I don’t really know much about these books, other than what I could see on the “Look Inside” function of Amazon. Thus, I don’t have an opinion for my readers on them. I have recommended preengaged.com to many readers as a good resource for those dating and engaged.

As for your statement, “You are doing quite well, but do more,” actually I don’t feel like that’s my calling. I’ve certainly talked here and in guest posts about the problems with premarital sex, but single life is not my focus. I believe in the Body of Christ, meaning that even regarding sex I may simply be a pinkie. I can’t be the whole body, so when it comes to specifics (like porn addiction, sexual abuse recovery, or even singles addressing premarital sex), I’d rather point to other body parts; that is, resources where their expertise and focus is that particular issue. I’ll do all I can, but my priority is sex in marriage.

Thanks so much for your comment and encouragement!

Rminns,
Actually, the Bible is the basis of what our Creator says about sex, and the Bible agrees with you that “reproduction is not . . . the primary purpose of sex.” This notion came about when monastics started adding the Greek Gnosticism of Plato to Bible theology. Origen, Augustine, Jerome, Aquinas all taught this, and I’m pretty sure that Aquinas’ version of Gnosticism is still official Roman Catholic doctrine.

But you say that “Origen’s doctrine is rejected by the church.” It’s true that much of what Origen believed is rejected by most churches. But which church did you mean? There are hundreds of denominations and thousands of local churches in America and around the world. Most agree on many things, but many disagree on issues such as marriage and sex. Of course these issues could be resolved if they’d all believe the Bible.
Eric

Like Anonymous, I have grandchildren. My wife just turned 80, and we celebrated it with lovemaking–both naked, and we both had orgasms. Our first sex in two weeks, BTW. The summer we were married, 53 years ago, we made love at least 8 times a week; sometimes 14. Things have changed!

About 20 years ago I realized that our love life was in trouble. Not only were both our bodies slowing down, but DW was starting to lose interest. Then I made a discovery. First, it had taken me many years to fully appreciate that women put emotional relationship/intimacy WAY above physical sex. Yet, there’s the factor of physical beauty that girls and women are so keenly aware of–which explains why women get antsy when their man looks at a pretty girl, but that’s a whole nother story.

A woman’s backside is the part of her body that she’s most conscious of, possibly more than her face. “Do these jeans make me look fat?” is the classic female question, to which the wise husband always answers “NO!” Then I discovered Song of Solomon 7:1, “The joints of thy thighs are like jewels . . .” You bet they are–to her. What’s in view in this convoluted phrase from the King James Bible is the “prince’s daughter’s” bare bottom. A careful study of the Hebrew text will bear that out, I learned recently. But it’s too plain for prudish scholars to write into Scripture–especially since all but a few, until recently, have agreed with Origen and Augustine.

So I started praising her backside in as many ways I could think up–some of them pretty corny, and they’re private, so I won’t share them. Wife’s heart eventually heard that I wasn’t teasing, and I soon discovered that she’d rather hear me praise her beauty than say “I love you”–I do both!

So let the Spirit of God work on your heart re how you talk with your wife about her beauty. Love her–don’t give up. It may take a few months, but if you’re sincere, she’ll get it eventually.
And BTW, that “belly set about by lilies” is probably her pubic mound. So if she’d rather not shave, learn to appreciate it. Poet John Donne, writing 300 years ago, praised this feature of his lover as “that hairy diadem that on you doth grow.” Can’t we husbands take a lesson from Donne?
Eric

Nevertheless, as you keep concentrating on sex in marriage (the main benefactors are the married ones), you shouldn’t forget about teaching and encouraging the unmarried ones too to hold themselves till marriage (I’m sure not all of your readers are married yet). You are doing quite well, but do more.

In regards to approaching Premarital Sex as a Christian, I will recommend these two books (they were written by a young Christian youth- he wrote them in his teenage year)

– Effects of Pre-marital Sex (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LMKHHYO)

– WORDS OF A TEENAGER: WHY I WILL REMAIN A VIRGIN TILL MARRIAGE (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OW9S354)

God bless sis!!!

Thank you, Libl,
Leah, a woman whose story is told in Genesis 29-35 and 49:31, had problems like yours–a husband whose heart was distracted by business, family problems and other women. It took more than 20 years of marriage before her husband, Jacob, got the message, but I think he did at last. Leah seems particularly significant, since there’s probably more about her than any other woman in the Bible (including such great women as Eve and Mary).

