Comments on: Q&A with J: Staying Sexually Pure When You’re Divorced & Dating – Part 1

By: Single? While Sex May be Off Limits, Your Sexuality is God Given | Intimacy in Marriage

Sun, 31 Jan 2016 04:31:14 +0000

[…] Staying Sexually Pure When You're Divorced and Dating (Part 1) […]

By: Q&A with J: Staying Sexually Pure When Your Divorced & Dating – Part 2 | Hot, Holy & Humorous

Mon, 25 Jan 2016 13:00:54 +0000

[…] Monday, I gave a general perspective of the situation, and you can read that post HERE. Today, I want to get into specifics on staying sexually […]

By: J

Sun, 24 Jan 2016 03:20:52 +0000

In reply to A. Thanks so much. And I'm glad you waited and are in a healthy place now. May God bless you richly!

By: A

Sat, 23 Jan 2016 22:09:53 +0000

J – thank you for bringing up this topic! I have loved following your blog for several years, but since my separation and divorce in the last 2, I have not checked back in often for obvious reasons. Now that I am in a healthy place and ready for dating and future relationships as God leads, I have been searching for resources for my new scenario! In many ways, the same principles apply no matter what the context…but I must say, there are some huge gaps and differences thinking about dating “as an adult” versus the high school/college age where parents and social groups are involved by default. Most Christian dating/singles books are geared toward those in a younger life stage and neglect the very real challenges of navigating dating after divorce: social factors, careers and finances, past-relationship baggage, sexual history, children…these topics are almost in a totally different universe for those that have already been married than for those that have not! So thank you, and I look forward to hearing more! And yes, if you are reading this and are dealing with separation and divorce, know that there is hope for your future and that God sustains! Divorce is ugly and it is so strange for me to have that label now, but grace and healing are absolutely possible! DivorceCare and counseling are great resources that I highly recommend…along with the absolutely necessary involvement of the Holy Spirit! Blessings to you.

By: J

Fri, 22 Jan 2016 18:00:06 +0000

In reply to Missy. Beautifully put. And God's grace is sufficient to deal with our mistakes. Many blessings for your marriage!

By: Missy

Missy — Fri, 22 Jan 2016 16:40:57 +0000

I have also walked this road (divorce and dating after more than an decade of marriage). The struggle is so very real. I truly think the only way it is possible is to date someone with the same values and commit to strong accountability, which include not being in tempting situations. We did not make it to our wedding night, which we both regret…especially as we deal with our own high school / college aged daughters about setting their own boundaries.

We were successful when we willingly gave up some of our freedoms to increase our chances of success: no being alone together in a bedroom with closed doors, no lying down together (naps, etc.)., instituted a “curfew” by which we both returned to our respective homes, no traveling together overnight alone, etc. Note, we were both well into our forties, so these felt childish but kept us protected more than otherwise.

Ultimately, the choice becomes one that only the individual can make. Be prepared to flee compromising situations, or to bear the consequences of giving in. There is no safe-sex for the heart except in marriage.

By: J

Thu, 21 Jan 2016 19:34:42 +0000

In reply to Eric V. Thank you!

By: Eric V

Eric V — Thu, 21 Jan 2016 19:23:16 +0000

This was terrific. I especially liked your information on relationships with non-Christians, since this also applies to any unattached Christian seeking a relationship. It was nice to see the issue of trying to honour God while sharing your life with someone who doesn’t hold the same values or may even be hostile toward them and trying to get you to give them up.
Thanks!

By: Justme

Justme — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 21:30:59 +0000

When I was “single for the second time ” I asked the Lord to remove sexual desire temporarily until I had a husband then give it back to me. I also asked the Lord to restore my virginity. He honored both those prayers. Made my singlehood much easier!

By: Keelie Reason

Keelie Reason — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 21:29:09 +0000

Great great advice. What a hard situation to be in.