All of those examples are sexual addiction. Not to say that doing them every know and then is an addiction but when the behavior consumes your life much like alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc can consume a persons life it becomes an addiction. My husband is dealing with this right now. He came back from his first meeting at SA and said he didn’t realize before but he lusted after me. He though it was strange that lusting after his own wife could be a sign of addiction but it is. It’s taking the wife and seeing her as someone who can gratify him, someone who at that moment is no longer someone he loves but someone who serves the purpose of sexual satisfaction. Many of the issues we were having in our marriage stemmed from his addiction. He would rage about the smallest things, everything was my fault, he was secretive about his phone and computer, he had affairs, he didn’t want to talk to me about anything, he no longer had interest in the children’s activities, the list goes on. I knew for most of our marriage that he used porn but I didn’t realize the devastating effects it could have or the extent of his use. It was much worse that I thought. I’ve only discovered all that over the last year and a half since I found out about the affairs and found myself to websites like this one. Even during marriage counseling when I thought things were getting better he was still having affairs. Now he is getting help for his addiction. I knew he needed help long ago but like other addictions the addict has to come to that realization. Once he did I didn’t even have to suggest meetings or therapy, he did it on his own. Honestly, the only reason I stayed after learning he was have affairs while we were seeing a marriage counselor was because he took the steps toward recovery without my prompting.

Sounds to me like this woman’s husband may still be in denial since he stopped attending meetings. Maybe he’s getting to the point that he thinks he’s got it all under control. Just last night my husband said he finds he has to be careful that he doesn’t get to cocky and think he can handle it on his own, he knows that is when he would get weak.

Like the writer I am getting help for myself. I start seeing my own counsellor later this week and a psychologist next week. I’m dealing with severe depression and PTSD from everything I hav been through over the last year and a half. While the addict needs help so does the spouse.

One last thought. I would advise anyone dealing with sexual addiction to be careful what kind of support group you go to as they do define sexual addition differently. Some groups allow you to set the definition of what your addition is, others define it as sex or sexual acts with anyone other than your spouse (that includes masturbation). I think setting your own addiction is a slippery slope opening up a wider and wider range of activities that are acceptable until you are back where you started.

Dear reader, Bonny’s book recommendation is a great resource. I will be in prayer for your husband and you.

God bless,
Stu

The term sexual addiction always confuses me, because depending on where you read, Christian source or not, they loop so many things into “sexual addiction” that may not be sexual addiction…ex. lust, masturbation, pornography etc.