Thank you for sharing your testimony and your encouragement for Katherine.

I don’t know how this could be called “tepid,” given the title that Porn KILLS Sex Lives. And marriages. And souls. And I certainly reject the “sales gimmick” thing (what money am I making from this?), but I greatly appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your own story and I pray for true healing.

Doug, stay strong in faith. Remember nothing is impossible through faith in the Almighty. You gave a strong testament which can help many struggling with this extremely difficult stronghold. Your wife is a great support and may she be blessed. You are both winners for staying committed to each other. It is so wonderful to see there are men like yourself who are fighting the good fight of faith and overcoming this destructive evil force. All the best and stay strong brother.

I don’t know. I’ve seen statistics both ways, and it depends on what you measure. Like actual affairs? Emotional affairs? Porn use? ???

I suspect it’s fairly even, although maybe we have temptations toward different sins in the sexual/emotional realm.

Do you think that men, as an entire gender group, are sexually and emotionally more unfaithful and impure than compared to women as an entire gender group?

This is just your best guess or perception — not a statistical certainty (which would probably be impossible to establish).

I am deeply sorry for what you went thru. I can not imagine how hurt you were, and how betrayed you felt. In a way, that is a good thing, because I am already overwhelmed with shame, guilt and grief for the way my wife must have felt.

She never once let on how hurt she was, and if I saw a response, it was always anger. I didn’t understand where the anger came from, because it seemed such a trivial matter to me. I was wrong. I wonder if your ex-husband ever knew anything besides anger. I ask that, because I could always take my wifes anger, and her responses, and use that as further justification. I didn’t feel respected, I didn’t feel loved, and I certainly didn’t feel like giving something up that I thought made me feel good, for someone who seemingly spent most of her time making me feel like less than a man. Sex was only one part of our problems, but it was significant in and of itself.

Either one of us had justification to ask for an exit, and while I never asked, I did offer at one time. I think that was a wakeup, and we tried to patch things up for awhile, but ultimately, without having a good path forward we fell into old ways for another 15 years.

My wife loved me, and I loved her, but without real communication, there was little healing going forward, and still a lot of hurt and anger both ways.

I didn’t learn how I was breaking her heart from her. I read it in random forum posts, testimony after testimony, from women who not only vented their anger, but also their pain, their self doubt, and all the other aspects of being made to feel less than you were, by the vile act of an otherwise decent person who they had trusted to never hurt them, but rather to cherish and protect them.

My eyes were opened, and overnight, I was a former porn user.
It took another month before I was able to let Christ in my heart, but it was my own wife who showed me that path. After I confessed to what she had known all along, and asked for her forgiveness, half expecting my marriage to be over for good, all I got was LOVE AND GRACE.

Now I am on a mission of sorts. It isn’t my mission, but Christs, I think. Sometimes it puts me in uncomfortable surroundings, talking about what nobody will address head on. I aplreciate the Blogg J has put out, but I find this arguement to be tepid, and likely ineffective, and almost a sales gimmic. Everything she said in her post is true, but it falls so short of the real truth.
Porn hurts people. It breaks hearts, destroys families, makes slaves of otherwise good men. For all the media buzz about homosexuality being an assault on marriage, it pales in comparrison to the damage that porn does, and yet, nobody is tackling it head on. I hear it slipped into a sermon here and there. It’s a sin, don’t do it. That is like going after a wildfire with a squirtgun.

Your husband was every much the victim of his sin that you were. I don’t excuse a single thing I did, and I freely, but sadly admit to it all. I was not a horrible person but I was a person who behaved horribly. At the same time, as I said, anger and recrimination did not heal my heart. Truth, Love, and Grace did that.

Since my own recovery, I have made friends who are also involved in the war, and one of the startling observations I have made, is that the men who fight this battle and win, are the ones who have their wives in the battle with them, not against them.

I don’t know any of the facts in your case, and I make no assumptions. I would ask a single question tho, and only you know the answer. Many things might influence that. Is it too late to get back into the battle with your husband? It can be won.

I am deeply sorry for what you went thru. I can not imagine how hurt you were, and how betrayed you felt. In a way, that is a good thing, because I am already overwhelmed with shame, guilt and grief for the way my wife must have felt.

She never once let on how hurt she was, and if I saw a response, it was always anger. I didn’t understand where the anger came from, because it seemed such a trivial matter to me. I was wrong. I wonder if your ex-husband ever knew anything besides anger. I ask that, because I could always take my wifes anger, and her responses, and use that as further justification. I didn’t feel respected, I didn’t feel loved, and I certainly didn’t feel like giving something up that I thought made me feel good, for someone who seemingly spent most of her time making me feel like less than a man. Sex was only one part of our problems, but it was significant in and of itself.

Either one of us had justification to ask for an exit, and while I never asked, I did offer at one time. I think that was a wakeup, and we tried to patch things up for awhile, but ultimately, without having a good path forward we fell into old ways for another 15 years.

My wife loved me, and I loved her, but without real communication, there was little healing going forward, and still a lot of hurt and anger both ways.

I didn’t learn how I was breaking her heart from her. I read it in random forum posts, testimony after testimony, from women who not only vented their anger, but also their pain, their self doubt, and all the other aspects of being made to feel less than you were, by the vile act of an otherwise decent person who they had trusted to never hurt them, but rather to cherish and protect them.

My eyes were opened, and overnight, I was a former porn user.
It took another month before I was able to let Christ in my heart, but it was my own wife who showed me that path. After I confessed to what she had known all along, and asked for her forgiveness, half expecting my marriage to be over for good, all I got was LOVE AND GRACE.

Now I am on a mission of sorts. It isn’t my mission, but Christs, I think. Sometimes it puts me in uncomfortable surroundings, talking about what nobody will address head on. I aplreciate the Blogg J has put out, but I find this arguement to be tepid, and likely ineffective, and almost a sales gimmic. Everything she said in her post is true, but it falls so short of the real truth.
Porn hurts people. It breaks hearts, destroys families, makes slaves of otherwise good men. For all the media buzz about homosexuality being an assault on marriage, it pales in comparrison to the damage that porn does, and yet, nobody is tackling it head on. I hear it slipped into a sermon here and there. It’s a sin, don’t do it. That is like going after a wildfire with a squirtgun.

Your husband was every much the victim of his sin that you were. I don’t excuse a single thing I did, and I freely, but sadly admit to it all. I was not a horrible person tho I behaved horribly. At the same time, as I said, anger and recrimination did not heal my heart. Truth, Love, and Grace did that.

Since my own recovery, I have made friends, and one of the startling observations I have made, is that the men who fight this battle and win, are the ones who have their wives in the battle with them, not against them.

I don’t know any of the facts in your case, and I make no assumptions. I would ask a single question tho, and only you know the answer. Many things might influence that. Is it too late to get back into the battle?