Daily Archives: January 7, 2016

Star Wars and Fighting for Your Marriage

If you have not seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens and want to be completely surprised by all parts of the plot, DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT read any further. Save this post and read it after you’ve seen the film. Because I am going to mention something from the movie — which is not integral, but I hate when people give away spoilers without warning.

So…SPOILER ALERT. You have been warned. This post will mention something specific from the newest Star Wars installment.

Star Wars and Fighting for Your Marriage

In the first trilogy (Episodes IV, V, and VI), there was one stand-out romance — between Princess Leia and Han Solo. Their obvious chemistry, care for one another, and personal character made them a good match. After seeing the originals, I was certain they rode off into the sunset and lived a happily ever after.

Princess Leia & Han Solo from Return of the Jedi

Happily Ever After?

Fast forward 30 years, and along comes Star Wars: The Force Awakens in which Han and Leia appear on the big screen once again. But what has happened in the time since we last saw them? Well . . . (SPOILER ALERT COMING) . . . they are estranged, separated, existing on distant points of the galaxy.

And I was so disappointed.

Look, I understand the reasons the story makers gave for these two not being together, the massive challenges they faced. But why couldn’t the people who fought and defeated the Empire and its Dark Side of the Force fight for their marriage?

When asked what kept my marriage together — despite some super-bad years — one of the factors I cite is our dogged unwillingness to give up. We were simply too stubborn and determined to make our marriage work. And since we didn’t want to live in a bad marriage, we had to figure out how to achieve a good marriage.

Many marriages are facing 2016 with ongoing turmoil and/or a sense of hopelessness. You can’t imagine how you can keep it together.

Yeah, well, I suspect you’ve fought your own Death Stars in your life. Think of all the other situations in your life you’ve gotten through — an illness or injury you recovered from, a dysfunctional family you emotionally survived, job frustrations or losses, deaths in your family, etc. You are not made of mush. You’re a resilient person with some serious perseverance skills.

Isn’t your marriage worth digging deep into your I-can-do-this reserves and fighting for?

Isn't your marriage worth digging deep into your I-can-do-this reserves and fighting for? @HotHolyHumorous Click To Tweet

I’m not saying that every single marriage is worth saving. If you’re in an abusive situation, you need to find your resilience to leave and get help. But most marriages aren’t facing abuse, but rather selfishness, misunderstandings, frustration, and exhaustion.

And you can’t win is exactly what the true dark side — aka Satan — wants you to think.

Hollywood, frankly, thinks this too. That marriage is something that works great when it works, and that you can leave when it isn’t working great.

But those of us who rode it out in the trenches, climbed out into the sunlight, and found redemption for our marriages know better.

You can fight for your marriage.

Your marriage is worth fighting for.

With God’s help, you can win.

I’m still seriously disappointed in the outcome with Princess Leia and Han Solo. I just want to go back to believing that the people who fought so hard to save each other when they were young would fight as hard to save their union when they got older and it got tougher. Surely someone in the galaxy had some Yoda-like wisdom to help them figure it out.

(Hey, maybe I should rename my blog to The Marriage and Sex Jedi.)

Yoda - Do or do not. There is no try.

Face this new year with a true Star Wars attitude. Your marriage and your sexual intimacy are worth fighting for. They can improve. Your marriage can win.

But you don’t need “the Force.” Start instead with God’s power and plan for redemption.

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 1:18-20)