Thoughts can’t be rid of but can be replaced. I struggle with intrusive bad thoughts and I learnt from a sermon by Jimmy Evans that you need to replace thoughts. So when my mind wanders during sex I quickly rush to a passage of Scripture that I have been reading through for biblical meditation. Don’t pick a long one, even a short one that you can easily repeat to renew your mind will do just fine

Hello! Your comment struck a chord with me because i am quite newly married myself (3 years). I remember at the beginning of our marriage, I too would be scared to look my husband in the eyes during sex because of all the passion and excitement and overwhelming love that I saw there. But I wanted to wish you courage because as we grew in marriage and learned more and more about lovemaking, that fear went away. I think in my case it was due to the fact that I am not a naturally confident person, and I often felt shy during sex. And then I would look at my husband and see his pure pleasure and it made me feel inadequate to fulfill that. But as I grew in confidence and learned to keep looking and enjoying what was going on, the fear left me. So no, don’t feel wierd! Just talk about it if you need and don’t be scared to keep looking! You are his joy and pleasure and that is why he is viewing you with excitement and passion.

Samantha wrote,
Is it weird to thank God for the sex, pleasure, and unity with your husband…during sex?

This has been answered by J and others, but there’s a spiritual principle here in the Bible that’s often overlooked. To quote Paul in Ephesians 5:30-32 . . . “We are members of his body. For this reason a man will . . . be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.” In other words, the physical act of sexual intercourse is meant by our Creator to model the spiritual union/communion between Jesus and His people on earth. Note also that these words were quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19:4, where He quotes Moses from Genesis 2:24, a passage that harks back to the dawn of creation, before Adam & Eve and everyone since mucked things up by sin.

Too often we (because of bad teaching or sin before marriage, or both) believe that since sex is physical, and often used for selfish purposes, that it’s therefore “carnal.” This false notion comes from the Greek gnosticism of Plato, and it was introduced into Christianity by Augustine, c. 400 AD, and it’s still taught by many as if it’s found in the Bible.

Consider that Jesus wants us to be spiritually naked before Him. That is, He wishes to delve into the very innermost reaches of our souls and cleanse them from sin so that we can enjoy full communion with Him–“That I may know him,” Paul writes in Philippians 3:10; and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death.”

And thus it should be when in bed with our spouses: totally naked, dying to self in an act in which we freely give to our husband or wife, and in the process get intense pleasure (orgasm) from this act of giving. And may I say we need to THINK about the pleasure we are giving and receiving, too!

And to husbands, keep in mind that though you represent Jesus in this ideal picture, and the wife represents the church, we are human, and called to give her everything, as well. So the physical act of two humans represents the divine interaction between God and redeemed humans. Enjoy it as an act of worship, therefore. Pull out the stops and hold nothing back.

Thank you so much for speaking up. I believe this is often the case with men drawn by the pull of porn — they don’t understand the damage they’re doing and they’d enjoy far more being intimate with their wives. Thank God you’ve had victory. May He continue to bless your marriage!

That’s a beautiful idea — I’d never thought of that!

One of my favorite Lewis quotes, and my favorite Lewis book!!