Well, I’m in trouble then. (Just kidding. Sorta.)

Actually, I don’t know how I could possibly function even in my ministry to “transmit nothing that you would not wish the world to know.” For instance, I answer very personal questions sent to me by email, and I want to be extremely responsible in keeping their confidence. Do either parties of that email want the world to know? Of course not! But it seems a bit paranoid to think that will get out (it won’t), and the need for some people to get good information and advice certainly trounces any latent worries.

At the same time, I do have a policy that I don’t put anything out in public or on my phone that would haunt me. It might well embarrass me, but I can recover from that.

The sensible approach to all computer, internet and telecommunications activity is to record, broadcast or transmit nothing that you would not wish the world to know.

1) If you can, use a hardline internet connection instead of wi-fi, it is almost always more secure.

2) Tom’s suggestion of burner accounts for your sexy transmissions is a great idea, especially if you have curious kids (like ours) who like to try and figure out mom and dad’s passwords.

3) If you do need to use a wi-fi connection, consider investing in a VPN service.

4) If you are using a mobile device (iPhone, iPad, Android phone, etc.), consider using an alternative system with End-to-End encryption for chatting or sending risqué photos such as Telegram, WhatsApp or Viber. They are considerably more secure than regular text messages and can be

5) MAINTAIN STRONG PASSWORDS FOR YOUR DEVICES AND ACCOUNTS!! This can’t be overstated. Any secure software is only as strong as the password to your laptop, email account or phone. The more characters in a password, the better off you will be. This includes spaces and special characters. If your password is “Kid1&Kid2”, consider making is “Kid #1 and Kid #2” (yes, the spaces count as characters) as a more secure option. It also makes it easier to type since most of us are used to typing things in sentence form.

6) Keep in mind the fact that you are doing nothing wrong by engaging in sexual communication with your spouse. If you’re scared to death that someone, somewhere, may eventually see this interplay between you and your spouse, the terrorists win. Lol.

Online security should be something everyone should be aware of but not something that keeps everyone paralyzed with fear. Unless you have a reason for someone to be blackmailing you or you are under surveillance (for whatever reason), there is little to be gained by someone trying to intercept video calls between a husband and wife.

Ah, good point! I’m less familiar with FaceTime, so I appreciate you covering this.

So I found the article and read it. Her points deal with several issues. Some of them just about the awkwardness of it, but isn’t a lot of sexual activity with our spouses awkward at first? It is for us gals (or many of us, I should say). Moreover, this article was written in 2011, and her point about technology being difficult (like screens freezing) just doesn’t hold true as tech gets better and better.

The best points she makes are that it’s not intimate like physical touching and holding and lovemaking. And on that point, I would agree with her. It’s certainly not a substitute for face-to-face, body-to-body sexual intimacy. However, she says, “The whole affair is based on the primal act of getting some … And afterward, there’s no cuddling, no spooning, no soft kisses that say ‘Even though we just did it like animals I still care about you.’ Nope, none of that. Just an uncomfortable sign off before you both go to bed alone.” With that, I entirely disagree. This isn’t some random stranger hookup online, and a husband and wife can communicate and express quite a bit of love. If we didn’t believe this, why even bother phoning each other when your mate is gone? Wouldn’t that be fake communication if you can’t see each other and get all the nonverbal communication as well? But we don’t believe that; we operate on the premise that we can fill in the blanks and do the best we can with what we’ve got.

Of course this should be, as you say, a “meaningful married sexual relationship.” And for some, this approach absolutely would not work toward that. But for those who want to do this, I can’t find a biblical or practical reason to say no. I do provide warnings about handling it well, and yes, that includes making sure it’s still as intimate as you can make it. Thanks for your comment.

Yes good reference, Paul Newman said the same of his wife Joann Woodward – apparently when he was asked about all the women who would throw themselves at him his response was something like, “Why settle for hamburger when you have steak at home.” mmmmmm

She seems to address the meaningful married sexual relationship. Read this, reality hits home and yes, we all have to make some sacrifices.
Marc

Thank you, J for enabling believers to walk in freedom and joy in their marriage bed. Another great post!