I’m referring to the several times you set up a scenario in which a guy gets no attention vs a woman gets sexually harassed a couple of times. It came across as you saying that women who gets harassed a couple of times are unfairly crying foul, when I know that it’s an ongoing issue for too many. Point being — I realize all kinds of people are reading this blog, and it’s better to deal with their individual issues rather than setting up comparisons on whose pain is greater.

Fair enough, but you do recognize that degree matters, right? Millionaires and starving tribes is not usually the comparison we make in our lives. And that’s what I was addressing.

If some men have it bad, they have it bad regardless of how their circumstances compare to women’s circumstances. Do you not see how problematic it is, to jump into a conversation about issues affecting one group to say, “Yeah, but this other group has it SO MUCH WORSE!”?

It is great to feel passionate about, say, child abuse. It is even good to wish that more people knew and cared about child abuse. What’s not ok (and doesn’t even make sense) is coming along to a post about, say, human trafficking, and saying, “That’s nothing! Abused children have it so much worse! I have interviewed dozens of victims of child abuse and I think that it’s a FAR worse problem than some nobody getting kidnapped and having to work kind of hard for a while.” If someone did that, they would deserve a telling-off, and then a ban.

Both of those things are problematic. They both deserve care and attention. It is good for people to be passionate and care about both things. It is NOT, NOT, NOT ok to denigrate one in order to point out the other.

But in doing so, you’re being dismissive of sexual harassment. And I cannot go there. You also keep saying “occasionally harassed.” Which tells me that you have no idea how often some women have been harassed and the effect it can have.

The point is, Tom, that you can make your argument about the struggle of single men desiring attention without making comparisons or minimizing others’ issues.

J, What I wanted to stress (which you know of course) is that the default condition for guys is worse (IMO) than the typical woman’s condition of being occasionally sexually harassed. And the thing is, I feel guys don’t generally write and complain about their condition, whether it’s this situation or any other negative condition in their lives. They’re conditioned not to complain too much, but to “suck it up”. I’m in the minority to complain – I realize that. So, because of men usually being silent, I think it’s easy for women to not realize how men have it. And by bringing up this point, I feel it should help some women not feel so bad. For instance, when I complain that I’m short (which I kind of am), then when I think of my cousin who’s 2 inches shorter than me, it makes me feel a little better because I realize some others have it worse. So partly I wanted to stress my point to help women feel better, but I also wanted to make me feel better, because to know I “have it bad” helps me to not beat myself up so much when I have trouble in the finding-women department. So I see some emotionally-healthy aspects to what I do, although I see how it can be emotionally unhealthy too.

I’m not familiar with that book. Thanks.