Emerson Eggerich, in his book, Love & Respect, had a great way to decide who should initiate good behavior and good will: The person who is the most mature. If you’re the most mature person in the relationship, then it’s YOUR place to take the lead in doing what’s right to get where you want/need to be as a couple. If you’re not the most mature person, then admit your problem, grow up, and become that person.

Disclaimer: Lest some Type A and/or self-righteous types think this automatically qualifies them, refer to Philippians 2:5-8.

I can confirm the truth that it’s very difficult being a single man–especially into your late 40s (and some even older). But there are a number of single women my age who have shared that it’s equally hard for them too; especially those who truly desire marital intimacy and having children.

It’s a scientific fact that women can read/accurately interpret body language more than twice as well as men. I suspect that’s the case for your husband; you’re sending him plenty of signals, but for whatever reason, he’s not capable of reading them (note that some men are much better at reading body language than others).

I mention this, because I personally know several guys who can’t read the body language even other guys send (like “Uh, please don’t try to start a conversation with me–I just got into work, and haven’t had a chance to get a hot cup of tea.”)

Bless you, B.

Our shopping trip was a date night. I enjoy shopping with my wife. She doesn’t drag me, and she is far, far from a frivolous shopper or spender. The things we were looking for were for our home. Telling me that NO woman would refuse a body massage is like telling B that all men are horn dogs. Neither is true. My wife has refused body massages, not because she’s malicious, but because she’s exhausted and wants sleep. At those times, I would never dream of ordering her to get ready for sex. These are the reasons I stated that Jim’s response was “ignorant.” I meant that word clinically, not as a pejorative.

LOL!

Good on you

And more so when the comments desires or thoughts in that vunerable state are ridiculed, rejected, rebuffed or minimized and misinterpreted.

My clothes shopping can take 8-12 hours. Depending on how much I need and what all I need. It is exactly because I am not frivolous that it takes that long. I’m not buying anything I don’t look and feel fabulous in. Of course, I wouldn’t subject my poor husband to that, just like he doesn’t drag me along to junk yards to go find parts for his ancient cars.

I think I get the general intent of your comment. But you are a bit… abrasive. Maybe your wife is into that. A lot of women wouldn’t be. I personally have issues with people being all authoritarian towards me. It presses all my passive aggressive buttons. It’s not pretty. My husband is very gentle with me. He’s also very observant. He often knows what I want and need before I do. Then he gently suggest I do what would make me feel better. If he told me like that “go get in the shower and come get a massage woman” I would get angry and resist. Even if it was exactly what I needed.