy isn’t 36-24-36.

Beautiful isn’t perfection.

I have had men gasp and call me gorgeous. And I have had men wrinkle their nose and call me ugly.

I was unhealthiest at my skinniest. I am healthiest at the upper end of my weight to height scale.

No matter how much I exercise or what I eat I am not going to grow my boobs. I will likely always have a bit of a tummy pooch. Even at 105 lbs, my belly stuck out a little below my belly button. I would need to corset train to get my waist pinched in to where I want it.

But that’s ok. Be the best healthy you can be. THAT is beautiful and sexy.

sounds crazy, I know. let me say it again: I don’t believe in numbers when it comes to beauty, because that is something that can’t be measured. our Father doesn’t see us as a pile of numbers so we also shouldn’t degrade ourselves like this.
yes, I WAS flabby, bloated and totally full of cellulite when I was at 68 kgs, and I definitely didn’t feel healthy at all. that’s why I thought that weight was too much for me.
but you do feel healthy, so I just KNOW you can’t be as flabby and bloated etc., like I was.

fun fact: my best friend is just as tall as me, and now she weighs the exact same, and, guess what, she looks a LOT skinnier than me, and we are totally puzzled why 😀

so don’t be mad at yourself, nor at me, and please, don’t measure your beauty with numbers – even if I did it in front of you, which I regret.
Blessings 🙂

But, @Jolene, on a positive note I LOVED your post! I totally understand where you are coming from. There are times I’ll leave the house feeling pretty good, and then I’ll catch a glimpse of myself in a store window or something and I just want to curl up in a heap and cry. I think I could deal with my imperfections better if the rest of the women in the world weren’t so perfect! It just seems so unfair. But…

That’s when I realize my problem is I’m focused on the wrong things. I’ve always been ugly, and my family made sure I knew it by reminding me daily as a child and a teenager. Not to mention the more cruel girls in HS. I was an actress, a cheerleader, and I had a lot of friends, but boy did some girls love to put me down. Don’t let your daughters do that or suffer through that. It sticks! My poor husband tries to combat the negativity, but I think he’s trying to believe in beauty that’s not there. He’s trying to make me beautiful through wishful thinking.

Anyhow… I especially liked point #1, Define Who you Worship. I really need to focus on that, study on that, and put more time and energy into that. I need to do a lot of heart work. It’s uncomfortable, but it needs to be done.

I also need to change what I can (the continued battle to lose more and more weight, while still retaining the proper amount of womanly curves – no easy task). And give myself grace – a great idea, but a concept I really struggle with. And, accept the compliment? That’s a tough one. Most compliments are kind attempts to make me feel better. I am very strange in the fact that I do not like compliments. It is far easier to brush them off than to fool myself into believing them. I also do not believe my husband for a second when he calls me beautiful. He’s smarter than that. He knows I am not beautiful or even average, and I think when men say they are hurt when we don’t accept their compliments, they are really just upset that we are not falling for it. I’m not sure how I feel.

But I like posts that make me think, and maybe I was meant to read all these posts this year. It’s forcing me to think about things I’d rather not think about.

Merry Christmas!!!!