Comments on: A Prayer for Higher-Drive Wives

By: closertotheheart

closertotheheart — Fri, 14 Jul 2017 21:09:59 +0000

This is a beautiful prayer! I am a high drive husband, and I found my eyes welling up as I read through it. I need this prayer. I copied it, then edited it to be appropriate for a husband to pray. I hope you don’t mind. Thank you.

By: B

Thu, 13 Jul 2017 14:28:30 +0000

So I’ve been struggling with this for days now. Reading this prayer, re-reading it, wanting to pray it, feeling unworthy of praying it, understanding it, being upset that I need to pray it, having weak faith, wondering if there’s any point to praying it, getting mad at myself for wondering that, knowing it would be worth a try, fighting against it, and so on and so on and so on.

And then today, in my inbox, I got my daily devotion by Dr. Charles Stanley. And the last paragraph said this:
“Do you live in eager expectation of what the Lord will do? Or have you chosen to linger in the depths of despair? Like Nehemiah, turn your disappointment into a petition for God’s help. He can restore your hope and prevent negative emotions from gaining a stranglehold on your life.”

Wow. If that’s not encouragement to pray this prayer, I don’t know what is.

By: J

Mon, 10 Jul 2017 17:59:26 +0000

In reply to B. Fake it 'til you make it. Which sounds a little deceptive, but in this case it's more like deciding to agree with God, even when we struggle to accept His plan. I hope this prayer helps you! Blessings, B.

By: B

Mon, 10 Jul 2017 17:07:27 +0000

This is a beautiful prayer, and one that I should be praying. I need to just tell myself to shut up, and I need to read this prayer over and over and try to absorb it. To push out my own negative thoughts.

But I feel like I’m not quite good enough or worthy to pray it.

Especially these two parts:
“Help me to feel deep down that I am beautiful, worthy, desirable.”
I kinda don’t think that’s going to happen. It’s a nice thought, but it would be like praying “help me to become the best NFL quarterback ever.” Yes, all things are possible. But is that really ever going to happen? Most likely not. I wasn’t created to be those things. If I were beautiful, worthy, desireable – or any one of those things – my husband and I probably wouldn’t have these issues.

And then…
“You, Lord, knit me together in my mother’s womb and created my inmost being, which includes a healthy sex drive. I will not denounce or discourage my higher libido, because You placed that in me and Your works are wonderful, including our sexuality”
Yikes! I have prayed a hundred times for God to take away my sex drive. I see it as a curse. I long to be low drive, or no drive, with a husband who is far more interested in me. I get it that I am incredibly selfish. But I would much rather be low drive with a husband who found me attractive enough to pursue, than to have this high drive that just frustrates both of us. As of yet, God has not answered my prayer to have my sex drive disappear. Although it would definitely make my husband much happier and make me feel less ugly (inside and out), God must have other plans. I’m trying to accept that.

But yes, this is a beautiful prayer. I’ll keep reading it. Maybe someday I’ll feel able to pray it. I want to pray it, but I’d feel like I’m lying because I don’t agree 100% with what it asks for. I know I should agree, but the stubborn and hurting parts of me don’t agree.

By: GP

GP — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 13:05:48 +0000

Thank you so much for this prayer. It’s perfect and beautiful and expresses so much of my heart. The first few months of our marriage were rough — I just couldn’t fathom why my husband didn’t want to have sex very often and I felt so rejected and unlovely. We’ve worked through a lot and things are much better — his drive is even increasing! Prayer has been key, and this one is wonderful. Thank you!!

By: John

John — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 00:48:08 +0000

this prayer reflects what both sexes have in common the pain of rejection .
It does not matter from which side of the bed it came from.
It turns out that both feel not good enough worthy enough or valued enough.
In a situation where cherished should be the normal not the rarity.

By: J

Sun, 09 Jul 2017 12:50:54 +0000

In reply to Alicia.

I got told that too. That’s a terrible message to tell a wife, and I think it’s part of our desire to relate to each other so much that we want to commiserate. Sad.

I’ve personally experienced seasons when my drive was quite low, but I’ve never stopped enjoying sex and my drive bounced back up. It’s a good thing for my marriage, and I believe it can good for yours too. Many blessings!

By: Sophie

Sophie — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 12:50:10 +0000

What a wonderful prayer thank you so much.

By: Alicia

Alicia — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 12:37:17 +0000

Thanks for this, J. I’m not struggling with it right now as much, but I’ve felt like a freak for years because I’m a high-drive woman. I’ve felt like that in general, but especially in Christian circles, when so many women pride themselves on their low drive, and gripe about their husbands for his wanting sex. I remember talking in women’s small groups about how I actually do want my husband, and getting told repeatedly, “Just wait till you’re married a few years, you’ll feel like we do.” God, I pray not! I read your blog and a couple others sometimes, and you’re one of the few that addresses high-drive women. Thanks for this!

By: J

Sun, 09 Jul 2017 04:24:57 +0000

In reply to L. Not attracted? Or just not sure about having sex with you while you're pregnant? Because some men do become standoffish during that time, but I don't know that it's physical attraction so much as other things interfering. Be careful with your health! Hang in there.