Comments on: Q&A with J: “He Won’t Touch My Clitoris”

By: J

Mon, 27 Aug 2018 15:35:23 +0000

I hear such pain in your comment. I’m saddened by your experience. I really think at some point, it’s reasonable for a wife to say that you need to seek counseling on this issue because you cannot continue like this and/or to say that you will not continue to be used like a sex toy for his climax without your own needs at least considered. I know some would disagree with me and say that you should not deprive your husband of sex (1 Corinthians 7:3-5), but if you actually read that passage, HER marital rights are mentioned first, and traditionally that included her sexual satisfaction. So actually, a husband who refuses to do foreplay, arouse his wife properly, or help her climax at all is depriving her already of what she’s supposed to have. Yes, I know that’s a radical notion for some, but I think it’s true. In which case, I would say that you need to set some boundaries and calmly tell him that you really want to make love with him, but it has to be a mutual experience. If it’s not, you cannot with self-respect allow yourself to be simply used for his satisfaction alone. I pray that God gives you hope, wisdom, and peace in your home. And an orgasm…I’d like for you to have a fabulous orgasm. 😉

By: Canucksky

Canucksky — Mon, 06 Aug 2018 14:10:09 +0000

My husband seems to be the same way. On top of our libidos being VERY unmatched, he skips foreplay for me. He gets me to get him going, but doesn’t take the time to do it for me. It breaks my heart like you wouldn’t believe. I feel like sex was wayyy over-rated. I don’t even like to read Song of Solomon because if my husband sees sheep or apples in me, he doesn’t say it. I tried to talk to him and get him to read about how female orgasms work. He said he read the pages I showed him, but I doubt it because he continued doing things his way. I really don’t think he cares about my sexual needs at all- he gets his fill and that’s it. I’d love to be able to orgasm with my husband but I don’t think I ever will as long he continues to be disinterested or whatever his issue is. I’m at the point of just lying there like a fish and telling him flat-out ‘well get the lube cuz you skipped foreplay.’ I love him but I under-estimated how important sex is in a relationship and sometimes I feel like I made a mistake in marrying him. I don’t want a vibrator, I want a man. And I always wanted to be a wife but if I’d known what it’d be like, I would have gone with a vibrator and my wanderlust instead.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Tue, 16 Jan 2018 19:27:57 +0000

In reply to Elizabeth. Another option...try having him touch you while in the shower. My husband didn't feel quite so hung up on his OCD then.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 15:17:25 +0000

I’d like to suggest that her husband feels terrible too. Society believes that a man should be able to be able to bring pleasure to his wife, if not by his penis then his tongue or, at a bare minimum, his hand. His washing and leaving her could be a result of embarrassment or shame. Does she want him to touch her or does she want him to care about her pleasure? They are not the same goals.
I had the same problem with my husband. It was lonely. In desperation I began to rub myself with his penis right after his orgasm but before he left. I ended up masturbating there and then. He enjoyed that, as did I. Did he look forward to it? Yes. It also reassured me that he wasn’t selfish and did care. Has it made him able to touch me? No. Do I think he every will? I don’t know. But I don’t hurt like I used to.
It took a long time for me to get brave enough to do this. I am sorry I didn’t try sooner. The last couple of years have really been so much better for both of us.

By: J

Fri, 12 Jan 2018 14:18:49 +0000

In reply to Chris. I've also been known to straighten diplomas hung on the wall in a doctor's office when I'm alone in the exam room. Is that weird? Lol.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 12 Jan 2018 04:11:53 +0000

Lol, i do the same thing with the dollar bills too. Thats hilarious.

By: G

Fri, 12 Jan 2018 01:33:36 +0000

In reply to J.

Good point — I operate the other way around: the male hardwiring outweighs everything else. (Queue snorting horse noise.)

I wish that good sister the very best — sounds like a very heavy burden. So sorry for her.

By: Mark

Mark — Fri, 12 Jan 2018 00:40:30 +0000

Thanks,,, I didn’t know there was a name, I will say it is a very special bonding experience between my wife and I.

In the book, the female author emphasized ultra-lite feather touching, to where her clitoris can barely feel the finger tips. (no rubbing) Then near the peek, purposely stop and then feather touch her outer swollen right labia and then her outer left labia which by then is also super sensitive to the touch.

Then slowly navigate back to her clitoris…

This of course works orally as well.

By: J

Fri, 12 Jan 2018 00:05:07 +0000

In reply to Mark. What you're describing is "edging" — slowly taking a woman close to orgasm, backing off a little, then taking her up again, then back, and eventually all the way. It's a technique that some wives say results in an especially strong climax. I've been meaning to write about it, so perhaps I'll move that up in the queue. Thanks!

By: Mark

Mark — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 23:48:53 +0000

It is personal and I don’t want to exceed boundaries. It isn’t however, a technique I invented but instead from a book I purchase from a self-help section in a book store 25 years ago, that was written by a woman, who emphasized “intimacy is all about the woman”, this might sound strange as some would suggest it is about both the man and woman.

But the author did explain what can happen to the mind of a man when he is taking his wife to the edge, and so I did discover that statement to be true.

We unfortunately tossed the book as we didn’t want our young pre-teen children to find it.

Who knows where my passionate ideology toward my wife would be if I didn’t discover that book?