Comments on: Are You Guilty of Whataboutism in Your Marriage? https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/ God's Design for Marital Intimacy Tue, 29 Oct 2019 17:46:48 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 By: Sex Struggles in Marriage: Are You Part of the Problem? | Hot, Holy & Humorous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-84173 Tue, 29 Oct 2019 17:46:48 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-84173 […] and takes too much time. (Concerns which can be addressed, by the way.) Another form this takes is whataboutism, where you rationalize your behavior by pointing out a separate failure of your […]

]]> By: How Your Comments Unintentionally Hurt Women | Hot, Holy & Humorous https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-73284 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 12:25:39 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-73284 […] Whataboutism is alive and well when it comes to discussions about gender! And it happens from time to time in the comment thread. It goes something like this: […]

]]> By: A Loveliness of Links ~ November 2017 - The Forgiven Wife https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-67980 Sun, 03 Dec 2017 12:01:05 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-67980 […] Are You Guilty of Whataboutism in Your Marriage? Hot, Holy & Humorous […]

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-67384 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 03:04:57 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-67384 In reply to LDM.

Wow. How awful! But I suspect some spouses do this mentally…

]]> By: LDM https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-67383 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 00:43:05 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-67383 Many years ago a woman who was a co-worker with my wife told her that she kept a book listing all her husband’s misdeeds. She used it to memorize things to bring up when he criticized her for something. I bet you anything they are not married any longer.

]]> By: Ashley https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-67371 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 00:53:14 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-67371 Like one of your other commenters, I thought of how my husband could sure use some improvement in this area! ? Then I had to face the fact that I’m not perfect yet, and I likely need to work on this more than I want to realize. Thanks for another good post, J.

]]> By: J https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-67367 Wed, 01 Nov 2017 13:09:39 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-67367 In reply to Jessica Craig.

I experienced some of that with my husband years ago, and I realized that a lot of it was my tone. (Actually, in my defense, I think my tone was just fine; however, he thought it was overly expressive — likely due to different families of origin.) Since I wasn’t getting my message across, I worked on my startup. Here’s a little something from The Gottman Institute on Softening Your Startup, but you might also want to try different things to see what works with your own relationship. I personally think we tend to talk too much and ask questions and listen too little. Once the other person feels like they’ve had a chance to say their things without criticism, they’re more likely to hear you out.

One other tip I learned: Just keep bringing it back to the issue at hand. When your spouse uses whataboutism, just validate that issue but then come back to yours? Calmly. Like “You’re right. I really need to work on that. But I also want us to solve this other problem too.” (That’s just attitude, not actual words, but you get the point.) Hope something here helps, Jessica!

]]> By: Jessica Craig https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-67357 Tue, 31 Oct 2017 23:47:58 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-67357 I will totally admit to having done this occasionally but this is my husband’s go to response for ANYTHING I try to talk to him about. Any suggestions if it really isn’t me that does this most of the time? I feel totally invalidated every time I try to bring up something that my husband has done that has hurt my feelings or was insensitive. It’s like he doesn’t even hear me!!

]]> By: E https://hotholyhumorous.com/2017/10/30/are-you-guilty-of-whataboutism-in-your-marriage/#comment-67343 Tue, 31 Oct 2017 00:08:33 +0000 https://hotholyhumorous.com/?p=22983#comment-67343 ? SO convicting! Even while reading this post, I was thinking 'yeah, my spouse does that!' (Duh, how thick can I get?!) ? So thank you. Also, thanks for talking about this topic without the plank/splinter scripture, because while that is SO relevant, I think it is so well-used that it sometimes isn't actually 'heard' any more, just glanced over. Examining my heart attitude and motives behind my actions (even 'good' actions) is something I have been working on. So many times I have found that I am doing the 'good' thing to try to bring glory to myself, rather than glorifying God, or doing it as a living sacrifice to the Lord. So, even though I am a MUCH improved version of myself as a pre-Christian, there is still such a long way for me to go! One scripture that I have found convicting and encouraging in this regard is James 1:27 "religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep ONESELF unstained from the world." I think that means that I am supposed to concern myself with making sure I do right, and not overly concern myself with making sure everyone else is doing right!]]> LOVE ❤️?

SO convicting! Even while reading this post, I was thinking ‘yeah, my spouse does that!’ (Duh, how thick can I get?!) ? So thank you. Also, thanks for talking about this topic without the plank/splinter scripture, because while that is SO relevant, I think it is so well-used that it sometimes isn’t actually ‘heard’ any more, just glanced over.

Examining my heart attitude and motives behind my actions (even ‘good’ actions) is something I have been working on. So many times I have found that I am doing the ‘good’ thing to try to bring glory to myself, rather than glorifying God, or doing it as a living sacrifice to the Lord. So, even though I am a MUCH improved version of myself as a pre-Christian, there is still such a long way for me to go!
One scripture that I have found convicting and encouraging in this regard is James 1:27
“religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep ONESELF unstained from the world.”

I think that means that I am supposed to concern myself with making sure I do right, and not overly concern myself with making sure everyone else is doing right!

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