Many of us may have had bad experiences or wrong information about sex in marriage, but if you are learning and growing in your intimacy with God it ought teach and grow you in your intimacy with your spouse.
We do need to ask the Holy spirit to reveal Gods mind on this matter, especially for those of us who feel we can’t afford to be needy, or that our body belongs to us to do as we please with.
As prayer and fasting is not always convinient and pleasuring but understanding the purpose and reaping the benefits make it worthy, so is sex in marriage.

For indeed when the purpose of a thing is not known abuse is inevitably.

May the Holy Spirit help us.

I agree with this. I stumbled across this blog, my fiance and I are not religious but we’re still spiritual people. I am in the same boat as you. Wonderful caring man who I’m marrying in August but we are on two totally different levels. And I definitely have to try! I’m glad every time I put that effort forth, because it’s always so worth it and I have to keep that in mind! It’s reassuring to have someone else affirm this as well.

Amen B! I have to say AMEN to everything you have said! I used to struggle with A LOT of the same issues you have mentioned, thank God I have w/His help learned to get through those things! And…well I don’t even know how to express how bad I feel for Rose’s poor husband!

Sometimes it’s awesome
Sometimes it’s ok
Sometimes it’s disappointing
Sometimes it’s down right painful to almost impossible.

The only thing it’s ALWAYS been, is a work in progress.

“Do women like sex?”
In my case, sometimes yes and sometimes no.

My husband and I have had this struggle, though not to this extreme. We would end up only having sex once a month, or less when our babies were small (understandable). He started believing I did not like sex when in fact I have a fairly high sex drive. After some counseling, here are some issues and suggestions we discovered. Just sharing in case someone can relate.

If you don’t read this super long comment, please read this-the longer I’ve gone without sex, the less I want it and the easier it is to suppress any desire for it. Don’t let it get to 35 years or it will be much harder to work on, like it is for the question asker.

1) My biggest struggle was this: Sex ALWAYS took a long time for us. We were virgins when we married, which I am SO THANKFUL for, but we didn’t know what we were doing and I had unrealistic expectations. I wanted to have amazing sex and automatically know how in 30 mins to an hour max. hahaha Anyway, I started to get a small bit of anxiety when my husband initiated sex with me, especially when the babies were small and I only had one hour to myself a day. Anxiety arose because when my husband wanted sex, I thought it was going to take over and hour and be grueling…even though I liked sex. I liked the closeness and the orgasm and pleasing my husband-I just didn’t want it to ALWAYS take so freaking long (long is great at times). SO, I would say I didn’t feel like it. This left my husband feeling rejected and I wasn’t meeting his need for love (he is a high touch receiver).

Our counselor helped me to see there’s an in between (DUH-seems obvious, but to me it was all or nothing). I learned to communicate with my husband things like, “I don’t feel like having intercourse, but I would love to snuggle and make out a little.” This made SUCH a difference. It put the flirting back into our relationship and a lot of times after a little cuddling and kissing, I change my mind and am ready to go.

2) I put too much pressure on sex: I discovered a lot of why I had anxiety when my husband initiated sex was because if it wasn’t amazing, I felt like it was a failure. My husband and I are kind of opposite the typical man and woman. I orgasm fast and multiple times clitoraly (intercourse is another issue…) but my husband takes a while to orgasm. Intercourse was uncomfortable for me for a long time and I didn’t like orgasms during intercourse (I’ll explain later :-)) So, if my husband didn’t orgasm or lost his erection, I felt like a total failure. If I had trouble orgasming, I’d get frustrated. The above suggestion helped with this-it put the fun. flirting, and foreplay back in our sex life. Also, just acknowledging this and hearing my husband tell me he just wanted to be with me whether he orgasmed or not was helpful.

I really think you can figure this out before marriage. It should be covered in premarital counseling, of course. But ultimately, if you marry someone willing to discuss the subject, work on their baggage, and pursuing godly principles across their lives (including the bedroom), you’ve got a good recipe for success. Marriage includes up-and-down seasons, but if two people understand the priority of sexual intimacy and are humble enough to work on it, they’re very likely to fare well.

I feel terrible for wives and husbands whose spouse has, in “Two-face” fashion, shown a lack of mutual love through rejecting what God created–and commands in His Word–to be a key part of marriage.

I’d rather remain single for the rest of my life and deal with its deep loneliness and sense of failure than be stuck in a loveless marriage without sexual intimacy. But I’m thankful for all those who are speaking truth into this issue, and helping dismantle the lies and removing the many hurdles that are destroying so many marriages.

Despite my wife’s drop in hormonal desire, the sex we enjoy now, after 25+ years is *much* better, for both of us, than it was in the early years of our marriage.

I’d just respond perkily with something like, “Fine. Check with me in 7 to 10 years. I bet we’ll still be rockin’ it, and both my husband and I will be happier for it!” And yes, I want to be there myself to give my own take to these women. I’ve got 20+ years of marriage, and I can tell you that the sex is even better now. 🙂

Thanks for your reply, J. I have tried to ask these women about their attitudes in a friendly way, tried to offer some kind of encouragement. Most of the time I am dismissed because I have only been married a little over two years. I’ve been told things like, “Just wait till you’ve been married for 7 or 10 years, you’ll get it then. Your desire will go away then.” Or, “Once he gives you a baby you’ll understand you don’t need it anymore.” (I should add here that we’re unable to have biological children due to health issues and have chosen not to pursue adoption, so no kids here.) Anyway, how can I offer encouragement when the argument used to shut me down is that I’m too new to this marriage thing? I’m not starry-eyed enough to think that we won’t have to work to keep desire alive, or that we won’t have issues in 7-10 years that we don’t have now. I’m not looking at this with rose-colored glasses. But I also believe that with said prayer, work, communication, etc, we can keep that desire alive and well. Heck, maybe in some ways sex will be better in 7-10 years than it is now! 🙂