Love that song.

I think that you shouldn’t put much thought into what your sisters say. I think that they are cruel and probably jealous. They are not men and have no idea what men think. If you husband asks you to sit on his lap than trust him. He knows what he wants. You are rejecting him because of your thoughts and not because of anything he has ever said. Trust God to help your heart to heal beyond the words and lies that you have been told. I am praying for you

When I was almost so skinny as to be unhealthy I was 155lbs and I am 5’9.5″… My husband is the same height as me and weighs a bit less than me (I’ve got more than a little baby weight to shed). He loves it when I sit on his lap and, though he doesn’t pick me up and twirl me around like you see in the movies, he can pick me up and I don’t see any of my short, slim friends with tall, strong husbands picking them up and twirling them about either. Real life just had a lot less of that and a lot more real, different to each couple kinds of affection!

Before I was married, I dated men of different heights, including shorter than me, about my height, and taller. Clearly, some men are perfectly happy to date a taller woman! I believe that men were attracted to my confidence – because confidence IS attractive, and true confidence has nothing to do with being conceited.

B, you seem extraordinarily determined to believe the bad and not the good. In a society where we all have plenty of choices, it is extremely rare for a man to marry a woman he doesn’t find attractive. Most people are not hung up on a single “type”. If your husband tells you he finds you attractive, it is disrespectful not to believe him.

In any case, I hope you’ll give a lot of thought to your problem with confirmation bias, and give some more thought to the sincere, positive messages that are being posted here by people with knowledge and experience.

Good luck.

Thank you, Amy.

Apparently it doesn’t stink to your husband because he has asked you to sit on his lap. He wants it!!

On what planet is 5’9″, 155 pounds a linebacker? That’s our junior high football line. See yourself as you really are! Beautiful.

Libl, thanks for replying. I don’t agree with what you said about the size thing, but everyone can have an opinion. My (petite and beautiful) sisters reminded me daily that no man would ever even look at a woman taller than him, and so I never even considered dating a guy smaller than me.

I am trying to focus more on God and His purpose for me, and it is why I am no longer bitter. Still a little sad, still feel badly for my husband, but I’m not bitter. And I was. So that’s an improvement. And it’s not a question of attractiveness in general, it’s a question of being attractive to MY husband. The question was “are you HIS type?” And sadly, in my marriage, the answer is no.

Libl,

My wife sometimes comments about an actor or TV personality being cute or good looking. It doesn’t bother me because I know she doesn’t prefer them to me. After all, she still sleeps with me.

But, I do playfully remind her that if I ever said anything like that about a female actor, she would be crushed. And, she would, so I never comment on another woman’s looks.

I consider it one of those fairer double standards that I can live with.