Sometimes we want to give our sex intimacy in marriage a boost, but we don’t quite know how to get things going. As women, we can have an even harder time initiating sex, because it feels so … awkward.
But there are so many ways to let your husband know you want to make love — tonight. And I’ve put together a list of 40!
Before I begin, I want to give a caveat to the high-drive wives out there. Some of you are just a bit more charged up than your husband, but if you can get things going, he’ll be right there with you. If that’s you, most of these suggestions will work.
Other high-drive wives have to put more effort to get their guy on board, in which case the more direct forms of sexual initiation are more likely to result in success.
And now for the 40 ways to initiate sex with your husband.
- Greet him with a passionate kiss. Go above and beyond your usual hello smooch and put more oomph into it.
- Send the kids to grandma’s. Make space and time for you two to be alone together and see what happens.
- Put on your intimacy playlist. Set the tone with music.
- Slow dance in the living room or your bedroom. Get up-close and in each other’s arms and see where it leads you.
- Prepare the bedroom for intimacy. Set the mood with special lighting, silky sheets, etc. — or at least the laundry piles off the bed and the kids’ Legos back in their room.
- Leave him a note. On his mirror, in his briefcase, on his dashboard, in his sock drawer — wherever he’ll see it.
- Wear suggestive lingerie. Don that revealing outfit that makes his gaze linger.
- Leave a “bread crumb trail” to the bedroom. Use anything from flower petals to bite-sized candies to love notes to draw him into the bedroom where you await.
- Take him lingerie shopping, and invite him to be involved in your purchase. Choose something together you’d like to try on, and take off.
- Read Song of Songs together, trading off the male and female parts and directing your words at each other. It’s a sexy book. In the Bible. Trust me.
More Direct Methods
- Gift wrap a box, hand it to him and say, “This is what I’m wearing to bed tonight,” then let him open up the box to find it empty.
- Flash him — your breasts and/or your southern region. Give a subtle peek or display the goodies, but either way could get his motor running.
- Cook his favorite dinner and, while you’re eating, tell him you’re dessert.
- Sext him. (Keep it to something that, if your adult kids found it, would make you really blush but not swear off eye contact for the rest of your life.)
- Whisper into his ear what you want to do with him sexually. Bonus points for specificity.
- Wear a skirt or a dress without undies and let him know you’re going commando.
- Offer to give him a body massage. Have the massage oil or lotion ready to go, and stroke his whole body with your hands.
- Ask him to give you a body massage. Turn the tables and let him put his hands on you.
- Book a hotel room. Getting away can free your minds for a night of great sex.
- Schedule sex on the calendar. That may not sound sexy, but why not put on his and your calendars a date and time for sexual intimacy?
Making It Clear You Want Him
- Slip into bed naked. When he rolls over, he’ll know what you have in mind.
- Tell him you’re available for sex. This sounds blah, but it can work to simply say, “If you want to make love, I’m totally up for it tonight.”
- Write him a sex poem. You’ve heard of love poems, but how about one that’s a little steamier?
- Purchase a new marital aid (lube, board game, wedge pillow) and suggest trying it out.
- Make a list of sexual positions and ask which one he wants to try tonight. (See Christian Friendly Sexual Positions for ideas.)
- Offer to play Strip ____. Poker, Battleship, Checkers, whatever.
- Find a sex tips chapter from my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous, bookmark a page with a note saying “let’s try this tonight,” and leave it for him to find.
- Ask about his sexual fantasy, or tell him yours. Even if you don’t act it out, you get the conversation started for what you want to do sexually.
- Suggest a challenge, like “First one to make the other climax gets out of doing dishes tonight.” (This only works as a playful idea, not real bartering.)
- Give him a straightforward multiple choice of foreplay options: So tonight, do you want a hand job, a blow job, or to give me oral sex?
Getting Right to It
- Say, “I want to make love with you. Right now.” No mixed message there.
- Take his hands and put them on the intimate places of your body, inviting him to fondle.
- Undress him. Bit by bit or tearing off his clothes — whatever floats your boat.
- Kiss him in that place you know he likes. Behind his ear? At his waistband? Inner thigh? Find that special, sensuous spot and start kissing.
- Snuggle up to him and slyly begin massaging his testicles. Gently, teasingly.
- Reach over and touch, stroke, or squeeze his penis. Many men like the direct approach — going right for the good stuff.
- Perform a strip tease. (The Marriage Bed has specific tips here.)
- Straddle his hips, pressing into him where it counts. It’s a strong taste of what could be happening if you both got naked.
- Get in the shower with him, and start soaping him up.
- Drop to your knees in front of him, unzip his pants, and stroke his man-part with your hands or mouth.
That’s it! FORTY ways to initiate sex with your hubby! Now go forth and give one a try. Then come back in a few days, or even tomorrow, and choose another.