I get it. But I also know that stress and depression and low testosterone and all kinds of other not-so-disconcerting issues could be going on.

Oh, don’t apologize! I only wanted to let you know that my husband and I had have matched drives, I’ve been the low-drive spouse, and I’ve been the high-drive spouse. (I sometimes wonder if God did that on purpose so I could speak to all sides.) But I do understand what it feels like to want your husband to pursue you sexually more than he’s doing. And I don’t think my husband’s lower drive has anything to do with his love for me, but other issues — which is most often the case.

I did not know that. If you’ve said it, I must’ve missed it. I’m sorry.

By the way, you do know I’m the higher-drive spouse, right? And have been for a while.

Maybe. And the godly thing I’d have to work towards myself.

However, you say “confident, happy wives are more attractive to men.”

And I’d reply, “I’d be happier and more confident if he found me attractive.”

#circularargument ?

PS, I think this is hard for most women to comprehend, because their husbands DO find them very attractive, pursue them, and are very interested in them sexually. I can understand how difficult this may be to understand when your husband loves you and finds you sexually appealing.

I think godly, confident, happy wives are more attractive to men. #justsayin

I’m wondering if perhaps I’m trying too hard. I’ve definitely not been meek. I’m sure feeling upset and unworthy is not the same as meekness. My husband seems to get genuinely upset when I lament about how unattractive I am to him, and how he can’t possibly love me like a wife, if he has little to no interest. I have begged him to tell me what is wrong and I will do my best to change, but he acts like he likes me to be me. Which makes no sense. He sometimes acts like he’s interested during the day (at the most inopportune times, of course, which allows him to say he “was” interested, when he knows there’s no feasible way it can happen and therefore he gets out of it) – but in the evenings he’s usually too “tired”. (Although I think if a woman he was genuinely attracted to showed up that he would all of a sudden find the energy). Even if I’m not unattractive to him, I’m probably too familiar. I have read how men prefer novelty and lose interest in the familiar.

And I’ve tried all of the suggestions and then some. I used to initiate most of the time. I work out and stay in relatively good shape. I’ve tried date night, lingerie, etc. Most of the time these things all backfire, not ending the way they’re “supposed” to, and making me feel all the more repulsive to my husband.

So now I’m wondering if the problem is me. Not necessarily what I look like, but my attitude. Maybe I’ve been too focused on how I wish things were, rather than having a spirit of meekness. I’m really not sure what God’s vision for my marital intimacy is, but perhaps it isn’t anything like what I wish it was. And I need to learn to accept that, because God’s ways are always better than our ways.

I do find myself having very negative thoughts, wondering why God would want what seems so good for one couple, and not for us, but I need to learn not to question, but just to accept. I think it’s even deeper than that. I need to somehow find an answer to all of this in His word, and I need to stop talking about praying about it, and actually pray about it.

Good series, J. A lot to ponder.

Thanks, Eric! I haven’t read Ngina’s post yet! But her blog is wonderful.