My heart breaks for you. But I would encourage you to break away from the porn. It’s making things worse — fueling a selfish greed for sex, disrespecting your wife (which likely confirms her fears about men and sex), mistreats the people in porn, and dishonors God’s design for your sexuality.

If you have not sought outside counsel from a pastor or Christian counselor, I would do so immediately. There may yet be hope of intimacy with your wife, but you have to take steps in the right direction. Saying a prayer for you.

Sometimes I hear from a commenter where it’s a done deal, and I respond a bit differently then. I do agree that God hates divorce, but there are some truly abusive situations where a spouse needs to leave. I don’t make those judgments for individuals, though. And I generally think that being in a sexless marriage isn’t a reason to leave without other issues involved: Is Refusing Sex in Marriage a Sin?

I feel the pain of a sexless marriage, and think churches are failing spouses who are in such a situation. It should be addressed for what it is : sin.

But I strongly disagree that divorce would be the answer to that. And even worse, to say that suggesting to NOT divorce is the devil talking and churches failing. God hates divorce (Mal 3), and as Christians we’re called to not divorce, and if it has happened to stay single or reconcile with our spouse (1 Co 7:10,11). Ef 5 shows the relationship between man and wife as between Christ and His church. Would Christ abandon the church, or the church abandon Christ? It does show me that sexual intimacy is a beautiful representation of the intimate love between Christ and His church, and how sinful it is to refuse sex to your spouse, denying this most intimate relationship.

Again, it’s the failure of the church to not address the sin of sexual refusal, it’s not the church failure to deny a divorce.

Secondly, next to all the other practical advice others have given; this is real suffering. In case of suffering, please try to keep doing good, and FULLY trust in the Lord to give you peace in your soul.

1 Pet 2:20b-23
But if you *suffer* for doing good and you *endure* it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an *example*, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he *entrusted himself to him who judges justly*.

God is able to change people, but in the end, he will also judge unrepentant sinners.

I think your anger is okay. Go read the Psalms. It’s walking away that’s not okay. Again, read the Psalms.

But I will say this: I don’t think God’s punishing you in any way for your past choices. If you have confessed and repented, it’s done. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

“For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him” (Psalm 103:11-13).

It’s just that life still has trouble, because we live in a broken world. I do agree that God expect us to continue to be faithful and pursue good, but even if your past has consequences, God still wants you to have the sexual intimacy He designed for marriage. The question, then, is how to get there.