Men, as you know, respond first to visual stimuli, and God made them that way. This is why they may crave raw sex, when their wives wish a love relationship that begins with emotional intimacy. It took me years of marriage for this to get through my thick skull, so there’s much hope yet for your hubs.

My wife and I were married in 1963, on the cusp of what was called the “Sexual Revolution.” I’ve seen this morph from the hippie rebellion, that rejected a Victorian attitude that was still alive in America in 1963, to a turnabout in attitudes in which American Christians have re-discovered the Song of Solomon for what God intended it to be. And along the way, I’ve learned much personal truth about how to treat a woman–especially how to treat her sexually.

Does your husband read scholarly books? A lot of the books out there re married sex for Christians possibly turn men off. But I picked up a book two weeks ago at the Christian Bookseller’s Association’s annual convention in Cincinnati that explores the Song of Solomon on an intellectual level as a basis for Christian married sex. SONG OF SONGS, by Iain M. Duguid (P & R Publishing, 2016). It’s a little pricey, since it’s in hardcover only ($22.50)–I got mine mail order for 60% off, since I was at the convention and talked with the sales person–sorry! Also SOLOMON’S SONG OF LOVE, by Dr. Craig Glickman (Howard Publishing, 2004) is excellent, with a strong appeal for men who read.

I’m praying for you and DH.
Eric

That is beautiful. I pray nearly daily for God’s truth in my marriage and marriage bed, so sullied by lies and legalism, fears and insecurities. Unfortunately, it takes two to tango and my husband seems content with worldly limitations and external perversions. I hope I am wrong in that, and God will open wife the doors of His intended garden for us and we will stroll in to find our Apple tree.

e2 wrote, ” I wouldn’t totally dismiss [Origen’s] allegorical view of the Song of Solomon.”

J has done a masterful and much-needed job of summarizing, with some history, “the (three) Real Purposes of Sex” as they pertain to a wife and husband. In her third “purpose,” Intimacy–I prefer the term “Relationship”–she mentions Ephesians 5:31-32, “about Christ and the church,” which points us to a fourth, more important purpose: to show the relationship between Christ and redeemed humankind. Whenever a Christian married couple gets naked together–and “naked” is an important word here, since Christ wants us exactly that close to Him–“just as I am,” holding back nothing, no rags of self-righteousness to hide behind–and they make love, clumsily or sublimely, they become a picture of how God wants His people like naked babies in His arms, covered with His wings and feathers (see Ruth 3:8; Ezekiel 16:6-8, where “garment” is also the Hebrew word for wings).

Yes, e2, in a broad sense the Song of Solomon is an allegory. But to make it a point-by-point, metaphor-by-metaphor detailed allegory, as did Augustine et al, is to go beyond the Holy Spirit’s intent, I believe. Instead, we have here an unclothed virgin bride without shame inviting her groom into the “garden” of her body on their wedding night. They make love, not only in bed, but strolling naked at dawn to an orchard, then do it again beneath the same apple (or apricot) tree where her parents conceived her, and where nine months later her mom gave birth (see Song 8:5).

To some, this sounds like overblown, nonsense romance. To others–such as Augustine, who struggled all his life with the sexual sins of his youth–it is absurd blasphemy.

Yet this Song, for 3,000 years, stands as God’s primer for married lovemaking–which He created and still blesses. Adam and Eve sullied this, not by premarital sex, of course, but when they sinned at the Tree, and immediately felt compelled to cover with fig leaves the organs which Yahweh had blessed them with for mutual enjoyment.

God gave wives and husbands sacred body parts to cement their oneness of heart with a private oneness of the flesh–in uninhibited intercourse, unfettered childbirth and unashamed breast feeding. Though these body parts are indeed veiled in metaphor, the Holy Spirit was not squeamish about naming the flowers in the young woman’s garden, beginning with her feet and moving up her body to stop at delicate places not discussed openly in public conversation (and which many Bible translators have clumsily misnamed, in attempts to fit Augustine’s allegory theory (e.g. “navel,” where vulva is meant).

So it’s time that God’s people redeem eros, which the world has sullied, and enjoy this eros for what our Creator intended. “For freedom,” Paul writes, “Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” of legalistic, prudish rules (see Galatians 5:1, ESV). So, find yourself an apple tree where there are no curious eyes nor mosquitoes, and gladly fulfill the Lord’s “Real Purposes of Sex.” He will smile as you become “one flesh.” Believe it!