By the way, my wedding was a disappointment in some ways. I keep thinking I’ll tell that story on my blog someday. But the point is that if you walk out the door with the right guy, the party doesn’t really matter that much. It’s one day, a few hours vs. the rest of your lives.

The wedding unfortunately has become a sore spot for both parties over time. In the beginning of planning we wanted to do it together. We quickly realized that our dream wedding ideas weren’t the same at all (he wanted a big fancy wedding and I wanted something smaller and simple). We both wanted our way and for each other to back down and compromise. Due to a small budget me and my parents are providing, we’re unable to give my fiancé what he wants. After some arguing, my dad stepped in and told him to back off and to just show up, say what he’s supposed to say, and leave with me at the end, otherwise this isn’t going to happen. Dad said he has no say in the planning because he’s not paying for it and we’re not interested in showing off for his friends. It’s not about the flashy things. It’s about two people becoming one under God. He needs to focus on our lives after the wedding and save up money for our home.

Now I don’t talk about the wedding to my fiancé and I can tell he’s hurt. But I can’t make this wedding happen without my parents’ help so we need to do what needs to be done under their terms and respect their wishes. I’m not going all Romeo and Juliet about this and losing my parents respect and relationship over basically a big party. I feel bad but this is how it is. We tried it one way and it didn’t work, now we’re doing something else.

I understand that it’s typically the “bride’s day” and the groom just shows up. I think it depends on your relationship and how you communicate. For me, I prefer to handle it by taking my parents’ budget and thoughts into consideration, see what his parents and I can contribute, and plan from there. If I need help from him, I’ll ask. But don’t expect me to respond well to someone who wants only their way and gets in the middle, where I don’t want them. I’m not trying to be controlling or make him feel unloved or unwanted and his opinion doesn’t matter. It’s just that there are things we need to work on and the wedding made these things come up. We’re doing premarital counseling and keeping the peace with my parents. Hopefully it’ll turn out alright in the end. The distance makes it harder and I pray for us daily to not stop loving each other.

Sounds like you’re doing a good job with this!

And from my experience, in 20 years you won’t care what the colors were. If I had it to do over again, I’d choose different colors, but it doesn’t really matter in the end. 🙂

As someone says – talk to her; you might be pleasantly surprised.

I would like to see less of a bride’s father “giving her away” as if she is a piece of property. Makes more sense for the bride and groom to process together as two consenting adults who have wisely chosen to enter into marriage and build a life together.

Interesting. I had a very simple wedding in many ways, and if I had it to do over again, I’d do some things even simpler and others bigger. I like the idea of having the community there to affirm their support and celebrate with the marrying couple.

Ps. To my last comment: When I wrote, “None of your business,” I meant that the details were private. But I will add that we both were virgins, and we both enjoyed ourselves immensely that evening, with no shame, embarrassment and very little awkwardness. After a time of “Getting to Know You,” we dressed and went to a restaurant. By dark were were back in bed, and well . . . nuff sed!

I’m replying to both Intimacy Seeker & A.Nony:

First, I agree with both. Great thoughts. Weddings should be simple and low-stress. There is a simple compromise between the catered reception dinner and cake & ice cream only: Sandwiches. In our case, they were furnished by the ladies of the church. Our wedding was scheduled for one o’clock on a Saturday; we had the reception downstairs in the church’s fellowship hall, and shortly after the wedding cake was served, I remember saying to my bride, “Let’s get out of here.” (In case you’re wondering about my memory after 53 years this June 1st, I did ask my bride just this morning, and she affirms this.

We were at the honeymoon cottage shortly after five o’clock, not too badly stressed out, since we hadn’t celebrated with the wedding party the night before (I think this is something that’s developed in recent years). What happened next–well, none of your business!!

My parents were married in May 1938, one year before I was born (May 10, 1939), at my mom’s home. Small wedding–Mother has several times run over the details with me (she went to be with Jesus in April 2015). The guests were my father’s brother and sister and their spouses, both set of my grandparents, the pastor and my great-grandmother. My mom’s sister, 15 at the time, was the maid of honor. No wrangling over guest lists!

What about those big old church weddings some of you have seen in magazine photos (Good Old Days or Reminiscence)? Mother has told me that such weddings were “very unusual”; and before World War II, only “the rich” had them. She grew up in a middle-class home, and nearly everyone she knew married at home, and the preacher came to the house to perform the ceremony. Church weddings were a minority until about 1950, apparently. Most brides did wear white, however, and most (after about 1890) did pose with the groom for a photo, even if the wedding itself was in the home parlor.

Besides the Wedding at Cana (John 2–big party, but at home), the best-known marriage in the Bible is that of Isaac and Rebekah, and it’s summed up tersely in Genesis 24:67: “Isaac brought [Rebekah] into the tent of his (deceased) mother Sarah, and she became his wife, and he loved her.” Unfortunately, one Bible version has inserted the words “and he married Rebekah,” apparently to support the idea of a wedding. But these words are not in the original Hebrew text, and they have no justification whatsoever. It was a simple arrangement, in which Rebekah said “I will go,” v. 58. A verbal covenant and introductions were made, and the couple spent the night fulfilling the second part of the covenant “naked and not ashamed.” It was that simple. Everything else is only tradition; and tradition is entirely optional.

So . . . keep it simple, get some rest, and enjoy the honeymoon!