1. The connection between oral sex and throat cancer is about the transmission of HPV. Let me cite an expert on this one: Head and neck surgeon Brandon Prendes says, “The No. 1 risk in contracting oral HPV and developing HPV-related throat cancer is having multiple oral sex partners.” So basically, this is another situation where the issue isn’t the activity itself done in the context of God’s design (one man + one woman = covenant marriage), but rather passing a disease through multiple partners. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed in different ways, including oral sex and intercourse. We wouldn’t say, therefore, that intercourse is wrong, so why say that about oral sex? At least this alone is a poor argument against the practice itself. What is a very, very good takeaway is that we should pursue God’s design of waiting until marriage and having a single sexual partner; if that didn’t happen in your lives (didn’t in mine), then you should be tested for sexually transmitted infections and then decide based on results what options are open to you. (See https://health.clevelandclinic.org/throat-cancers-link-oral-sex-know/)

2. I find this an interesting argument. It certainly falls in line with the response to people who use foul language, “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” But let me ask this: Where have your hands been? Our hands are used in sexual intimacy to stimulate one another’s genitals, but we also use them to eat, to show affection to our children, to wash our bodies, and to wipe our butts. Having known several people who worked with livestock, I dare say that in the agricultural communities of Bible times, people sometimes had their hands in some very not-appealing places to accomplish their work. And yet, again…we use them for so many positive things, including praise (Psalm 63:4: “I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands“). If the hands can multi-task, why can’t the mouth? In fact, sorry to break to you, but you have probably sometime in your life vomited from your mouth, and yet still kissed your children. Personally, I think God’s just a very savvy Creator, who made many of our body parts multipurpose. Now, there are uses of our body parts that aren’t good for us, but I don’t see that with the mouth and oral sex. As least done God’s way (see point #1).

ALL THAT SAID, oral sex doesn’t have to be a part of your marriage, if you two are happy with your sexual intimacy and have a repertoire you both enjoy. Just because it’s okay doesn’t mean it’s necessary. But you should at least make the decision with good information in mind. I hope this has helped.

My wife and I enjoyed oral sex for about 9 years. She stopped wanting to do it after we joined a home church. It was taught that the body should only be used for what it was designed for, there is verse in the bible for this. Once again an entire indoctrination created around a single verse!

I believe oral sex is allowed 99% but I have 2 things holding me back from discussing it with my wife and possibility of returning to doing it again.

1. There is some spurious evidence that years of giving oral sex to a woman can lead to throat cancer from transmission of the paploma virsus (remember Michael Douglas comments)

2. My wife and to a fair extent myself feel convicted about the fact “we use our lips to kiss our children” and we know where our lips have been.

Is this being too uptight?

How heartbreaking! I wonder why she thinks and feels this way. What does she foundationally believe about sexuality that makes her come to these conclusions?

You might want to get into counseling yourself to look at ways you can cope, address the situation, and nudge for real intimacy in your marriage. Saying a prayer for you. Blessings!

Well, you haven’t proven that it IS the only reason to marry. Because you’re basing that on a single passage. And you know what? I don’t think we’re going to agree on this. So I do appreciate the discussion, but if you look up at the title of this post, this conversation has gotten way off from what the focus of the post is. So I’m saluting here and signing from this topic on this particular post. I do appreciate your engagement! Truly. Blessings.

J : “But I still think you’re drawing a conclusion solely from this one passage from Paul, without taking into account everything else God has said about marriage.”

I appreciate this discussion, and I don’t mind that you disagree with me, but I do care that you falsely accuse me that I don’t take everything else from God’s Word about marriage into account. I think I’ve clearly shown in my comments that I acknowledged all other aspects of marriage you make based on other bible passages. My point has been about the condition to marry, not about the state of marriage (in which I think I agree with you). You have not disproven that the only reason to *marry* is to be able to have sex.

I just read through this thread and thought I would add my personal 2 cents worth.
1 year ago, I learned of my wife’s year long Adulterous affair and I confronted her. Her response? “I’m sorry” That is as much as I have gotten. She has done nothing to show repentance, despite my forgiveness, unconditional love, and constant attempts to reconcile. In fact, she won’t even willing to promise never to do it again.

For a long time, she would tell me “most of the time we get along just fine. Why cant we just be friends that have sex, and raise our kids?” Let that sink in.. we are supposed to be friends, and have sex. Do you have any idea how insulting and demeaning that is? For this to happen, I would be reduced to being no more important than the next door neighbor. Oh, but I would get to have sex, unfortunately I would be no better than a prostitute or a sex toy.

I could have sex pretty well any time I want it. But I have had to choose not to. Why? Because there is no repentance, there is no relationship, there is no intimacy! It makes me feel like a prostitute. It satisfies for a moment, but leaves me empty and feeling more used and rejected than I did before. Sex without intimacy has no purpose but to satisfy self.

I have several friends that I am quite emotionally intimate with, but I don’t want to have sex with any of them. It is not the same as the marriage relationship. Those relationships do not meet the longing of the heart the way the love and intimacy of the marriage relationship does.

To say that the only reason to marry is to have sex, cheapens the marriage relationship and the whole concept of marriage. It is not consistent with the biblical concept of the marriage relationship being a picture of Christ and the church. If that were the case, he might as well have said that a good friendship is a picture of Christ and the church.

Having gone through what I am going through, my heart longs for intimacy far more than sex. I hope that someday, I will be able to experience real marital intimacy.