Just an FYI, I sat on this comment for a while before approving it. Todd was gracious enough to follow-up and tell me not to post it if I didn’t think I should. But Tom has been pretty confrontational in speaking about his perspective of male/female sex differences, so I finally concluded it was fair to let this comment from another man go through. If nothing else, it shows that men are not all of that viewpoint.

Tom, I don’t mean to sound confrontational, but I can’t help but think that had you had even the most basic interactions with a real woman, you’d have better things to do than show your ignorance in regard to sexually themed discussions.

I can assure you that women are no less “asexual” than men, they just run into so many uninformed, pouting men that they become discouraged.

Do your brothers a favor, and quit talking until you have an actual positive motive for doing so.

Todd

Actually, porn has not been issue in my marriage. We’ve had other issues, believe me, but not that one. Yes, my husband has seen porn, years ago. But I often call my husband “Spock,” because he is very driven by logic. And to him, it’s not logical to gaze at naked flesh you can’t have, and don’t even want.

Yes, it’s likely helped that his wife is sex-positive. But it’s really been his decision — based on faith, ethics, and logic — not to watch. While my answer may seem too simple, I believe it shows that not every man looks at porn, and a lot of men truly could get to where my husband is. It’s harder for some than others, but I personally know another husband who thinks like mine … yet struggled in the past with porn.

I’m saying a prayer for your marriage. Walk alongside him and pursue holiness together!

This truth is very helpful as it clarifies some confusion and frustration I have had.

As a man whose sex drive is almost always on simmer, I’ve never understood the ability of some women to clearly separate sexual touch from non-sexual affection. To me, nearly all touches between a man and woman have some sexual connotation and fall somewhere on the romantic continuum from holding hands to orgasmic delight. But, if a woman doesn’t get aroused until well into a love-making session, then it makes sense that she would see some of the preliminary touching as non-sexual and not leading to anything orgasmic.

My frustration, of course, is that until my wife is aroused, she often has little interest in receiving the very touches that will arouse her. But, I’m learning to touch her in ways that speak love to her (even if they don’t lead to arousal) rather than touching her in ways that speak love to me. Likewise, she is learning to understand my higher drive and touch me in ways that speak love to me. We are both learning to accept that the touches that speak love to her are different from the touches that speak love to me. It’s all good, even if it’s not the way I would have painted the marriage portrait.

Thanks, J. I agree with you re libido/sexual desire.

Tom, I can see what you mean re ‘sex drive’. Perhaps the wording was wrong. However, I think my point still stands if you change the words drive to desire…women may have a stronger desire for sex, once it is awakened, which still means that they are FAR from asexual.

How about we just don’t get hung up on definitions of what’s porn and what isn’t.
How about just this. Are you getting sexual stimulation from the image? If yes than it doesn’t matter if it fits whatever definition you have for pornography or not, it’s not healthy for you and constitutes sin. Remember ‘looking at a woman lustfully’ being adultery in the heart?
The same goes for how people around you are dressed or not dressed.
Occasionally seeing half naked or even fully naked people may become a fact of life.
Just because World Nude Bike Day is happening or there’s a slut walk or there’s a go topless rally or whatever, doesn’t mean you have to go check it out in person or follow it in the media.
Years ago, in 1992, a small number of women held a topfree demonstration at Parliament Hill in Ottawa and THOUSANDS of men showed up with cameras. No, I didn’t go.
I hope that if I ever interact with an improperly dressed woman I can focus on her face no matter what. If that disappoints her, well too bad. Not my problem.

Sheila and I have both said it, based on newer research. Original studies on sexual response cycle didn’t distinguish male/female; but when researchers looked closer at women, they recognized that arousal often didn’t happen first, but rather as a response to stimulation.

I’ll pipe in and say, so what if it isn’t? Maybe it’s sexual response rather than drive. That would only mean that male/female sexuality is different, and what works best is for husband and wife to work together so they can both express their core sexuality.

I believe that they’re both libido, however, which is simply defined as “sexual desire.”