You need to talk to her, and possibly go to the doctor with her. Also, pick up a book about menopause and maybe read it together so you know what’s normal and what needs to be addressed with your physician or through other means. One of my readers sent me this one, and it appears to be a solidly good resource: https://www.amazon.com/First-Through-Menopause-Catherine-Francis/dp/0745955576

I am so starving for my wife’s intimacy. She just had a hysterectomy about 8 months ago. I don’t know how to deal with it. She just treats our love life like a chore. I’m hoping this hormone therapy will work.

Good points. And I advise women all the time to just say what they want and mean to their husbands, because most men do not read social/emotional signals as well as we ladies do.

Hey, B, just a couple thoughts.

He’s stopped being obvious about noticing other women. My dear B, that’s HUGE. To me, it PROVES he loves you with God’s agape love. He cares about how you feel and loves you enough to make an effort to not notice other women. I’ve shared before that I don’t believe his “noticing” means as much to him as it does to you; we men often simply see and notice what’s in front of us. Just curious; have all the women he’s noticed looked alike? I can’t believe they do, so I highly doubt that the fact that he sees other women means you’re not attractive. I’m sure he is maddened by your steadfast refusal to believe his compliments. I know its a total turnoff and mood killer for me when I compliment my wife and she doesn’t believe me. At such a time, I will just abandon any lovemaking efforts I may have been trying.

Your comment about his “mixed signals” made me chuckle (in a nice way). We men can never figure you ladies out with all your subtle and mixed signals. I shared before about how one night my wife was crying because I didn’t initiate sex and then after four straight nights of love making she complained that I only wanted her body. Do flannel pjs mean “no sex tonight” or do they mean, “I love the softness of flannel, it turns me on”? Does putting lotion on your legs mean “I want you to touch my legs” or does it mean “It’s winter and my legs are dry”? I can’t count the many times I have misread my wife’s signals.

You mentioned earlier that your husband wants to improve communication for 2016. I have a suggestion. Tell your husband that you want clear direct communication, too, and that you’re having a hard time reading his signals. Then suggest this; anytime either one of you wants to make love, you simply say to the other, “I would like to make love.” No confusion, no mixed signals. Just clear direct communication. Maybe you can even say it several hours before the event, just to let the idea simmer a while. Now, you may get (or give) a “not tonight” which will hurt like crazy, but at least you’ll not be wondering about what he’s really thinking. I know it’s not romantic or subtle, but it might increase love-making and help clear up some confusion. Just a thought.

Still praying for you two.

libl

The others are right. We men may get triggered by images we’ve seen, but that doesn’t mean we’re thinking about those other images/women when we make love to our wives. In 25+ years of marriage, I’ve seen plenty of images of sexy women (and I’m not into porn). Many times, those images have triggered hormones in me to make me want to pursue my wife. But, I can honestly say I have never once thought of wanting to have sex with anyone in any of those images, nor have I ever been thinking about any of those images while making love to my wife.

I shared recently about how it happened the other way around, when my wife jumped me after we watched a provocative scene in a movie together. Because I know the feeling of arousal in such a situation, I fully enjoyed her attack. It never occurred to me that she might have been thinking about anything or anyone but me.

Like most women, I do feel concerned about my appearance, size, etc. and I often ask him about those beautiful actresses. He tells me I am beautiful – I’m not, but I know I am to him. He’s never going to have Scarlett Johansson climbing into bed with him, but I’m there every night. Also, he knows I am crazy about him, and as I always tell him, he might have found another woman who would have loved him just as much, but he’ll never find one who could love him more. He’s lucky (blessed) to have me; I’m lucky (blessed) to have him.