Comments on: Q&A with J: “My Husband Wants to See Me with Another Man” https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Thu, 25 May 2017 17:57:56 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.2 By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64141 Thu, 25 May 2017 17:57:56 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64141 In reply to Anon.

Yes, that’s true. I dealt with the specific question, but I definitely know that husbands in Christian marriages can request such inappropriate, or really sinful, sexual acts as well.

You say that your husband is the most caring man you know. Well, if he were here, I’d tell him he’s not nearly caring enough. How could he continue to badger you with this fantasy when it’s obviously wrong and upsets you so much? How is that caring? I understand that this is a genuine temptation for him, but he’s letting it become an obsession. You need to tell him to stop, and if he won’t, you need to seek intervention. I’m so sorry to break that bad news. But really, he cannot continue this way with you. And you need to step up and help him to avoid this sin, both in real life and in his mind. I’m praying for you.

(Oh, and anyone else reading this…dogging refers to having public sex while others watch. I wanted to share that so you don’t have to go look it up and possible see something you shouldn’t.)

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64099 Tue, 23 May 2017 12:25:40 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64099 In reply to Ricky.

Ah, sarcasm. It can certainly make a point well. 😉

]]> By: Ricky https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64095 Mon, 22 May 2017 23:21:13 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64095 I would love to see my wife have sex with another man. I would love to have my children wish they had my best friend for a father instead of me. I would also like to see my biggest rival at work take my job away from me and do it twice as good as I do. I would love to order food at a restaurant and give it to an overweight man in the next table and offer to pay for it and all of the food he’s already ordered. I would love to take my brand new 2017 Lexus RX350 to the used car dealership and trade it straight up for 1966 Rambler with 4 bald tires and a rusted out exterior. And I like hanging out at seedy bars and sitting in front of chain smokers inhaling the second hand smoke so I someday get lung cancer. You see, I’m called a masochist and I am out of my mind.

]]> By: Anonymous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64074 Sun, 21 May 2017 21:52:13 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64074 In reply to Kay.

Mirrors?

]]> By: Kay https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64067 Sat, 20 May 2017 21:13:19 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64067 My husband explained this fantasy to me in a way that makes sense. He says he wants to be able to see me (ALL of me) while having sex, which is not possible, therefore he has this cuckhold fantasy. He realizes that’s not only sinful, but also that that isn’t actually his true desire. Basicaly he realizes he wish he could have an out of body experience while having sex with me, so he can both be having sex with me but being able to see from other angles. So basically, he is smart enough to realize the root desire is actually just to have more of me! So he shuts down that fantasy immediately now. But that was a helpful way to see it instead of being horrified by it. For those who are comfortable with this, perhaps that is where filming might come in. I’m not comfortable with that personally, but I do “get” it, if that makes sense.

