I’m sure there are exceptions; I just wondered why so many men are looking for the nearest door whenever their wives are getting out the Sense and Sensibility dvd. It may be that it’s not about self-confidence as you say, but simply what men identify with. I don’t care to watch the depressing WWII documentaries my husband likes; not because they threaten my “womanhood” but because there are other things I’d rather do with my time. But it sounds like your husband “gets it” or at least enjoys the romance for its own sake. Some men just have a wider romantic “streak” than others, I guess. My brother is not one you’d think to be very romantic to look at him; but he proposed to my sister-in-law in a suit of armor. Don’t know about his taste in movies, though.

Maybe I have an “oddball” but my husband enjoys “chick flicks” about as much as I do and isn’t afraid to admit it and he’s a very “manly” man. I think for him, though, it comes down to his confidence and comfort in who he is, himself, as a man. Or, maybe, it’s that he has only sisters and now finds himself, once again, surrounded by females (myself and our two daughters) and never bothered with bothering to collect “man cards.” Lol! Either way I adore him.

So for the partaker, maybe it’s not so different. But I would argue that porn is far worse in destroying lives because of the sex trafficking surrounding this industry now, the violence perpetuated and encouraged against women, the entire focus on the physical without regard to any relationship. Yes, sin is sin and all affect our souls, but the here-and-now consequences of sin can depend on degree. Does that make sense?

Libl wrote, “But the soft core does the same to him as the hardcore does to another man, so what us the difference? None.”

My point exactly, but I confess it places me in a dilemma. If I’m honest, I’ll admit that sexual arousal feels good, and I’ll also admit that sexy images are arousing. Those sexy images need not be what we typically consider to be “porn.” My wife has admitted the same to me. I have enjoyed the fruit of her arousal after watching a particularly sexy scene on network TV, and I’ll confess I didn’t object. But, if we watch those images in order to feel aroused, how is that different from watching an XXX internet video to get aroused? I’m not trying to justify XXX porn sites, only trying to recognize that porn is literally all around us and nearly impossible to avoid. And, yet, if I hold to such a standard, am I not condemning nearly every human on the planet, including myself, who has found themselves stimulated by a make-out scene in a PG chick-flick?

I wrestle with this as I’ve known men who have lost their jobs, families, and respect by viewing Internet porn, while others enjoy the same arousing effects by watching network TV love scenes without suffering any negative consequences.

I agree. As mentioned above my husband has taken to watching music videos set to videos done by Playboy and other porn outlets featuring barely legal girls. I won’t go into details for your sake, but the girls’ are presented VERY sexually, but never show the “important bits”. They show everything but, but not full nudity. So, it becomes more “justified.” A gray area. But now that he is REPEATEDLY watching these videos…leaving for work a little early and using that time to watch these videos…I call it porn to him. He actually isn’t into graphic gynecology-porn, as I call it. He is more turned on by the tease and peek, suggestion, striptease, and flirtation than hardcore stuff. To him that means that he is justified. It is more decent and thus allowable. But the soft core does the same to him as the hardcore does to another man, so what us the difference? None.

Once he bought a Maxim magazine and the guy at the checkout called him out on it. Hubby replied, “I am buying this because I don’t buy Playboy or Penthouse.” In his mind, so long as he doesn’t go for the actual porn, he is ok.

Poor, deceived man. Never mind that he has a young, in shape, sexually eager and adventerous wife right here. He has everything right here to fill and fulfill him sexually, but he chooses the harlot.

” Just because one wouldn’t find an orgy lustful doesn’t mean they should casually indulge in watching it.”

I fully agree. My point in saying that a graphic nude orgy would do nothing for me wasn’t to justify watching it. Far from it. I fully agree that my wife is the only nude woman I should be looking at. My point was that there is MORE that has pornographic affect — and should therefore be avoided — than just nude bodies.

I agree with the notion that it’s really irritating for someone to insist they know what you think, especially when that’s not at all what you think. I’ve had that happen too, and it’s one of my pet peeves.

“My husband, like you, gets angry at me just for being realistic.”

Let me rephrase that for you, dear sister.

“My husband, like you, gets angry at me because I am essentially calling him a liar when I refuse his compliments, as well as blind, stupid and insensible for daring to disagree with my own self-assessment, which is more cruel and hateful, and therefore, in my mind, more ‘realistic.'”

You’re so convinced that you’re right about how ugly, terrible, and worthless you are, that you’re willing to essentially call your husband a blind, stupid liar. I’m 100% sure that wasn’t in your marriage vows! 😉

What I hear in all of this is you believing you know your husband’s OWN MIND better than he knows it himself — sure, he SAYS he loves you, wants you, thinks you’re desirable and worthy, but he doesn’t DO exactly what you want him to do, and sometimes he even NOTICES other women in a way you somehow psychically just KNOW makes you come off worse. If there’s anything I hated when I was in the depths of my worst depression, it was someone telling me what I was thinking or feeling. “Well, you’re doing X, so you MUST be feeling Y.” Often I didn’t even have the energy to argue, but it filled me with such frustration, because it was a false accusation!

I’m praying for you right now, B, that you would learn to trust your husband’s words, to assume the best about him, and most of all to find your worth in Christ.