Did you read that article? I agree that it’s more for men, but I disagree that it “isn’t anywhere close.”

I just don’t think the self conflict is anywhere close to the same level. A woman can definitely feel pleasure or even orgasm even as she fights her attacker off, but I don’t believe that women typically feel the level of arousal men feel prior to the rape. In order for intercourse rape to occur, the male has to experience physical arousal first, whereas this isn’t the case with rape against women at all. Many men may have very much wanted sex physically and yet didn’t want it mentally or emotionally. I’m not saying this doesn’t occur for some women but I think the scale isn’t anywhere close.

There’s some truth in what you say here, but I think a few things are off as well. Yes, I agree that it’s particularly complicated for men. But for instance, the idea that men feel confused in that moment but women don’t isn’t accurate: In fact, some raped women report feeling physiological pleasure or even experiencing an orgasm, which can be especially confusing — as if your body is betraying you (see https://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-05/science-arousal-during-rape).

J, I believe that sexual abuse against boys and men affects us very differently than it does for females. In many cases men don’t even realize that a crime or serious wrongdoing has even occurred to them. There a several factors at work here:

First, in our culture we seem to highly value women’s sexuality and purity, even though this has been greatly decreasing in recent decades. A woman who is a virgin or at least not highly promiscuous is regarded and virtuous person, and is someone that even non-Christian men would want to have as a mate. This same standard is not at all upheld for men. Men’s sexuality is somewhat of a joke in popular culture at best, and a dangerous threat at worst. While a woman who has a bad sexual experience with a man would generally be sympathized with, almost the same episode would be regarded as humorous or if the genders were reversed.

Second, the male sex drive is so much higher than that of a females generally, that unwanted sex is very complicated in the mind of a guy. The average boy is having every fiber of his being scream out to him for sex, even if his mind is telling him that he shouldn’t. And so a boy pressured or forced into sex he doesn’t want with a female can feel deeply confused. It’s hard to blame anyone but yourself because deep down you know that you desperately wanted to say “yes” to it, and didn’t it feel good anyway? Wouldn’t tons of
guys in your same situation have given their right arm to get sex that you just had forced on you? And so a boy convinces himself that what was done to him wasn’t wrong, or at least not at that wrong.

Finally as males we are taught not to be victims very early on. Most little boys want to be soldiers and firefighters and superheroes. We are the ones who want to save the damsel in distress, not be the ones in distress ourselves. We are taught to suck it up and deal with it, and so the thought of being victimized, especially by a woman, is hard to grapple with. It makes us feel weak and small, and the opposite of masculine.

Thank you so much for this information! I had read an article months ago somewhat like the first one, but honestly hadn’t followed up with the information. It’s intriguing, though. And while the second document is indeed lengthy, I scanned it enough to know I really do want to pore over it and understand the full situation more thoroughly.

My website’s bent is toward women, so I primarily focus on those issues. But I agree entirely that we haven’t paid nearly enough attention to sexual assault and harassment against men. If you listen to the podcast episode we did on Sexual Harassment – #UsToo, I’m pretty sure I mentioned a female teacher I had who very clearly harassed her male students. The crazy thing I think looking back, is that we mocked that situation, but we weren’t horrified by it. Why weren’t we disgusted and reporting her? If she had been a male teacher doing that female students, we might have. And that makes me sad. I apologize right now to the guys in that high school English class: I should have stood up for you more.

J, here are two links. The first refers to an article describing the National Crime Victimization Survey (I couldn’t find the document on the BLS website with the data by sex), but the second is much more informative. The second is a link to the Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey by the CDC. You’ll have to wade through lots of charts, but in particular pay attention to the definition of rape and a category called “made to penetrate), which is basically the equivalent of a female forcing a male to have intercourse. It was pretty shocking to me to see this the first time.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/04/male_rape_in_america_a_new_study_reveals_that_men_are_sexually_assaulted.html

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf

Thank you so much, Curtis!