Thank you!

I think the Christian life is a balance of don’ts and dos. Yes, God names things we should not do, as well as consequences for not listening to His wise commands, but He also promises deeper joy and peace from making the right choices.

And in all the research I’ve seen, it’s really clear that committed, church-going, praying married couples are having the best sex out there. I know that’s not true in some individual cases — and my heart breaks for those situations — but the overall statistics bear that out. Plus, those in difficult situations have hope of improvement if they truly follow God’s design.

Blessings!

While it is heartbreaking and disgusting, I hate to say, it is also understandable (not excusable!). We Christians often define ourselves by what we *don’t* do. We don’t drink, we don’t smoke, we don’t chew, and in our marriages, despite your, and Julie’s and Sheila’s best efforts, we don’t engage in enthusiastic sex or talk about sex. I dare say that most Christian couples don’t read Christian sex blogs or books, and if they do, the books get set aside in a closet and are rarely, if ever, applied.

I’d be willing to bet that most Christian couples do not make love as often as one of the spouses wants to, and do not engage in such activities as oral sex or utilize more than one or two sex positions, all to the frustration of the higher drive spouse. I’m sure there are probably surveys on these things, but I wonder how accurate they might be since… let’s face it… good Christians don’t answer sex surveys.

Even outside the realm of sex, marriages often are defined by behavioral restraint. I’m married, so I drive a minivan instead of a sports car. I don’t golf as much as I’d like; my wife doesn’t buy as many shoes as she’d like.

Sometimes, after living a life of legalistic self-restraint, you just want to let loose and indulge yourself. It may be in making a totally frivolous purchase, or eating the forbidden dessert, or finding a lonely road and getting the car up over 90.

And, when you define yourself by what you don’t do, you only feed and strengthen the temptation to do that very thing. I think that was the essence of many of Paul’s warnings against living according to law.

If I tell myself that porn is bad (which it is) and against God’s law (which it is) then all I have is human will-power to try to avoid what my hormones are telling me is attractive. But, if I define myself by who I am and what I do, then I love my wife and, in loving my wife, I want to give her pleasure and watching porn doesn’t do that.

Oh, I love this passage. Thank you!

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. “

Oh my. That would be absolutely histerical if it wasn’t so sad. I wonder if the irony of signing it Satan @hotmail.com was lost on that person. Cause it sure ain’t Jesus who inspired them to write nasty, vicious, cowardly emails intended to discourage a fellow brother in Christ.

And I had to chuckle at someone saying your blog is equivalent to porn, really?? Crazy! I’ve unfortunately run across a couple newer so called Christian marriage blogs, one in particular, in which this would be a fairly accurate observation. But yours? No!

I’m grateful for your blog and a few other well written marriage blogs which speak the truth about healthy sexuality in marriage without needing to use language which borders on or crosses the line into being erotica. I don’t want to read something so explicit that I feel like I’ve been invited into another couples bedroom.

Keep up the good work.

Greg,
I’ve heard a similar report from another source. I also heard of one Christian leader who travels a lot. When he checks in to a hotel he requests that the TV in his room be removed BEFORE he enters the room.

My wife and I expect to be in Cincinnati in two weeks for the annual convention of the Christian Bookseller’s Association, the International Christian Retail Show. Your report makes my skin crawl! Cincinnati is better known for its churches and Christian heritage than for porn.
Eric

That’s heartbreaking about porn purchases — and absolutely disgusting at the same time. We are called to something higher and better, and I pray we pursue it as individual Christians and the Church as a whole! Thanks for your encouragement, Greg.