I do like this line in the article: “Because the truth is, the more frankly and fully teachers, parents and doctors talk to young people about sexuality, the more likely kids are both to delay sexual activity and to behave responsibly and ethically when they do engage in it.” Of course, I believe in teaching different values from what this author ultimately suggests, but secular sources are also seeing the grave problems we have in society today with cavalier treatment of porn, sexuality, and relationships.

Nothing visceral about any of this to me, Ed. Not to say yours is invalid. My reaction is one of resignation as the situation with young men came out about how I thought it would ten years back. I didn’t see women getting hooked on crotch-novels and I never in a million years figured the BDSM and borderline rape-scenes in Shades of Gray would come to pass with such popularity with women, this in a feminist society doing everything they can to promote the notion the United States is a rape culture to rival ISIS. Mixed and interesting messages. Even NYT is pushing porn as a sexual-education device. J can post the link I offered earlier today for your perusal should she choose. I think that article deserves a thoughtful read by serious and critical thinkers. I don’t happen to think porn sites offering a veritable buffet of every sex act there is should be advocated as sex education to young children and their dopey parents by a “major” national New York Times. Seriously, who do they think they are? Ah yes, the moral compass of the young. Silly me. Ed, I kid because I care. Visceral reactions to hideous sexual behavior is good. Now whatddya gonna do about it?

Meanwhile, this stuff isn’t why J set up her site, it’s supposed to be about the hot, holy and humorous. So! How was everyone’s Saturday night? Hot, Holy and Humorous, I hope!

“I certainly meant no offense to men generally. I deeply believe in the value of men in our society, in our church, and in our marriages.”

J, J, J, not to send sunshine up your hoopskirts (Ha!), no worries. I am a man who has sat briefly through sermons by MALE pastors raising Hell with men for being lousy fathers and husbands on Father’s Day even as they sat there in church with their children and wives. I can state you’re in the clear. You’re pro-man, pro-woman, marriage and we men have certainly had our say and forum here (in my limited time here). NO apologies necessary, for what my humble opinion is worth. You’re a grand dame.

An interesting article and the permission and advocacy and encouragement to young men and girls is a NYT piece on, of all day all days, Sunday: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/20/opinion/sunday/when-did-porn-become-sex-ed.html?rref=collection%2Ftimestopic%2FPornography&action=click&contentCollection=timestopics&region=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=collection&_r=0

“When Did Porn Become Sex Ed? Grist for a Blog Post, J. They’re so cavalier about the ruination of their own young. OUR young, one hopes, are having none of it. The span of the secular world are just doomed with the advocacy of this stuff.

Ah well, I had my say. See whatcha think, J. Here to share, always!

AnonThisTime,

You wrote, “it seems like the visual thing for guys isn’t so much a struggle as an indulgence”

Oh, trust me, it’s a struggle. My wife and I are walking through the mall. We walk past Victoria’s Secret. On the walls are 2x life size posters of women in their underwear (which looks nothing like my wife’s underwear). I’m tempted to look, not to lust, nor to desire the women on the poster, nor because I prefer those models to my wife; just because they’re attractive. If any one of them stood before me in their underwear and offered to let me have my way with them, I’d very easily say, “No, thank you. I’m happily married.” And, I would mean it.

That said, they remain attractive, and my eyes are drawn to attractive things. After buying a new car, I still enjoy looking at other cool cars, not because I want one or am dissatisfied with the one I bought, but because it looks nice. But, I know that if my wife senses me looking, she’ll think as you do, that she’s repulsive and that I prefer a V.S. model to her, which is so far from the truth it pains me to have to say it.

I once read that men considering it cheating when they sleep with another woman, whereas women considering it cheating when a man so much as looks at another woman. I wish that wasn’t the case because I can honestly say I do not think about having sex with attractive women I happened to see. But, I accept that is the way you ladies feel when we men see other women. So, I then do all I can to deliberately *not* look.

Yes it is a struggle. A big-time struggle.

Check out

https://www.barna.org/blog/culture-media/david-kinnaman/the-porn-phenomenon#.Vu7oCWErI8o

http://www.provenmen.org/press-releases/2014-pornography-survey-of-christian-men-shocking-new-national-survey-reveals-high-levels-of-pornography-use-and-rampant-extramarital-affairs-among-christian-men/

http://www.purelifeministries.org/filerequest/2150

http://cnsnews.com/news/article/penny-starr/pornography-use-among-self-identified-christians-largely-mirrors-national

Again, however, I emphasize that I don’t let myself get overly distraught about statistics about what this or that percentage of people are doing. When it comes to my sexuality, I’m concerned with two people, myself and my wife and we are not bound by statistics and surveys.

Actually, there are some Christian bloggers writing about women and pornography, such as this one from Unveiled Wife. And how about an entire ministry dedicated to providing women “help, hope and healing from pornography and sexual addiction”? That’s Dirty Girls Ministries. I agree that the Christian community has been slow on many issues involving sexuality, but I’m confident that’s changing. Thanks, Ed!

Thanks, Edwin. I’m glad that you are in a different situation now. Praying that the temptation wanes for you. Blessings!

Interesting about the baseball memory. Research has shown that our memories are not always as perfect as we believe. We can mesh together various aspects (as it seems you did), but we can also be influenced by others suggesting things that weren’t there originally. For instance, in one study when people viewed a video of a car accident, then were asked leading questions later about what they’d seen, many reported seeing things that weren’t in the video at all. We’d like to think our minds are steel traps, right? Well, they’re not perfect, although still pretty amazing. After all, I can still recall lyrics from songs in the 1980s. And I remember exactly how I felt when I stood at the altar and said I do to my fabulous husband.