]]> By: Anon https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64057 Sat, 20 May 2017 11:14:21 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64057 Not always an unsaved husband wanting this. My husband is a good Christian man in every other way, he fills in for preachers who are sick or on holiday, longs to see other work for God being started in our church etc and tries to live to please God honestly in his business dealings, family life etc and is the most hardworking caring man I know but then also has this fantasy!!! I honestly believe he has a separate part of his brain that he keeps it in away from his Christian relationship with God as I don’t understand how he can’t see it’s wrong or isn’t convicted by the Holy Spirit about it. I’ve made it very clear I will NEVER be making his fantasy into a reality. He keeps telling me it’s not adultery if I have his permission. I’ve even found evidence of him googling is it ok for a Christian to do this and of course he has found quack Christian sites that tell him it is!! People can justify anything if they want to. I’ve argued this in every way possible. I’ve reminded him that in my marriage vows to him and God I promised to forsake all others and so did he. I’ve said well fine if you believe it’s not adultery for me because I have your permission but what about the fact you’re still causing the other man involved to sin and to have sex outside of marriage. To which he said you don’t actually have to have sex, he just wants to see me giving the other man pleasure with my hand or him pleasuring me with his hands etc. So I said well if you still think that even that’s ok then you’re also telling me you wouldn’t have a problem being the one joining another married couple and being that other man getting pleasured by his wife with her hand or giving her pleasure. He then put his head down and said he would never dream of doing that and he never thought of it like that and that he would feel like he was cheating on me if he did that and I’m his ultimate fantasy not any other woman. He has no desire to be with another woman. So I thought I’d finally convinced him only for the fantasy to be brought up again by him a few weeks later. This has progressed to where he now has albums full of pornographic images of two men with one woman and he transposes my head into the pics so it looks like I’m the one carrying out the acts. I’ve argued this out with him many times, telling him I’m scared one of our three teenage children will stumble across these pics and who are they going to be horrified at?, not him as it will be their mother they see in them all. I’ve argued this to the stage where he’s practically thrown his phone or tablet at me and said fine delete them all, I’m not having this argument again. He has even begged me to get rid of his phone/ tablet and get him a basic phone so he wont be able to do that. So I’ve sat for more than two hours deleting all these pics, and then several months down the line discovered he had them all backed up to Dropbox and has just downloaded them all again anyway and made more new ones. I struggle to actually get rid of his phone as I feel a married Christian man should be able to have a smartphone and not be doing this and he needs it for other things. Then sometimes I think is this where I’m being really naive?! If it is too much temptation for him should I just get him a basic phone that doesn’t alter pictures and have apps or internet access and maybe that would be an end to it all?
We have been married for 16 years and have always had an amazing regular sex life. I’ve been willing to dress up, role Play etc and have tried many new things that he has suggested. I know how this fantasy entered our marriage approx three years ago. The devil is extremely subtle and knows where we are weak. There was an article in our local paper about how police had arrested people at a park near us which was being used as a local “dogging place”. We weren’t even sure what dogging was so we looked it up and laughed about it together but it seemed to open a door to that kind of thinking in my husbands mind. After a while he would have brought up scenarios to do with dogging where I was the woman in the car and over more time it has progressed to this. I now feel much less of an emotional connection with him when we have sex as I actually feel he can’t get turned on any more just by looking at me or desiring me but only by imagining other men are finding me desirable first. It makes me feel like I’m no longer that desirable to him and this fantasy helps him. I also feel like if he had any respect for me he would get angry and jealous at the thought of me with another man, the way I would if he was to ever touch another woman. When I try to discuss this he now gets so angry and defensive and turns it to where I always have a problem with him. I feel like this is the secret sin I’m constantly covering up and can’t confide in anyone I know as I wouldn’t trust them to keep it confidential. So I’m just constantly praying for him that God will remove this fantasy from him. I’m ultimately worried that he will ruin his testimony and relationship with God eventually with all of this as I don’t believe the two can go together. Sorry if I’ve written too much but really wanted to show that this is not just a “Christian wife/ unsaved husband” scenario.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64051 Fri, 19 May 2017 16:53:17 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64051 In reply to Karen Underwood.

It sounds like you can say with complete honesty that you did everything you could to try to make that former marriage work, but I’m glad you got out. Serial adultery and abuse are definitely breaks in the marriage covenant. Thank God that you now know something so different with your husband. May God bless you!

]]> By: Karen Underwood https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64050 Fri, 19 May 2017 15:16:44 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64050 Thank you for your nonjudgmental and true answer! Your suggestions for what she should say are perfect! The key is the follow through. It is NOT easy, but you have to stay with your convictions. I am praying for her! I understand this much to well. I lived for 32 years married to a man who forced me to do this. In the beginning it was very often, but I finally got up the nerve to refused after I found God 20 years ago. That fact that was ex-husband was a non believer was a huge factor in his lifestyle. However, his porn addiction got much worse (hours every day) and he NEVER gave up trying to get me into it again. I know he was frequently unfaithful, most likely with women who would entertain this perversion. He became verbally aggressive and abusive in trying to taunt me back into our old ways. I finally left him in 2013 and am married to a wonderful man who God created just for me.

]]> By: Cara https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64048 Fri, 19 May 2017 13:49:10 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64048 Excellent answer! Full of well thought out information too (I did not know the name for this!)
And I love your suggestions for what she could say to her husband in this scenario.

]]> By: E https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/05/18/qa-with-j-my-husband-wants-to-see-me-with-another-man/#comment-64046 Fri, 19 May 2017 09:48:21 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=21401#comment-64046 Great answer, J! Really well thought out, full of wise advice, I especially loved the fact you chose a question from a wife with an unbelieving husband.

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