You know. It could be that he associates sex with shame and guilt. Or some weird message about masculinity = sex that he secretly hates. Or the fact that he was thought that sex is only for sluts/ dirty/ degrading. You are his wife -> therefore not a slut -> therefore he’s soiling you somehow by having sex with you. It’s not necessarily about you or your desirability.

It’s not a good situation. But you shouldn’t draw conclusions about yourself, your sexuality or your desirability from it.

Glad this got you to thinking. (And yeah, that’s insulting to disabled people. I’ve personally started wondering about all of our “awareness” stuff; does it matter, or should we actually be doing something to help people? Anyway…) My husband called me on the phone thing on a date, and he was right. I’ve tried much harder to put it away and focus on him.

Ah, the magic bullet. I wish I had one of those. Believe me, if I did, I’d freely share!

I feel you, B. I understand that tendency, too, to read blogs and realize just how different your experience is than everyone else’s. My husband was 1) super promiscuous before we met and 2) has never once responded when I’ve attempted to initiate (or ask or schedule or anything) and 3) has a really hard time forcing himself to have sex with me even to try to conceive. So not only do I not have anything resembling a sex life, I will never have children — and I know it is 100% because of how my husband views me because he was certainly capable of desiring and pursuing dozens of other women.

One thing I wrestle with is that there is something in me that God decided didn’t “deserve” to be a mother or to have a loving husband. By and large, I still feel like this is punishment for something, and I just don’t know what it is. I know that’s not true (both as theology and on the practical matter of knowing my own sins), but it’s how I feel.

On the one hand, reading blogs has shown to me that other women deal with similar situations, so that’s something. But, I have to admit, I also read to see if I can find that magic bullet that is somehow going to make everything The Way It Should Be.

Hey, let’s change our vocabulary. (You do realize I’m the higher-drive spouse in my marriage now, right?) We are not abnormal; we are unusual, special, exceptional. Our self-talk matters. 🙂

I’m glad you’re wanting to pray more. We’re praying with you.

Thank you!